Ex's parents are soooooooooo IGNORANT

[daisy5678]

OK, so they're in their 70s and a bit odd anyway, but it's obvious to anyone who's ever met J that he's not exactly a typical child. It's also obvious that my parenting isn't crap enough to have created the bizarreness of J - honest!

So why do they persist in blaming him for things he can't help and denying that autism exists, and saying "ohhhh, he's so clever, he can't be autistic".

I gave them a booklet about autism and wrote out this thing with all the DSM-IV criteria and why CAMHS say that J meets the criteria, as well as his ADOS test report. Their response? Ohh, that's nonsense - he scored nearly full marks, clearly the test was wrong.

So my ex takes J down to see them this last weekend - apparently had lots of comments about 'does this child have no volume control?', 'it'd be so nice if you could come on your own', 'blue badge? Hmmmmm...why?', 'why's he making a fuss about the cats?' (J is totally petrified of all animals - hates the unpredictability and goes into major meltdown) etc. etc.

Ex said that they just won't accept that there's anything wrong with him and he just needs to learn to behave. AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHH.

oh they clearly have no clue/are in denial/can't be bothered to get informed/all of the above. We have that too so I can sympathise.

My MIL said that 'surely he would start speaking if you read him more books and didn't let him watch so much TV'

After that comment I gave up explaining, now we see them less and less - everyone is happier.

PILs only comment on DS speech/language difficulties was to DH that apparently they spoke to DH more than I speak to DS. Nice. Other than that the whole speech/language whatever issue is the elephant in the room - i.e. pointedly never referred to. Suits me tbh.

When my ds was little we went to the beach with the in-laws and ds started running off. FIL in his infinite wisdom said 'let him go - he'll soon come back'....needless to say I then had to run the length of the beach at the speed of light. They are lovely but they just don't really get it. Think it depends how much day-to-day involvment they have - my folks see ds often and know when you need to hold his hand and how to talk to him etc.

Just spent the weekend at my parents where my father fed my 20 month old whole grapes and then shouted at me when I asked him to cut them in half.

Then got into a huge sulk with DS - ASD, aged 5 and refused to talk to him for the day because he had been "rude". I know that they think he is just naughty. Drives me nuts. They are very authoritarian anyway and I remember being very close to them as a child and then becoming their enemy as soon as I was old enough to have my own opinons. Can see it is happening with DS now.

I agree with seuss - the gps don't have the day to day issues and so often they really don't 'get' it. Also although ASD people are sometimes accused of having scripted/stereotypical responses to situations, I sometimes wonder if NT people are really that different. Their thoughts about children run on tramlines too - 'Don't be silly all children talk, ok, he may be slow...', 'Don't be silly of course he understands, he is 4 now !'

It's wierd but my dad is quite clueless when it comes to small children and yet he is def. the favourite with my kids - I think it's because they sense he has no agenda - not going to trick them into veggies/doing homework etc. Plus he is always getting bossed by my mum and I so perhaps they see him as one of them! I know my parents didn't find it easy to come to terms with ds having ASD and I still get the 'are you sure he is?' comment now and again but generally they treat him just the same as the others. I'm quite impressed with them really.