Mum of 3 with ASD needs no more Slaps Around The Face.

[MUM23ASD]

Just feeling so low at the moment.

As the oldies of you know i have fought to get listened to about ds3 and its ridiculous really, that now i am being listened to, and professionals are 'seeing what i see' and it looks like we may finally get the dianosis we need. (and i do mean NEED as his self esteem is rock bottom and he wanst a reason)

the last straw was this week when his teacher sent home the forms the paed asked me to give her- and she sould have sent them direct to the paed- but she gave them to DS and ofcourse i shouln't have read them- i should have just sent them on to Paed- but i was tempted to look.

And this is what hit me hard
"DS3 has the potential to do very well in his learning across the curriculam.
however his short attention span, boundless energy, inability to listen and follow instructions are creating enormous barriers to his learning.
He does not always respond to his "Behaviour Reward Chart" .
He can often seem "Oblivious" to my instructions as his teacher and the rules of the classroom.
His behaviour is extremely disruptive towards his peers and it interferes with their learning aswell"

this was in response to a question about whether she had any concerns including Social Interaction / communication.

basically- none of it was really a shock- but the bit that has upset me is the last bit about him affecting others- as that is to him what is upseting him the greates. He is finding friendships harder- he seems to be becoming more isolated. he is noticing that he wants to do 'different things' to his peers- andthough i reassure him that 'different is good'...he notices how most of his peers like similar things- and he is the 'one who likes something different'

so for me- it was apt punisment for raeding something not inteded for my eyes.

it has me also questioning myself as a parent (again!!!) I go through this from time to time- i feel responsible etc....then a vist to the paed will remind me that my children spend 6 hours a day in mainstream school- without statementing- and therefore if this were 'my fault' as a result of bad parenting...then teachers would not be struggling too.

so those of you who feel like me- post here- lets share our depression! It does pass- i know...and at times like this i know i have to just wait for it to pass- but when you are feeling the worst parent ever- it is hard.

seeing the negative stuff in black and white is horrid isn't it? btw I would consider you fully entitled to see what info school was sending to paed, so no guilting yourself about that!

thanks totalC

(nice to 'see' you!!!)

At least it sounds like the teacher is seeing what you see and is genuinely trying to help by putting it all down. It wouldn't be much of a help to your ds if she tried skirting round his problems. She sounds concerned and anxious to help him. There is nothing worse as a parent than being made to feel that you are the only one who sees a problem, and being half suspected of making it up.
Poor little lad- but at least it sounds like his teacher is on his side.

agree with tclanger - it's like filling in a DLA form - you have to put the worst possible scenario on paper or it will be discounted.
does this mean they are hoping the paed will give you a dx? it sounds as though the teacher is egging the paed on to do that so that they can approach LEA with respect to getting additional support in place so that he gets the support he needs and the rest of the class are not distracted...
tough to read (we would all have read it btw!) but unfortunately that is the way the game works... i'd be chuffed that the teacher was doing her best to help tbh...

You know I think having a child with ASD cuts to the heart of what it is to be human and to be a parent. If you can get along well with others you will probably get on in life. And our children struggle with this basic human function and it really hurts like a physical sensation to watch them struggle.
All I wanted for my children was that they were confident and happy and this can be so hard for ASD children to achieve in a school setting. It's why it hurts so much to see things written down.
So big hugs
xxx

Mum23ASD

It's horrible when you see it in writing, isn't it? I hate reading those kinds of reports. Ds2's SALT report arrived this week. Parts of it were good but other bits were just downright depressing.

You're definitely not a bad parent. I know because I've met you all.

mumof2 hello again

i dont have much on the words of advise to make you feel better as you know pretty much at the same place myself at the moment

but what i will say is i am here if you ever just want to vent or rant or have a person in similar situation as you to talk to

we did talk a bit on my thread and i know your situation must be feeling so tough but keep your chin up an dlets hope ds will get appropiate help soon

is there any organisation that ds could join to be with like minded people so doesnt feel so different from his peers

i know in the assessment when pre school teacher started saying what ds was like i had no idea they had led me to believe he had befirended children that he was joining in they told me this every time i picked him up

then she said spends time alone doesnt join in

doesnt understand simple instruction doesnt socialise with other children well you might as well have kicked me in the stomach as all along they had been telling me he was doing so well

not nice to hear but at least once heard someone has to do something about it and they can only benefit from the help

sorry if im not doing good job making you feel better as you know spent the day crying myself but fel better now but still so new to all this

how old are your dc?

Hi Coppertop!

Must be coming up to a year since we all spent the day together!!! we have hamsters now and ds3 just won't leave them alone...i'm telling you this as him handling them reminds me of that 'fiddle toy' that he bought the day we met up with you...you know the toy...the one that really got the imagination going in anyone with a smutty mind!!!! Well, he appears to treat the hansters the same...and all i hope is because they don't bite...they must be happy being 'squirmed around in his hands like playdough'!!!

Bubblagirl...

thanks so much....and today is a better day. I await the paediatrician appointment to discuss the schools commments...and on 30th the SALT is observing him at school and i have to meet her after to hear her thoghts on his difficulties.

ds3 was 9 a couple of weeks ago.
ds2 is 12 in october (AS)
Ds1 is 15 in december (AS & ADHD)