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SN children

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Original poster

17 month old NT siblling:Will he be overlooked?

13 replies

cyberseraphim · 21/05/2008 11:59

I have two DSs. One is 4 and ASD, the other is 17 months and NT. I know there is nothing to worry about. DS2 would pass the CHAT test easily, He can everything an NT 17 month old is supposed to do and can say a handful of words. I do worry though that he doesn't get enough attention because we are so focussed on helping DS1. I also sometimes feel that I don't have any experience of NT children so I don't know what to do and maybe even a residual feeling that lack of speech is 'normal'

Has anyone else felt this way?

OP posts:

pagwatch · 21/05/2008 12:05

A child with a SN sib has a different childhood IMO but that does not necessarily becaome a bad thing. My DD was born 6 years after DS2 so there was a bigger gap and I was more chilled abot DS2 so could focus well on DD. But sharing attention for sibs is difficult whether SN is involeved or not. Fortaunetly things like different schooling hours tend to allow time for lots of one to one and special time.
I remember watching DD and thinking - hmm, can't remember if that is ok or not - I think that is natural too.
I would get DS2 into nursery and playgroups and around his peers a lot as that will let you see the huge range of behaviours. And try not to see that he will be missing out by having a slightly different home life. DS2's nt sibs are fantasticly empathetic and patient and very grown up.
It is a balancing act of course but try not to see it as negative and try not to feel guilty

Original poster

cyberseraphim · 21/05/2008 12:09

He is in nursery for part of the day and has his own little 'set' of friends there so does regularly see other NT children ( and a boy with GDD) so hopefully as he gets older he will just be used to children with differences. I think part of it is just second child syndrome in that obviously there is less time to go around but it just seems that we do so little with DS2 compared to the first time around. We even struggle to find time for reading at times

OP posts:

pagwatch · 21/05/2008 12:09

gawd - sorry about the typing !

FioFio · 21/05/2008 12:24

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Original poster

cyberseraphim · 21/05/2008 12:29

Hi No it's not that, he's definitely okay. Even the Prof who Dxd DS1 did some tests with DS2 ( I had to take him with me) and then said 'At least you don't need to worry about this one' He understands everything I say, he plays imaginatively, he socially engages constantly. The paranoia is more that I'm not good enough for him because so much time goes to DS1.

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FioFio · 21/05/2008 12:36

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silverfrog · 21/05/2008 13:30

I feel the same way.

dd1 is 3.8 and ASD

dd2 is 15 months and NT so far (aside from not growing very much, so we have been referred for that! Obv couldn't totally escape hospitals with her )

I worry that I do not give her enough attention, and like you, we struggle to even find time to read with her sometimes (dd1 has always had, form about 4 months old, stories at bedtime. dd2 is lucky if she gets put to bed in peace and quiet, let alone geting snuggly stories!)

I also worry about the imaginative play side. I am so used to no having a doll's tea party etc that I don't do any of that stuff with dd2 (in fact, don't think we have any dolls!) and that is such an important area. I have pre-school lined up for dd2, but that is from 2.6 - don't hav anywhere earlier for her to be around other NT children...

Original poster

cyberseraphim · 21/05/2008 13:37

I'm not alone then, like you my worry is that I just don't know what NT children do, I know first time mums don't either but if there isn't a problem, it probably comes more naturally to them as they are not worrying ( and there is only one). I have found though that DS2 has just naturally assigned personalities to his stuffed toys and plays with them in a way that DS1 would never have done and that is something that sadly you can't just teach. We would not be able to teach DS1 that now. Also DS2 picks everything up so easily. He knows the names of all the animals on his place mat and can bring me all the fruit and veg cards on request from DS1's flash cards.

I will make a resolution though to do the bed time story !!

OP posts:

TinySocks · 21/05/2008 19:35

cyber, we are in a very similar situation. DS1 (3.4 years SN) gets so much more of my attention than DS2 (15 months NT).
I feel so so guilty. But I cannot help myself. DS1 needs all the help he can get, DS2 is developing very well.
In fact after having DS2 and seeing how NT children develop I wonder how on earth could the so called doctors and health visitors miss on DS1's lack of development.

DS2 doesn't go to nursery, but DS1 goes three afternoons a week and I try to spend that time with my little tinysocks.

Original poster

cyberseraphim · 21/05/2008 19:41

In fact after having DS2 and seeing how NT children develop I wonder how on earth could the so called doctors and health visitors miss on DS1's lack of development.

Snap ! i feel very angry with everyone who denied that DS1 had serious problems. Since having DS2, I feel they must all be mentally on another planet where there are no NT children! I remember thinking DS2 must be telepathic at 6 months because he understood so much, I really had no idea that 6 month old babies were like that.

OP posts:

silverfrog · 22/05/2008 07:58

double snap! I havr been getting retrospectively angry recently over how the professionals I saw could not see that there was something amiss with dd1. The difference between her development and dd2's "normal" development has been absolutely staggering.

I first thought something was not right with dd1 when she was around 8 months. She was diagnosed at 2.8. That's a 2 year gap, where we could have really got a handle on a ot of things, given the right info.

dd2 does just seem to be picking it all up - I only noticed that she was understanding quite a lot of language when I told dd1 that her raisins were on the little table, and dd2 sped off to steal them before dd1 could get there

Original poster

cyberseraphim · 22/05/2008 08:04

It is so bittersweet - I have to tell DS1 repeatedly to get his shoes/coat only to see DS2 crawling over immediately with the shoes/coat !

OP posts:

silverfrog · 22/05/2008 08:10

oh yes, and trying to get dd1 to name parts of an inset puzzle:

Me: "what's this dd1?
(dd2: "tat"" (cat))
Me: "dd1, what's this?"
(dd1 gazes a little unfocusedly, dd2 "tat!" (more indignantly))
Me (stifling sighs) yes dd2, its a cat, good naming! (notices small triumphant smile on dd1's face - she hates being "made" to name stuff, so in her eyes getting dd2 to do it is a victory...)

we have just taken on a nanny part time to give us a little space to work without dd2 giving all the answers to dd1, or fetching the object first, etc.

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