Advice and help needed

[clo96]

Hi

I’m a mum to a 8 year old girl and a 3 year old girl.

my 8 year old daughter has autism, adhd and pda.

my biggest concern right now is when she has a meltdown, she becomes very violent especially with me and her 3 year old sister, it’s breaking my heart💔 I have tried explaining to her little sister that she needs space sometimes and wants to be left alone but my youngest daughter just doesn’t understand and is obsessed with her big sister which leads to my eldest becoming very emotional, angry and deregulated, I have tried keeping them apart, but nothing seems to be helping! it got that bad during a meltdown today my 8 year old daughter has punched herself in the face and given herself a cut lip😭

Its not just her sister that can trigger her, it can be absolutely anything 😔

Advice please

The PDA society might be able to offer you some appropriate advice, and Newbold hope have a support group on Facebook.

thank you, I have just joined the group on Facebook x

Do DDs have their own bedrooms?

It isn’t easy, but I think close supervision is needed so you/another adult can step in before DD2 gets too close/too much for DD1. Home Start may be able to support you. You could also look at social care assessments. A carer’s assessment for you and an assessment of DD1’s needs. On their website, Contact has a model letter you can use. Also worth looking at your local short breaks offer.

Keeping a detailed diary can help to spot triggers.

What support is DD1 receiving? How is school? Does DD have an EHCP? Has DD had OT assessments? Including a home OT assessment and a sensory assessment. What about a SALT assessment?

Some people find the books The Explosive Child, the Out of Sync Child and the Declarative Language handbook helpful. Others find PDA strategies or non-violent resistance resources useful.

@2x4greenbrickhi thank you for commenting,

my 8 year old has her own bedroom, 3 year old is still in with me due to only having a 2 bed and eldest needing her own space/room. She has a lot of anxiety surrounding school she has her good and bad days but she just finds it so draining, she has just in the last month been awarded a ehcp and we are looking in to specialist schools for her! She has had those assessments yes! I will take a look at these books you have suggested thank you xx

You could look at a disabled facilities grant.

The right support in school and the right placement can make a world of difference at home.

If the LA has finalised an EHCP without naming your preferred specialist placement, are you appealing?

Support for anxiety and emotional regulation and ongoing OT and SALT support should be in the EHCP. Are they?