any mothers with ASD children think they may be on the spectrum themselves?

[Canadawet]

and if so, did you bother to get a diagnosis for yourself? was it worth it? I am a grown functioning adult with a job and everything, so I would have to go private for myself. I have 3 DCs, the youngest 2 now aged 20 and 17 have received proper ASD diagnosis, one privately in the UK and the youngest in the public health service in Canada and I am now EXHAUSTED, BURNT OUT, can't cope with anything, particularly gen Zs in the work place, my DCs not showing any signs of becoming independent and leaving the nest anytime soon (they are on the spectrum to be fair) and I don't know how to protect myself from the constant demands of life. I feel that with a diagnosis I will have some justification and credibility for my tiredness and perceived rudeness. Does that make any sense to someone?

Since my DC was diagnosed I have often wondered the same. DH is convinced I am and is often telling me to be kind to myself when I become dysregulated trying to support DC in whatever the crisis of the moment is. I however have a long way to go as they are only 10 but I do see burnout in my future if I continue as I am. Sorry, I don't know if what I have said is helpful in anyway - just that I completely get you and it is unquestionably hard parenting ND DC when one is ND too.

I'm sure that I am on the spectrum both DC are Autistic. Life is full on at the moment I feel pursuing a diagnosis may tip me over the edge, if that makes sense. In the future I think I will pursue a diagnosis, like you hoping for clarity and to understand myself better.

My DD (7) was diagnosed auDHD recently. She's a mirror image of me, but more extreme - probably because I'm 40 years old and have mastered 'masking'. I was certainly an odd child.
I'm awaiting an assessment via the Right to Choose. I'm not really doing it for me. Like yourself OP I'm a successful adult with a normal life. I'm doing it for her, so I can be an example for her that everything can be ok.
It would also, I suppose, help me to understand myself a bit better. Especially regarding the anxiety and stress I suffer from, seemingly without a root cause.

My youngest son was diagnosed ASC 4 years ago, and my daughter with ADHD almost 2 years ago. It made us both look at ourselves hard ! My husband was diagnosed with ASC last year, and I was diagnosed with ADHD in Feb. It's been affirming and explained so many things in life, as well as giving me the confidence to explain my needs to others eg I have issues remembering things, I get distracted easily, and have sensory issues (as well as much more!)

I am pursuing a diagnosis after my son has been diagnosed with ASD, ADHD and SGDD. Would make sense as I am a bit of a hermit, hate eye contact and have never been able to meet my potential at work due to social anxiety and EF and auditory processing issues. Have always come away from interactions without a clue how they went and feel a perpetual weirdo as a result. Masked a lot just to get by.

What is right to choose? If I get accepted onto the caseload to be assessed the wait is two years 😫

Right to choose in the uk is where the NHS refer you to a private company via the GP. The NHS pays the private company. Much shorter waiting times.

My daughter has been diagnosed with ASD.

I have an educational diagnosis of ADHD which I received as an adult at university. Tbh, I thought she had ADHD too as I was exactly like her as a child, even now we are alike she’s just a more extreme version.

When she got her diagnosis one of my close mates said to me “Yeah I'm not surprised. You realise I’ve always thought you were on the spectrum too right?” 😂

I mean it would make sense. I think my husband is too tbh. I remember saying to him years ago “why is everyone else so weird? Wait… are we the weird ones?” I don’t mean that offensively, I just mean that I struggle to understand other peoples way of thinking sometimes. Also everything seems so easy / natural for most people where as I find life a bit of a struggle. I don’t think I’m unintelligent (maybe I am though) but I just can’t bring myself to “play the game of life” in the way other people do. But I appreciate that I did I’d probably be more “successful”. I’ve never measured success in the same way as other people (owning a home, having a great job etc) but now that I’m older I realise that maybe I shouldn’t have opted out of doing all the things I was supposed to do.

Theres such a big overlap of symptoms between ASD and ADHD though so I guess I’ll never know unless I go for a formal diagnostic assessment.

Reading her diagnostic report was eye opening for me. Some of the stuff mentioned are things I do/did. Also they mentioned she can’t describe certain emotions for example “how do you feel when you’re sad?” I don’t know the answer to that other than sad. Blows my mind that people have more of answer than that. Same with happy / excited etc. To be the word is the full description, I don’t know how to go deeper than that.

Also they said when playing she can’t use an object as something else. For example: pretending a thimble is a car. I wouldn’t think to do that either. I really struggle doing imaginative play because I don’t really understand it? To me I think… what’s the point? I’ll only use items literally. I wouldn’t think to pretend a car is a rocket because it’s just not.

Before my daughter was diagnosed I think I had an outdated view about what ASD is or isn’t. I’d always assumed because i’m considered by others to have good social skills it couldn’t possibly be applicable to me. But actually… it’s all an act. I’ll be whoever I need to be in a situation to get through it so basically… a great masker.

Yeah I’m gonna stop typing now as the more I talk the more I realise I probably am 😅

I think if you think you are and that a diagnosis will help you to better understand yourself it’s 100% worth doing. For me: I just can’t be bothered. The idea of sitting in a room whilst someone asks me questions I’d find frustrating sounds like hell on earth.

The idea of sitting in a room whilst someone asks me questions I’d find frustrating sounds like hell on earth.

story of my life 😂

Bloody forms at work when you are expected to fill pages of nonsense for your end of year review or what not, or to describe the impact of your work for your community, this is nightmare for me.

at least with a diagnostic I will have an answer, sorry I can't do that, I'm autistic.

Answer - me possibly but then my DC father diagnosed on spectrum anyway. BUT for me - does it make any difference? I can work, have friends, deal with life ok so would a diagnosis help my child. Short answer - no.

Yes, I’m autistic but I only figured it out years after I should have. 3/4 of my children are autistic and I was diagnosed, aged 37. After a lifetime of mental health struggles, hospital admissions and wrongly applied diagnoses, I finally figured out what might really be going on. Luckily for me, I never received any resistance from my GP. I waited 3 years for an NHS diagnosis.

I have found it incredibly helpful - I feel as though I don’t need to be ashamed of the things I find difficult any more.

Exactly Lyannaa, I think that it should be uplifting to finally know why nothing ever made sense and why I simply can’t do certain things apparently normal like going to Costco. And because of masking I have this imposter syndrome, so having a diagnosis will alleviate any anxiety in joining adults ASD groups. Can’t wait. I have an appointment in 2 weeks’ time.

Not personally but since DS was diagnosed my 40-something brother has been referred for assessment. The genetic link is well established and I know lots of families with more than 1 autistic member.

My eldest is diagnosed with ASC and we are SO similar I really think I have it too. But when I look at the questions for an adult assessment where I live I just think hmmmmmm probably most of the questions would be a no.

Do I struggle with eduction/my job? Nope, got a fantastic job and loads of post grad qualifications
Am I awkward socially? Well I don't think so but my job has forced me to get better at this so maybe it's just masking?

And then I do so many other stuff that I think surely must be Autism (like having to do all journeys out of the house in a circular route, genuine range and anxiety about people not following my perceived social "rules", loads and loads of sensory stuff..) so I might see about an assessment

In my area it's less than 20 weeks to get an assessment if your initial paperwork suggests ASC so wouldn't be too long to wait...

I did the first 2 parts of my ASD assessment, I will have the proper feedback in 2 weeks, but the assessor referred me to an ASD specialised psychologist, so I think she probably thinks I am/have ASD. Most of my life was pretty much stress free so I was accommodated so to speak, until I ended up having children, 2 of them on the spectrum, that I was not able to self regulate, the constant demands and crisis and complications that come with children being stressed out of their wits for socks or whatnot, I started to feel the pressure and I became less able to mask or to filter, I cannot stand small talk, etc. The answer according to my assessor? Diminuer la surcharge. Unfortunately I cannot decrease my family responsibilities so I will have to decrease my work schedule, which means less money and it sucks. But I’m slowly starting to accept and acknowledge my situation. Having a diagnosis for me helps with that, I can’t cope with stress very well, I cannot prioritise all the inputs in order of importance and I get overwhelmed and I snap.
sigh

Eldest has adhd (as does dh), youngest is on the autism assessment pathway. Yes I've thought about it, and thinking about how I react has made me understand amd support dd better, but in turn helped me understand myself better too! Looking back, I think i masked so much I don't feel confident of what is really 'me' and what is me putting on an act to fit in. I've just always done it, and thought that was what everybody did. I've only really felt completely and unapologetically me with close family. I don't think a diagnosis will benefit me at this stage, but approaching life with an understanding of my daughter means I am less hard on myself and more honest with others (and unapologetic) about the things I find difficult/ don't come easily to me.