8 year old autistic child constant moaning

[Mummyof2asd]

Hi I have a 8 year old that is in the process of being diagnosed with ASD and maybe ADD . The problem I have is he ruins every family day out he moans about everything and enjoys ruining the day for example before we go out he says I don’t want to go out so I’m going to ruin the day and then smirks it’s like he actually gets off on it . It’s so frustrating, he isn’t at school atm as waiting a placement in a SEN school. Also if he doesn’t win like a game a race or anything like that he goes mad and screams and then will try hit his little brother. I really don’t know how to discipline him as nothing works, honestly making life so miserable for everyone . He was kicked out of mainstream school because when any of the kids won a race or a game he would hit them. I’m just so stressed atm is this life forever ? Just desperate for some help this has effected everything including my marriage .

I also tended to get upset that my child was 'spoiling' days out/holidays, was awful at home and refused to go into school/got sent home from school. It took me a while to understand that they were autistic and what autism means. But I learned that going out for a child is very overwhelming. Can maybe one parent stay home and the other takes out the other children? That's what we now do, mostly. Remember, he is not behaving like this to ruin your day. His ASD means that a day out is extremely overwhelming and upsetting for him. If you do go out, it would need to be centred around the needs and interests of your autistic child and you need to be prepared to go home and change plans if it causes meltdowns. Being around other people is difficult for autistic people, and that includes siblings, so i.m.e. distance really makes the heart grow fonder. Can you try and keep them apart from each other as much as possible? If he can't handle losing, ensure he plays online in his room and be prepared to help him to regulate his feelings when he loses. Make sure his EHCP includes therapy to help him regulate his emotions and frustration. You child will always be autistic, but the more you learn about ASD and what makes your child tick, and the more you and everyone in your family adapt to these needs, the easier it gets. It is good news that he has the option of a SS place. As a rule of thumb, the more needs your autistic child gets met, the more autonomy and agency he has, and the more insight he has into his condition, the more buffer he has to cope with change, family life, school, frustration etc. If he is already overwhelmed, he will meltdown, act out or shut down at the smallest challenge.