End of my tether with DS (5)

[Iheartwhitetshirts]

DS is 5 and in second year of primary. After concerns raised by us and school the GP has referred him for an ADHD assessment.

The teacher’s concerns are around focus and attention. He can’t concentrate at all in school without an adult helping him despite being bright. There were also incidents last year of lashing out in eg the playground.

At home he’s always been volatile, high energy and stubborn. He hits us when he wants his own way etc. He’s an only child so it’s just us his parents he does this to.

But in the last two or so months his behaviour has escalated so badly. He’s spitting on us, having daily meltdowns where he is destroying furniture, drawing on walls in anger. He punched me and gave me a black eye as I asked him wear a seatbelt. He spat on my hair because I wouldn’t let him have a second ice lolly. He does the same to my husband.

I’ve done everything I can and I’m on my knees. We are walking on eggshells all the time trying to off-set a meltdown. I’ve read the Explosive Child, read every ADHD website there is, looked into PDA, referred us for help to a family support hub, tried to pay for a private ADHD assessment but can’t do it until he’s 6, I’m going to see the SENCO in school tomorrow as I think a 1-1 in school might help. I’ve tried every strategy I can think of to help.

Objectively, we’re a happy family. He’s extremely loved and cared for, no issues at home. He’s an only child but does have friends in school and at childcare. He’s also has friends nearby he plays with. He just cannot emotionally regulate at all.

I can’t go on like this and I don’t know how to help him anymore. Tonight he threw a porcelain handwash dispenser at the wall as daddy couldn’t play with him immediately when he asked.

What can we do?

What support is the school already providing? What have they already tried? If your area still has them, have they requested advice from the specialist teaching service? Does DS have an EHCP? A 1:1 is unlikely without an EHCP.

Has DS had OT assessments? Including a home OT assessment and a home OT assessment?

Some people find the Out of Sync Child book &/or non-violent resistance resources helpful.

Thanks so much for replying. School seem to have tried - he has fidget toys, movement breaks, is brought to the sensory room. They also have tried egg timers to help focus etc

He has an IEP. He isn’t statemented (we are in NI) which I think is our version of an EHCP. I will know more after the f2f meeting with the SENCO but from a brief phone call she said it would take a long time (not this school year for sure) before he would be statemented. But I just wanted to get the ball rolling now.

No OT assessment as I wasn’t quite sure where to get one from without a referral but I’ll look into it.

Im so drained by it all. I just want him to be happy and we love him so much but I think we are failing him at that minute.

In many areas, you can self refer to OT.

You can request a Statutory Assessment yourself now. You don’t need to wait ages or have the school do it. Unless you have to appeal, which some do, the process takes 26 weeks. Have a look at SENAC.

Get the school to get Ed ohysc involved asap as if it is as you say the school will highly likely tey and drop tour son to a part time timetable until a statment is sorted and it takes 6 months start to finish (and thats if there good and actually have it sorted in time) as as it goes n.i dont have the same rights as England when it comes to reasonable adjustments so you typically wont get any support until the statment is in place. I would suggest you contact SENAC too they are an independent organisation that help kids with SEN get thr proper support in school

Even in NI, CSA DC are still entitled to a full-time education.