I have a 6yo with autism and I’m exhausted

[Ibytam]

I don’t even know what I want from this post, sometimes I guess it just helps to write things out. I’m truly exhausted. I remember hearing stories of older and more challenging children with ASD and thinking I was so lucky, my son was great as a toddler, in fact he was great up until the end of last year so roughly 5.5.

Since Christmas he has began hitting, having more and more meltdowns, started a complete and utter obsession with throwing, I’m talking it can be non stop. All our windows and doors have to be locked as he launches everything out them if not. He launches things over the fence in the garden and it feels like it’s becoming embarrassing having to ask neighbours for our possessions back. It feels cruel to keep him in as he LOVES being outside. It would be easy to put things out of reach etc, but he has 2 younger siblings that want to play with the toys, it doesn’t feel fair.

He has started spitting now, not at people but just spitting out food everywhere and smearing it on walls I was told this week he is spitting randomly at school now too. He’s still in mainstream and I have been begging and pleading with his SEND key worker for an update in regards to him being transferred to a specialist school and I might as well sit and talk to a palm tree. I’ve sent 3 emails in the last 3 weeks and no reply. I’m sick of having to fight and make myself a nuisance.

He hits his brother every day, sometimes for no reason, he hits me sometimes for no reason, or no apparent reason anyway. My 2yo is often terrified of him. We have a 7 month old daughter too who I worry about around him even though he does show
genuine affection with her. He’s still in nappies and stool withholds, acts like he’s being tortured if you put him on the toilet. Meltdowns over bath time, stopping at traffic lights, his food didn’t instantly cook the second I put it in the oven, it’s everything.

Is it his age? Or is this honestly what the rest of our lives are going to look like? Please do not get me wrong, I love this boy, he is my world, but I am finding it so difficult and I am DREADING the upcoming school holidays.

Some find netting on the top of fences helps.

Has DS had an OT assessment to look at making the house safer? Has he had a sensory OT assessment?

Is DS receiving any support? Have you had social care assessments? A carer’s assessment for you and an assessment of DS’s needs for DS. Home Start may be able to support you.

Have you tried keeping a detailed diary to spot triggers? They may not be immediately obviously or even close in time to the incident.

How is school?

I know this feeling so hand hold here.
you have a lot on your plate.
I kept my youngest away for a long time because the hitting was the same, it does get easier, 6 was a difficult age but I always found after a really tough period, we had a leap of cognitive development . I mean, it’s always 3 steps forward and 2 back but it was there.
the holidays are really tough, whilst the weathers good , get in the garden, bubble machines paddling pools.
Rope family friends round if you can , we did divide and conquer as sometimes that was the easiest.

I am so sorry OP

this is strange to be honest , he was NT till a year ago? Has he actually been diagnosed

if he was NT and suddenly neurodiverse I wonder if there is something else going on that shows as ASD (allergy, constipation )

my youngest shows extremely odd behaviours when constipated ; when on laxatives and multivitamins and non gluten/dairy he’s NT so perhaps something to think about

sending hugs , not easy

I think what I’ve written may have come across wrong. When I say he was great up until recently I mean he was well behaved, not really super hard work, he listened etc. he has definitely been ND since day one! 😅

@Ibytam ok makes sense, hard work either way

id personally still look into these points I mentioned , they can cause havoc
if possible perhaps arrange for blood tests (vitamins deficiencies, thyroid etc)

you don’t have to pursuit , just an option

good luck

Nothing to add re advice but I do think there's something about them turning 6

My dd is the same now, was angelic before and is now having meltdowns and laying on the ground screaming in lidl

Solidarity with you advise you do your best ❤️

With a sudden deterioration in behavior have you considered PANDAS
my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/23553-pandas-syndrome