Please help I am finding my ds really tricky at the moment

[Yurtgirl]

This is I think my first ever post in special needs. Rather bizarrely its quite scarey, I think because until now my ds was not obviously different to any other child.

But all of a sudden he seems to have a personality transplant and it is driving me a little crazy. The gorgeous lovely boy I have always known is still of course there but he seems to have been joined by an alter ego

Hope that makes sense - I think I just need some support, I am utterly not used to having to deal with sooooooooo much hassle from him.

Please be gentle with me - I am feeling so down about this

To explain further ds has aspergers - We have known for 3 years, he is 6. We got an official diagnoses a couple months ago.

He has always been more challenging in his behaviour than a "normal" child but it has never been beyond me. And he has always slept pretty well (apart from the odd tricky evening every fortnight)

BUT on Sunday........ he informed me that he thinks sleep is boring and that he no longer sees the point of it.

Sunday - 10.45
Monday 7.30 as normal
Tuesday 10.00
Wednesday 9.30
Thursday 8.30
Friday 9.30

Those are the times he has finally gone to sleep this week - and woken me and his sister up every morning at 6am.......... argh!!!!!

This is so unlike him - I feel like I am loosing the plot

how old is he?

(sorry x post)

My DD3 has ASD, and although she sounds very different to your boy, I can relate to the distress caused by sleep upheaval. (although, not trying to sound like a monty python sketch, but there are nights when I dream of her settling at 10. Midnight can be more likely) Do a search on Melatonin, I am seeing our Paed in a couple of weeks about it, and many MNers have had good results from it.

yes...recommend melatonin!

it's a non-sedative 'body clock hormone' which all 3 of my boys take!

it's particularily effective when the child finds getting to sleep hard. Like your DS my DS1 really saw no point of going to bed as he could not sleep- he never even yawned....

Thanks for your replies - it helps to know Im not alone, although Im starting to realise i have got off very lightly so far, because he wasnt like this until 6 days ago!!!

I am planning on asking our gp about melatonin on monday - do you think he will give it to me easily or make a fuss.....

The main problem atm really is that ds shares with dd who is only 3. I think we are going to have to move which is frankly annoying - I was planning on staying here for another 2 years at least.

Good grief his behaviour could get worse couldnt it, he doesnt like going to school anymore either - says its boring and too easy

A GP may not prescribe (though some on here have managed to get a GP to!!!) It's an unlicenced medicine- so generally you need a specialist to prescribe.

been thinking about what you said about this all suddenly happening NOW...and it reminded me of DS1. We had gone to parents evening in the october- he was 7 that december. His teacher reported all was fine. Then in the november, she called us in....she had decided to refer him for assesment regarding ASD!!!! Sure, up to then he'd been described as 'unique' active and bright....but suddenly she was telling us he had a 'Special Need' and he had to go on the schools register as such...and that School Action Plus was so they could get a peadiatrician to come into school and observe him. Within 3 months he had been noted to have Aspergers Traits...and i just felt like you descibed. Suddenly he changed.

Now, having had 2 more boys - 1 diagnosed with AS and the other being diagnosed currently....I have seen a pattern that is the ONLY thing identical in all 3 of my boys (as each of them showAS differently!).

This similarity being....how behaviours worsened around age 6!!!!!!!!

The paed said that it was to do with at that age (as they are about to go up to juniors) that children start to make lasting friendships,play complex games in playground,invite eachother to parties and talk about the latest popular toy or film/tv show/playstion game.

And thats where AS problems can worsen- as our kids often find peer friendships difficult- often prefering to take lead in games- and suddenly the games they repeatedly like to play are being replaced with newer ones...and they are often excluded because in their efforts to join in, they may be loud or rough they may struggle taking turns or being part of a team...or find imaginary play incomprehensable.

It's common that 'our' kids don't get invited to parties from around age 6/7- my ds3 is currently known as 'the one that distracts everyone' in his class...so he has had no invites since october. (you may notice at this time that the other mums don't seem to approch you so much in the playground...and if you are really lucky...they may even whisper 'about you and your child'...or discuss YOUR child's behaviour and how it affects THEIR child at school...but discuss it with the teacher and not with you. You only find out when the teacher calls you and tells you that a parent has expressed concern.

And then when your child is still passionate about pokemon...when all the others are into Dr Who....and noones interested in his amazing knowledge about his favourite hobby etc. And they are all talking about the latest episode of a tv show...and he hasn't a clue why they are even interested.
But...again...every now and then...HIS hobby/tv show WILL be POPULAR again...and he will suddenly 'appear' to fit in...until the next craze and he is left behind.

This has happened to all 3 of mine....and it was noticeable around 6-8yrs.

I hope something in this rambling hits a note with you and your son.

If it does, it may just help if i've provided an 'insight' into what may be going on around him. It may make you feel better to know why he may be reacting differently to what's going on around him...when to you nothing has changed.

finally, for me, at this time of year my boys are always at their worst- as school routine is altered to accomodate SATS, sports days etc. My ds2 has been driven crazy this week as he's had no maths/english formal lessons at all all week as they did a 'multi-subject' healthy eating / fitness week- which joy of joys ended with 2 non-uniform days...which he HATES...he prefers to wear uniform! now every other child is whooping for joy!!! No maths...no uniform!!!!

So maybe your son's school have 'rocked his boat' a little???

Well...i'll leave it there....its nearly 2am and DS2 will be awke in 4 hours...and ds3 in 5 hours....and then ds3 will provoke and wind up ds2 and ds3 will try to 'calm' the situation...and chaos will be rife in 6 hours!!!!

Oh! The fun of it!!!

MUM23ASD

I can relate to some of what you've written (particularly the parts about non invites to parties and your child's behaviour and how it affected their own child in school. BTW I had all that in reception!!).

Has no-one ever mentioned you personally applying for a statement of special needs from the LEA?. I would go all out now to obtain a Statement for your children. IPSEA are very good and they have model letters on their site you can use www.ipsea.org.uk.

School Action Plus won't help many children with any form of ASD in my view; too many children languish on such schemes. Apart from anything else SA plus, unlike a statement, is not legally binding.

Thankyou so much for your thoughts - especially you Mum23asd, how did you find the time to write all that, and why on earth were you doing so at nearly 2am!!!!!!!!!!

You are right about the whole 6-8 thing, I was beginning to wonder! The school (which he used to love) have rocked his world recently because he has noticed that he is academically 2 or 3 years ahead but being taught with his age group in year1. He needs to be with his peers in order to socialise etc and also for PE and handwriting which are not his strengths (common for aspergers)

Consequently he is as he puts it "bored bored bored" at school a lot of the time.

Up until now the school have told me that statementing wouldnt be necessary

I am so confused about his future, our future - arghhhhhhhh!

{{{hugs}}} yurt, my son (ADHD) was a complete nightmare challenging between 6-8y -with 8/9 being totally horrific particularly hard on us all. so i know how you feel. Huge {{{hugs}}} we are all here for you.

MUM23 - absolutely with you there! DS1 is still obsessed with pokemon and can name every one of them... days of the week? months of the year, in order??? not a farkin clue! BTW hes 16 in september...

YURT - whilst the above has been mentioned - his behaviour is impeccable as are his manners. Hes kind and caring - outrageously impulsive tho! perhaps knowing what month or day it is tomorrow just doesnt interest him? ho hum.

{{{hugs}}} yurt, my son (ADHD) was a complete nightmare challenging between 6-8y -with 8/9 being totally horrific particularly hard on us all. so i know how you feel. Huge {{{hugs}}} we are all here for you.

MUM23 - absolutely with you there! DS1 is still obsessed with pokemon and can name every one of them... days of the week? months of the year, in order??? not a farkin clue! BTW hes 16 in september...

YURT - whilst the above has been mentioned - his behaviour is impeccable as are his manners. Hes kind and caring - outrageously impulsive tho! perhaps knowing what month or day it is tomorrow just doesnt interest him? ho hum.

grr, can never get those emphasis things to work!

misscutandstick - thanks for your thoughts
My ds has always been a little bit challenging but he has really changed in the last week. I am so looking forward to another couple of years of this!!!!!!!!!!

I phoned our lovely gp today who said I needed to contact his specialist, they had a cancellation and have given us an appointment on wednesday - triple hurrah, the alternative would have been several months wait so roll on Wednesday

Finally went to sleep at 9.30 tonight]

Happy days

Hi yrtgirl,

re your comment:-
"Up until now the school have told me that statementing wouldnt be necessary".

Sigh at this school, well its actually not up to them to decide. Do you feel that his school life would be made a bit easier with such a document (such things can cover difficulties with socialisation as well, its not just about educational needs). Longer term with such a document in place as well, he may find secondary school a bit easier to cope with.

I would thus seriously consider applying for it now - you though need to make the application. Apart from anything else you have far more rights that the school would have in terms of appealing.

IPSEA are very good and there are model letters on the site you can use www.ipsea.org.uk.