School believe DS9 has ADHD - where do I start?

[Fitzcarraldo353]

Had DS' parent-teacher meeting and his teacher strongly believes he has ADHD. Can't say this is a surprise and I don't disagree with her. She herself has a daughter with it and told me 'as a parent, I'd be pursuing a diagnosis'.

I'm not sure where to start with him! From the school side, she said I just have to email her and the SENCO/Deputy Head requesting they get the ball rolling with an assessment and did say it can take 3 years. She's happy to start this process as soon as we request it.

Should I pursue a private diagnosis in the meantime? Where would I start with this?
And for those with children with ADHD, any tips on managing him in the meantime?

For reference, I would say he has fewer hyperactivity symptoms than the attention deficit ones:

• cannot focus on something if it doesn't interest him but is incredibly focused when he wants to be eg can sit and read a book he loves for an hour and is fantastically focused in karate lessons but ask him to sit and write in his reading journal and it can take ages as anything distracts him
• his teacher is great, but said his levels of focus in class are problematic and she is convinced there's something causing it. He CANNOT stop talking in class to whoever is around him. He also REALLY struggles to focus on independent classwork (year 4). She'll sometimes send him out of class to the desks in the corridor to finish his work but if anyone comes out to go to the toilet etc. his focus just goes and he won't finish it.
• He's really bright - greater depth in maths and reading - but struggles with writing anything down. Can explain concepts or whatever they're discussing verbally with great understanding but ask him to write anything he can only focus on one aspect eg if he's focusing on using adverbs he'll do that great but his handwriting, spelling and basic grammar like capital letters will disappear.
• At home, he can take 45 minutes to get dressed in the morning, but will have created something brilliant in lego or ready a Beano comic cover to cover instead.

He's lovely, creative, charming and bright so I just want to help him as both me and his teacher are really worried that he's just not going to fulfill his potential.

As a side note, DH is NOT on board with this at all. Insists it's just a choice and he should just sort himself out. Has never considered ADHD to be a factor, which I have before.

Any help/advice MUCH appreciated or even a point in the right direction to some resources. Thanks.

Your ds sounds lovely and will likely have a bright future with the appropriate support.

There are books out there that focus on how parents can help the dc with their executive function weaknesses. I'm reading one at the moment, but it's for teenagers (it's called Smart but Scattered Teens). Adhd is also highly hereditary - could your dh have it? He really needs to be on board with your approach, so will he consider reading resources, or watching videos about it? If he has it, too, then tackling it may be more problematic for your dh, even once he gets on board. I have a lot of personal experience to draw on!

If you can afford it, I'd recommend paying for private assessment and follow up treatment. If you can't afford it, look up Right to Choose and ask your GP to refer him to a private specialist as part of that scheme. Privately, he'll be assessed within weeks, right to choose could take months, but totally NHS will be years. You really need this addressing before he gets to secondary school.

If you go down the completely private route, first ask your GP if they'll take on a Shared Care Agreement if/ when your ds is diagnosed.

We went with adhd360. £520 for the assessment, a further £830 for follow up treatment plan (medication costs are additional, and will come in at about £50pm on top of that). Price drops significantly in the following years, but you could also apply for Disability Living Allowance to help with additional costs, once he's diagnosed.

It's really positive that that school sees it and will likely be supportive in terms of submitting any necessary evidence.

In the meantime, assume he's got it, read whatever you can about it and ensure the school put in place whatever is necessary (ask for an Individual Education Plan).

@Whatafustercluck thanks so much for this info. Great place to start.

DH doesn't have it (fairly certain - he's incredibly focused, get shit done guy). He is pretty severely dyslexic though, so videos probably a better source of support for him than books, which he'd struggle to get through. Fairly certain DS doesn't have dyslexia as reading isn't an issue for him and while his spelling is awful, it's not when he's focused on it. It falls apart when trying to focus on something else.

We can probably afford private (at least I'll feel more confident saying that if I get the job I have a second interview for tomorrow!) but if not the Right To Choose path seems like something good to look into, so thanks for suggesting it.

In a way, in the short term, it's academic if he has a diagnosis or not as we still need to manage him somehow and I'm bored of the endless fights getting out the door or getting dressed in the morning. It's not working.

If you go private and affording private prescriptions on an ongoing basis would be an issue, definitely check if your GP will take on shared care as pp suggested. Many GPs won’t these days.

Whatever you decide to do about diagnosis, you need a meeting with the SENCO to look at support in school. That isn’t based on diagnosis. What support is the school already providing? What is DS’s extended ‘writing’ like when someone scribes for him? Has he tried to use a laptop and assistive tech? What about speech to text software?

Check lists work for some with getting ready. If you don’t already get things ready the night before, that can help too.

Thanks @StrivingForSleep those are great questions for school.

We do get uniform out the night before and have very regular morning routines. It's just getting him to do each step. I'm sure you know how it goes:

'ok go brush your teeth... that's lovely but have you brushed your teeth... Great you can tell me all about it later but can you brush your teeth now...no it's not time to do that, I just need you to brush your teeth...' 🤣

Are you sending DS back upstairs for tooth brushing once he has already been downstairs? Some find the opportunity to get sidetracked reduces if they are brushed downstairs - and even if it doesn’t reminding/keeping on task is easier if you are also downstairs.

Yeah we do breakfast, then teeth then get dressed. Mostly in that order because of the frequency of breakfast or toothpaste ending up on their uniform if they get dressed first. We do keep calling him or reminding him to get back on task but it's endless.

I guess I thought he'd grow out of it but now realising that's not what's likely. And like I said up thread DH just thinks he needs to sort himself out and isn't (yet) facing the fact maybe he can't help being distracted. I think he's traditional strict guy who thinks it's giving him an excuse for poor behaviour. My view is that bad behaviour is bad behaviour and will be dealt with, but this kind of disorganisation is something else but like I said I've had more time to think about it. DH just hasn't considered it before so is feeling more blindsided.

Even as I'm typing this I'm listening to DS sing and play with Lego instead of getting changed for karate.