Feeling sad and angry :-(

[dustystar]

Ds had karate this morning and they were playing games. One of the games involved one of them standing at the front with their back to the others and they had to do karate moves towards this person but if they moved when he/she looked round they had to go back to the beginning. Ds won the third round by reaching the front person first so it was his go and of course he couldn't get his head around the idea of the game. He sees every little move they make so he says so and keeps sending loads back. Of course the others started getting fed up with him and in the end Sensei stepped in and helped Ds round come to an end.

Trouble is then the others were really mean and kept calling him a cheat so he got upset because as far as he's concerned he wasn't cheating. At the end of the session one of the lads kept on at him His Mum just stood there and said nothing even though ds was crying. I couldn't believe that she would allow her son to name call like that right in front of her and upset another child and say nothing.

I was so close to saying something but being me I didn't but did say in a loud voice that ds should ignore this child as he was being very unkind and that his Mum should have made him stop

I feel so sad now I know ds is going to continue having problems like this but today its really got to me. I was feeling sad for him already as the other children were annoyed with him and he really didn't understand why and then this child being so nasty and his bloody mother standing by and letting him have made me feel really angry too.

I know in the scheme of things it probably seems trivial compared to what so many of you have to face daily with your children but its really upset me and I need to offload somewhere.

It's not trivial Dusty, this sort of thing really brings it home how hard our kids find normal activities.

Have a word with the Sensei, see if he can speak with the group about good sportsmanship etc. J's done karate for nearly three years now and his sensei is a gem, one of the main reasons he goes there. He focuses the class around the courtesy and respect aspects rather than fighting skills. Last weekend they had a competition and he started off by reminding them all to be gracious in winning or defeat, and he made damn sure that after every interaction they all shook hands and said Well Done to each other. The sensei is in charge in your son's group and while I agree that it would have been nice for the offending boy's mum to have corrected her son, the responsibility also lies with sensei to instill the respect and courtesy that goes with karate into all his pupils.

I hope your boy is feeling better now, and you too.

Thanks karenthirl Ds seems fine now - he doesn't really get why he was called names so he's shrugged it off for now - its just me who's upset.

It wasn't his normal sensei, although he has had this one before. His normal sensei is very strict about that sort of thing. The situation with this particular lad happened after the class had finished when the other parents had come in to collect their children (I am usually the only parent who stays for the class) so I think it was more his Mum's repsonsibility at that point than Sensei's. Mind you his usual sensei would have said something if he was there and overheard I'm sure.

You have a good point though. I think i might ring his usual Sensei next week and have a chat with him about what happened today. Not as a complaint about how today's sensei handled it but just to ask him to keep an eye on it.

I suppose in these situations it's quite a good thing that some of our kids don't get upset by teasing (my ds, on the other hand, would have had the name-caller by the throat...). At least you haven't had to spend the rest of the morning explaining and comforting. And tbh I don't think it's always a good idea for us as parents to 'toughen up' because then we lose track of what should be appropriate behaviour in other kids too.

Yes, talk to the usual sensei. Maybe he hasn't briefed the stand-in well enough, and he might be able to have a word with the name-calling boy next time.

Wish us luck for this afternoon - ds has a grading and a bit nervous!

What was that boy's mother thinking? OMG - I'd be mortified if any of my children made someone cry! on your behalf - make sure you give her some fierce looks next session.

Thanks for the responses I hope your ds did well at his grading.

Ds would usually react aggressively too but that time got very upset instead

I felt better after posting about it though so thanks