Residential placement

[Hopefulblender]

Hi there,

I have name-changed for this one because it concerns a vulnerable child, who is my stepson. This didn't seem like something for the step parenting forum because its a direct issue concerning SEN. I hope I'm in the right place, even though I am not the mother.

My query is about what to expect from a residential placement at a specialist independent school, for anyone who has personal experience or knowledge of this.

My partner's eldest, who has autism and an array of other diagnoses, has turned 14 and there has been an abrupt behaviour shift with escalating aggresive behaviours.

Mum, his primary parent, said she no longer feels safe and really needs some respite. The school have been concerned about behaviours too.

But I have a bad feeling about us just standing by and not offering more help.

I said to my partner: can't we offer the respite? We are just under an hour's drive from the boy's school but he gets a taxi from his EHCP. He has a bedroom here, of course, and a dedicated area to pursue his special interests as well.
We also have a specialisit carer with us when my partner's boys are living in our (and their) home. We don't get physical violence here and we could afford to have this carer more often.

Then again, I assume that schools only offer these placements when they and other agencies believe it is the best thing to do. I'm conscious of course that we are not the main parents and mum, as the boy's closest carer, is going to get more expressions of needs than we do.

In my position, I can't judge, know or decide. I am mainly curious about this residential placement process and what the boy might be like at the end of it.

What can I expect?

I’m afraid no-one can answer what you should expect. Some children thrive in residential placements, others don’t. Placements themselves can be very different.

A residential placement wouldn’t be funded, especially without a Tribunal (which doesn’t sound as though that has been needed), if it wasn’t necessary. If the father providing increased care would suffice, residential placement wouldn’t be funded.

Thanks so much. As I understand it the EHCP already has provision for this residential placement at the school when deemed necessary.

My misgiving is that this is, as far as I understand things, a PDA profile. School is rather behaviourist. Teachers come across like nuns who smile kindly upon their poor, disabled charges.

The positive behaviour management system - everyone says 'positive behaviour management' all the time - is stickers to coins to certificates to days out. It works for primary, perhaps, but not for a bright child that cannot bear a second of boredom.

I've seen this boy suddenly and apparently out of nowhere teach himself advanced computing skills. He isn't managing much positive behaviour in an environment where he can't pursue his interests very much. I just am not sure a day-to-night life at this school will help.

But mostly as you say, we do not know what to expect. A failed residential placement should at least show the value to parents of winning respite and focus minds on whether a less star chart-y school might be better.

Anyone know of a PDA boarding school, perhaps? I like to prepare my thinking and research in advance, then calmly suggest a good thing in the right moment, as I'm a stepmum and despite the fact I could end up living with this kid as a NEET for the rest of my life, it is 'not my place' to be involved in discussions. I 'knew what I signed up for' and all that. And to be fair, I can resign anytime I like.