How do you survive the school holidays ?

[MightyGoldBear]

We have no family or friends. I'm juggling burn out myself (highly likely autistic/adhd) so trying to find a "village" only pushes me more into exhaustion.

I struggle to meet everyone's needs. I've got a 10, 7 and 3 year old all potentially nurodiverse but my 7 year old partically struggles (awaiting autism assessment) with regulating and has meltdowns. He can refuse school but thankfully is going currently so we try to keep school holidays really low key and not leave the house much so he has that downtime.

Where we live isn't great for childcare. Nursery is term time. No wraparound or clubs at school.School holidays it's expensive football club with rubbish times of 10 till 1 which neither of my older ones enjoy and felt a bit vunerable with older children at it. Ideally need SEN childcare but it doesn't seem to exist or is very expensive for private nanny.

I havent been able to find a flexible wfh unicorn job that fits in the hours of 9 till 2.30. although I am regularly looking at applying but I guess its me and a billion others too.
I work very part time as bank staff 0 hours contract but ive had to turn down the very few shifts they offer me due to needing childcare. Currently my husband is having to work long days some weekends and evenings as they are down a few team members. In the holidays he will take as many days off he can and will take all three out for as long as they can manage. He makes snacks and food the night before and will genuinely try to do all he can to make it easier for me. He gets its impossibly hard with them. This still leaves the bulk to me obviously.
We obviously prioritise his work so we can survive but it still doesn't afford any extra childcare. And maybe that's an absolute mute point because it doesn't seem to actually exist for us/ they couldn't tolerate what does exist.

I've tried homestart and young carers for any support but I'm just on a wait list. Anything local is just a coffee morning type thing once a week which I think the stress of getting them all out really negates any positive. Socialising just drains my battery. We do go out soft play parks and bike rides,swimming lessons but they have to be short lived and when they are all in the right space. I can't drive so I cycle them which is a extra factor with energy levels to factor In And timings of getting home for them.

I just need a little extra support with the endless days of them in the 6 weeks. I can't afford to pay for help and no other support I'm aware of exists?

How do others survive them?

I hope I've made sense. (Currently have a three year old jumping on me and shoving peppa pig up my nose 🙈)

Have you had social care assessments? A carer’s assessment for you and assessment of at least DC2’s needs. Also look at your local short breaks offer.

Specialist SEN childcare is expensive. It doesn’t help with you being able to work and it may still be too expensive, but for support/help, rather than full childcare have you tried looking for a mother’s help type role? Or even just an older teen to help with supervision and entertainment.

Are you receiving DLA?

We are awaiting lots of this after putting in assessments and referrals including DLA . I worry we might just float above any thresholds for much support. I did look at short breaks and in my area there isn't much we could access. Just one £10 family day out visit to a farm.

I think our best bet might be a student over the summer holidays. It would just be figuring out the finer details like payment/what we could afford. I'm not sure many people do mothers help type thing anymore everything seems to be more formal.

There are still some mother’s help type roles out there.

I use the KoruKids app to find my DS's after school babysitter, if that works in your area? You can post looking for regular or ad hoc help and can filter by SEN experience. There are often school TAs and/or eg nursing students, teaching students, who might have or want SEN experience and are looking for holiday work.

It isn't cheap - much more than holiday clubs would be - and I'm lucky we can afford it.

Does your Local Authority have any 'local offer' you can tap into? The 'local offer' is a directory of support services for SEND in the area. The content and quality of which varies very much from area to area. We've managed to find some SEND-friendly holiday activities for DS from our local offer in the past. Our LEA funded a 4 days of music and drama holiday club for SEND kids at our local theatre in the past. They also fund some half day activities at our local arts centre that our DS has attended before. It's hit and miss - they have to cover a wide area and a wide range of needs, so the offer isn't always relevant, practical or interesting to DS. But it's worth a look.

Are there any Children's/Family centres near you? Admittedly, there are a lot fewer of these than their used to be, the Cameron Govt absolutely decimated the Sure Start Centre programme. Where there are centres still in existence, they are definitely worth tapping into. These will likely have support activities for SEND families. I've accessed parental advice from these centres in the past and they are also good for making referrals to other programmes. I got a funded place on a course for parents of children with communication difficulties through one of these centres about 8 years ago.

We don't have any local family members, so our 'village' has generally been other families with SEND kids. Sometimes just sitting in the park with another SEND mum and offloading whilst the kids have a swing is the best relief there is....

Thank you I looked on there and unfortunately there are no sen experienced in my area. They also make more a hour than I do so I wouldn't be able to afford it.