Mums of Dyspraxic (and other ND) children - friendships

[DyspraxiaMum]

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to reach out and see if there are any other Mums out there with children with Dyspraxia in a similar spot.

I have a 10 year old boy who has Dyspraxia. He is introverted and quiet but also highly sociable, bright, inquisitive and just a lovely kind soul. But - he doesn't really have good solid friendships and it is breaking my heart.

Football and ball games are pretty much all the boys do, and he has no interest/can't participate in these. He used to have some good friendships with girls, but they seem to be focusing on other girls now. He is not being bullied or actively excluded in any way - he actually seems quite well liked, the other boys will always greet him or say bye as he leaves for the day, he enjoys conversing with them in lessons and the dining room, he gets invited to parties and he has had some lovely weekend 1:1 playdates with some of them.

But come play time, he ends up wandering alone. He has joined the boys on occasion and they seem to be happy enough for him to join in. I've explained to him that boys tend to just congregate rather than invite people to play, and he should just go and join them, but I feel that it is probably a lot of effort for him to do that and so being alone is maybe easier.

Maybe I should just accept that if he isn't being bullied and is happy to be alone then that is fine? But it just makes me so sad to think of him that way as I think if he found like-minded boys he would be a great friend and it would really boost his self-esteem to be socialising with his peers more.

Can anyone relate? Any advice?

Yes. My bright ASD dd was very isolated at that age.

I enrolled her in activities and holiday clubs that tended to attract other children like her. She went to science camps, museum classes, and activities at the zoo. It was expensive and inconvenient as child care, but it showed her she had peers.

The situation fixed itself when she got to a very large secondary school. There was finally a big enough population that there were other children like her. It’s big enough that she doesn’t even have to be friends with everyone who is remotely similar to her. She now has a good friend group built partly on ND, but mostly on shared interests and personality.

Thank you. That is just so good to hear. I do feel he just doesn’t have a like minded child at primary really. There are about 55 children in his year group, so probably 22/23 boys and none of them are like him. I just hope the next year doesn’t damage his self esteem too much. There is a girl in his year who is a real bully and she has loads of friends. It totally baffles him and he has asked me why is she so popular. So hard to explain these dynamics.

I have no advice but I am in a similar position. My 6 year old autism and dyspraxia and he’s on the pathway for an ADHD diagnosis. He struggles to maintain friendships and does not have the same interest of other boys his age. He has similar age cousins and they go out on little bike rides together, whereas my DS can’t even ride a bike with stabilisers because he can’t grasp the pedalling motion. It’s heartbreaking because he is starting to notice his differences and has been asking why he can’t do the things that others can. I am hoping as he progresses through life he will find some solid friends who understand and accept him.

It’s so hard isn’t it. My little boy mastered his bike just before he turned 9. It was a huge huge achievement. He is still unsteady and cautious but he got there in the end. I’ve been looking for a while for a parent support network but since the dyspraxia charity closed down there aren’t any that I know of. It’s a shame as it’s such a tough condition for these kids and for us as parents to watch them struggle.

What support is the school providing? Does the school have a lunch club DS could attend? If not, you could discuss setting one up with them.

Would DS attend extra-curricular clubs based on his interests?

There would be a range of needs, but your local parent carer forum might run a group for parents.

We haven't met with them specifically to discuss the issue to be honest but I do intend to if things get any worse. He came home today saying he joined the boys today and had a good break time which is nice to hear.

He is a student librarian so one day a week he does that at lunch time and he does a club one other lunch time too which he enjoys. So that takes care of two days!

Lovely to hear DS had a good day.

I would speak to the school now rather than waiting.

Is DS in Y5 or Y6?

Y5. So another whole year to go!

Hey, I have a son who is 17 and diagnosed at 8. I also have a younger son who is ND and struggles for the same reason your son is.

It’s so incredibly difficult as they are all so different. My 17yr old somehow is very good at football so has some friends but always struggled and still does with friendships - in all honesty i think he is a missed diagnosis ADHDer.

We Have found just being apart of something else out side of school really helpful for his confidence and supporting our LO to try new things too. Currently Beavers is his vibe - could you join something like that?