Homeschooling 5 YO

[13MAPARTHELL]

My 5 year old is awaiting a diagnosis of highly suspected autism and adhd (private assessment next week)
He is very conflicting, and can either have socially rigid / unkind responses to unexpected social talk or situations or become very hyperactive and unregulated.
We have had 2 SEN meetings with my early help key workers at the school, today at a parents evening his teacher had no idea of any of this & then mentioned complaints made about him in the playground by other children / a child in his class on the way to school said his name and he responded ‘go away I dont like you’ and my she told me that he isn’t very nice to her and she told the teacher that he laughs at her funny etc (he gets very unregulated)
we had a stay and play, he was crying, overwhelmed with adults being there, he kicked some toys and hit a child and they just said ‘hes likely tired’ we took him home of course
Theres a heavy feeling amongst the parents to myself, we pick him up early as kick out can make him unregulated, when people call his name it really unsettles him and makes him very anxious.
they say hes great otherwise in school and enjoys it, but I just feel an overwhelming horrible feeling of worry and of course need to protect him, I can feel hes internal conflict with himself in my bones & things like sports days and school plays I know he would really struggle with, but I also do not want him to miss out or make a decision and find that maybe he learns to thrive as he gets older, does anyone have any experience in this sort of decision?

The great thing is that you can give him whatever you sense he needs, to the best of your ability. It's rare for school to have the flexibility to do that, even if they did have staff who are attuned to him - and they probably won't, not like you do.

Kids don't learn to manage situations by being in over their head, overwhelmed with no time or energy to reflect and develop coping strategies. They just learn that life is full of stress and that they are failures because they can't tolerate it like other people can.

If you home educate, your little boy will have you by his side, trying to expose him gradually to situations which are difficult but manageable, giving him recovery time in between. That will give him the skills he needs as he gets older.

It may well be that he will feel ready to deal with school once he has matured and learned to understand himself and advocate for himself. It may be that school is never right for him.

A decision you make now does not have to be for the rest of his life. You can try home education and see how you get on. As your son grows and changes, you can keep reassessing whether school might now be right for him. School will always be available if you want it later.

Personally, I wouldn’t EHE. Instead, I would pursue an EHCP. That can provide far more support than the majority of parents can afford to fund themselves. It can also open doors to other placements if that’s want you decide to pursue.

In the meantime, request another meeting with the SENCO. What support is the school providing? What have they already tried?