Anybody else feeling like they are neither truly in Holland nor in Italy?

[emkana]

I take ds out and about a lot - both to "normal" toddler groups and to various activities for children with special needs.

And I feel that ds and I don't really "belong" in either. At the "normal" groups he stands out because he is so extremely shy and because he can do a bit less than other children his age, and because he's small. But at the special needs groups he stands out because he has far less problems than the other children there, so I feel a bit of a fraud to take up the time/resources/staff that another child might be more deserving off?

Emkana, I have the same with my DS (of the same name) who is 3.8. He is physically smaller and has global developmental delay (12-20 months) - but on a good minute day could be mistaken for NT. Particularly because he is VERY friendly and sociable.

The centre administrator (glorified sec) at his SN nursery told me a few weeks ago that he was 'very easy, you should count yourself lucky.'

Today I took my DLA renewal forms in to get his Keyworker to fill in her bit and this CA said she would do it. I replied that I didn't feel she was the right person due to her previous comment about him being no different to any other child his age. To which she replied, "Well he isn't" I politely pointed out that the recent Ed Psych report states that at 44 months he is up to 20 months behind, so functioning at slightly under 50% delay in some areas so in fact YES this did make him harder work than other NT 44 month olds.

I am furious about it. Just because he looks NT and no longer needs a walking frame doesn't mean he is easy. Yes I don't have it as tough as some, but then I get no support from SS (etc), have a DH that works in USA much of the time and no live family apart from 75 (and very frail) MIL.

fiofio - are you on the wrong thread? have I missed something?

marmaduke - I'm pretty sure some of them think they are helping - we might call it denial

just had to explain to nursery that I know she is doing fantastically well, but that is because of the support systems in place, and the 1-1 etc, and please to be very sure that they put the 'she's just doing fantastically well' comments in context on her transition report...

we do part time frame - yes, she can walk, yes she doesn't want to use her frame, but if you let her do it when she's already fallen over twice in a minute, she's really going to hurt herself and I will blame you

Romy, yes very helpful I always thought it was parents who got denial (I do have a small dose of it myself )

I was very tempted to say to her, "Really, so why DOES he have a place at your very hard to get into SPECIAL NEEDS nursery?"

At times well meaning people can be obsessed with getting you to see the positive side all the time. We too have many positives and we don't want a 'pity party' but it would be nice to have some recognition that the care element is of a different order of magnitude than looking after an NT child. When I just had DS1 (ASD) I used to watch these programs where a couple have 15 children and think 'but that's impossible, how could you look after so many?' Now having DS2 (NT) I can see that 15 NT children would be a lot of work but not impossible.

Love the idea of 'a bit French' - mainly because I live in France and usually DD stands out as being NOT French. Some French kids are like programmed robots - they are taught from an early age to sit still and do what they are told...Usually, French parents assume that DD's behaviour is so odd because she is "anglo-saxon". She also tends to stand out in (English-speaking) NT groups - tried to go to a new one the other day and ended up running away in embarrassment at DD's behaviour rather than just admitting she's SN. (Not proud of that, but anyway). Thanks be for mumsnet where you can say what you think!!

oh, brioche, you've stumped me now, I don't know if I like 'a bit french' or 'a bit anglo-saxon' best