Advice on explaining SN to my 4 year old.

[SniffyHock]

I hope it's okay to ask this. We were at the park today and a minibus arrived with a group of teenagers with special needs. Most were in wheelchairs, I think with cerebral palsy.

DS aged 4 kept looking and was fascinated by one boy and asked me if he was dancing, I replied that I thought he was excited to be out for a lovely day at the park.
DS then said "what's wrong with him?" My question to you is what should /could I have said? My gut reaction was to say "nothing is wrong with him". Basically I want DS to be accepting of differences etc. He has an adult relative with severe Downs Syndrome and has never asked about anything, I guess because he's known him all his life.

I'm very sorry if this post is very clumsy and apologise if I've worded it badly.

Ta

we stick to a general explanation of 'all different' and some people's bodies working differently, or being more difficult to control. mine know that with cp it is sometimes because the brain has been damaged, or the person was poorly when they were born (DD2 has athetoid cp, which might be what your son was so interested in!)
but I think that your initial instinct of 'nothing wrong with him' was a good place to start, and i love your line that he was excited to be at the park!

good to bring up your relative with downs, too - at DSs birthday party, a girl in his class set next to dd2, who was chuntering away to herself and being a bit flappy. She was v sweet and chatted away to her, and in the end asked me why dd2 spoke funny/ had googly eyes etc. i ran the 'when she was born she was v poorly' line past her and explained that her brain had been hurt and that meant she couldn't control her muscles very well. the little girl then told me all about her cousin with downs, and sat and chatted away quite happily to dd. i think somewhere along the line, they just accept whatever is around them, and as they get a older, they start to piece it all together. i think if you play it cool and just explain it like it is then he will learn that disability is just part of everyday life.
mine think it is really cool that we get to park in a disabled space because dd2 is wobbly. i suspect when they hit teendom it might not be quite so cool, so i really hope we're laying down enough understanding now!

Thanks Romy

I think my difficulty was the word 'wrong' - it would be easy to say 'he's got something wrong with him' but that's not right IYSWIM??? Your way of describing it is excellent 'some people are poorly when they're born which means that they might move differently to you' would be perfect.

My niece once asked about our relative with Downs (she's on my side, he's my husband's cousin) but she was ten so I could explain more easily. The park we were at regularly has trips from this school and DS has never commented before so I was just a bit stumped. The fact that he was asking really loudly didn't help - I think all the staff were listening to hear what I was going to say !

Riven - that would be my DS. I know that no parent would be offended by the questions of a 4 year old (no matter how outrageous!) it's just the parent's answer that could be oh so wrong.

I will look up those books. My two love 'something special' (DD does baby signing) and DS has never asked about any of the children featured which I guess which is why there should be more programmes like that.

BTW - what would you like a mother to say in response to 'why is that little girl in a wheelchair'?

Actually I came up against the same kind of thing yesterday- we went to see some friends (with 2 three year old girls) who hadn't seen dd since she got her AFOs and Kaye walker. They were really interested in the walker and all had a go round the garden which dd thought was pretty cool. Then they started asking about why she needs the walker and I was a bit stumped - not embarrassed or upset but didn't feel I had the right words to explain. I told them her legs were a bit poorly so she needed help to walk and they then asked 'why are her legs poorly?' - I was thinking of how to explain about her brain etc but ended up saying about how some people have ears that don't work so well, or some people wear glasses.

My friends looked a bit embarrassed but I explained that I would much rather that children (and adults) asked me and let me explain as I don't want dd's CP to be something hidden. It was a really cool afternoon - the girls really liked dd's AFOs which have kittens on and all tried to get them onto their legs!

Riven - I'm glad you recommended 'Ringo the flamingo' - I was looking at it on Amazon the other night and thought about ordering it.