Autism red flags or not? 3 year old

[meadows96]

Hi,

I am looking for some reassurance or similar experiences to help me from spiralling please.

My little boy is 3 next week and he started Playschool 3 months ago. He goes 4 mornings a week for 3 hours. He’s settled quickly and is happy going in and they always tell me has had a good day. The staff have never brought up any concerns before today.

I had his parent teacher meeting today and I was really shocked with the outcome. They told me he has no awareness of his peers and doesn’t engage with them. They said he has limited speech and no sentences and also limited eye contact. Basically, a list of autism red flags, which really upset me as my older son has autism and I was positive my 3 year old was developing on track.

The thing that upset me the most and shocked me is this is not one bit how he is at home and with others outside of Playschool. At home he talks in full sentences, has great comprehension, makes eye contact, responds to name, loves to socialise and gets so excited when his cousin comes over and other family members. He loves to play and plays functionally and uses pretend play. He uses joint attention, points. He loves cuddles and affection. He interacts with people well and loves doing nursery rhymes and action songs. Basically hit all his milestones with no concerns.

He genuinely seems like a different child at Playschool compared to at home. I’m confused and upset because I don’t recognise the child they described. I told them he wasn’t like this at home and they seemed surprised.

Has anyone else had a child who’s developing on track at home but very quiet or different at Playschool? Sometimes he can act shy in groups outside of Playschool so I’m wondering if this could be a factor?

Feeling really confused and overwhelmed and also disheartened as I felt he was getting on really well. I would love to hear similar experiences.

thanks in advance

Sounds odd (on their part). If he hasn’t been interacting at nursery why are you only just hearing about it now? What steps have they put in to support him and how effective have they been? Do they know your other child (eg did he attend the same nursery)?
I suppose the biggest flag in your description is that his brother is autistic.

How is he in other settings?

That’s what I was wondering. It seemed strange that I was given the impression things were good until that point. They didn’t say they had tried any steps but they did say at the meeting they will come up with some aims for him between now and after christmas. Yes my other son was in the same classroom last year with the same teacher. Yes and because of that reason I’ve been very vigilant on tracking my younger son’s development and keeping an eye as I know statistically it is a higher chance. He has always been on track, scored as she should in ages and stages questionnaire and never had any issues at developmental checks.

There is no problems in other settings. He loves to be out and about and socialise. He is an easy child to bring anywhere and gets excited to visit our family and friends.