6 Year Old DD

[FizzySherbet]

First Post and I really need help.

My 6 year old DDs’ (ID twins) behaviour is out of control. They completely rule our house with endless demands, defiance and awful behaviour. They literally don’t give a shit about anyone else except what they want. One in particular is just awful. I’m currently on her bedroom floor in tears while she kicks me and laughs hysterically. This is a nightly occurrence which she says she can’t control.

Older DS being tested for autism. The girls seem to have very different traits. They’re loud, high energy, sociable where DS is shy, calm and sticks with people he knows. Both girls still head bang on their pillow all night.

School not interested in the twins behaviour (primary one) as apparently behaviour at school is perfect with no issues. As soon as they get out of school everything completely escalates.

We’re getting some help from a parenting lady from the local council but they are fantastic when she’s here and as soon as she leaves they kick off. They simply don’t give a fuck because they know no one can do anything about their behaviour.

My partner and I can’t live like this anymore. I’m sorry to post this. I just don’t know how to keep going.

I would push for referrals for further assessment.

Also request a meeting with the SENCO. The school should be providing support. What you describe with appearing to manage at school but exploding afterwards is called the coke bottle effect or after school restraint collapse. It signifies unmet needs at school. If school was easier, home life would improve too.

Have you spoken to the GP?

Do you have any sensory toys/equipment at home?

Some people find the books The Explosive Child and the Out of Sync Child helpful. Others find PDA strategies or non-violent resistance resources helpful.

@perpetualplatespinning yes, I’ve been to the GP. The first GP said autism and referred to the community paediatrician. The referral was rejected. In my area, the referral pathway must go through the school. The second GP said they are simply taking the piss out of us.

the support lady is lovely but her input is making life harder. She visited them at school and decided to give them the challenge of getting dressed the next day when I ask them to. They took that as getting dressed immediately when they woke up and said it would surprise daddy. I tried to prevent issues by putting clothes ready in their rooms and warning OH not to get out of bed until he was surprised by them. Alas, one of them couldn’t put her buttons in and had an epic meltdown at 6.15am! Giving them challenges, especially the most difficult one, is a disaster waiting to happen!

Well meant parenting coaches can definitely make things worse

i have an adhd kid that has been having these behaviours all his life , what helped massively is currency (rewarding of what they love can get you everywhere as long as you use it right) , calm message from the parent and separating them at key times of the day when you need things done

my NT kid has similar behaviours, but all calmed down when I implemented the above

key thing for me is to help/support them (especially my ND one) when they have a task. If they are struggling with the task they ll freak out . That support lady made it much worse cause she gave them a challenging task the wrong time of the day and if you panicked they also panicked

if you have some time worth reading the Kazdin method on kindle or audiobook; I don’t follow 100% but even now I am following key aspects of calmness, support and key message to the kid. Literally changed our life

x

I would push the school to refer. And complain about the second GP!

We were in the same position as you, op, even down to the age. GP wouldn't refer because pathway is via school, but school wouldn't refer because they saw no problems.

We opened an early help assessment via the school's family worker. We eventually applied for an ehcp needs assessment ourselves (senco wouldn't do it) and finally got it. Since her needs are now being met at school, things are so much better. She's still on the autism diagnosis pathway but we now understand her much better and between us and the school, she (and we) are in a much better place. She still experiences coke bottle effect on particularly difficult days, but they're more like occasional blips now.

I second reading The Explosive Child. And yes, push for a referral.