First meeting with SENCo - any advice?

[MrsMAFs]

Hi

My DD is 6, yr 1 in mainstream primary school. I have long suspected DD to be ADHD, wouldn't be at all surprised if Autism was suggested as we go through the diagnosis process.

Issues with DD were highlighted in nursery, a conversation with nursery teacher occurred surrounding her behaviours in the classroom but nothing else materialised. This was shortly before she moved into Reception. Issues such as talking to herself, walking in circles, not making real friendships, problems with fine motor skills.

DD has always been very anxious however this really ramped up in Reception and DD was given counselling for this but discharged after a short 8 week programme. The counselling helped but i wouldn't say any issues were really resolved. I requested DD be monitored by the previous SENCo in Reception following nurserys concerns and the issues with anxiety. Although the SENCo seemed to agree with other concerns she didn't think anything really suggested there was a problem.

Leap forward to year 1. Anxiety through the roof again. Lots of issues around school dinners and other things. I spoke to DDs teacher about this for support and they were great and some things were put in place to help DD. Requested counselling again but there is a waiting list. I mentioned in passing suspect DD is ADHD but no in depth conversations or anything. Since this my DP and I took DD to the GP, she suffers with tummy ache and has done since she can talk. That ramped up with the anxiety and so we wanted DD checked by the GP again. At this appointment we were referred to CAMHS. I will add here that DP is reluctant to have DD diagnosed and that is what we told the GP and CAMHS when I had the appointment with them. CAMHS feel DD is neurodiverse based on out appointment. However GP still supplied right to choose information incase we changed our minds.

Fast forward a couple of weeks and DDs teacher had a word with me. She is now concerned DD is showing signs of ADHD. Anxiety off the scale. School work really suffering. Suggest we follow the right to choose pathway to have DD assessed. We now have a meeting with teacher and SENDCo to explore what issues DD is having at school. I want to go to the school with some suggestions of what i think may help DD in the classroom but i am new to all of this and wondered if anyone else with ADHD girls could help with ideas?

What i see in DD at home:
Anxious
Passionate about wrong and right
Puts herself down if she doesn't achieve perfectness
Talks none stop
Has to be asked to do things a million times before it registers
Sensory with sounds, smells, tastes and clothes particularly socks and underwear
Doesn't eat a wide variety of foods
Gets major obsessions which changes at the drop of the hat
Constantly moving / fidgeting
Likes to be in control
Travel sick
Tummy problems
Sleep issues on occasion, currently in a good run at the moment
Not very independent even though very bright e.g. wont toilet alone, doesn't get herself dressed etc.

Basically the only time dd is quiet / still is when shes asleep or playing on her tablet which we do limit however it does seem to be the only time she is truely calm. Sleep issues also seem to have resolved since the tablet was introduced on her 6th birthday - could be a coincidence.

My eldest is ASD PDA ADHD and has to feel in control. We give him choices when we can, not too many in one go as that can be overwhelming, maybe just 2 at a time. Even if we know the answer, it still helps them feel like they chose it.

We give him lots of warnings about things that are going to happen, using charts if necessary sometimes. The school uses a visual timetable and is very aware of not changing the schedule without warning. If he needs to go somewhere new it's explained to him where it is and what is going to happen.

If he has to do something new or different the school let him pick a fidget toy to take with him so he can distract himself with it if he gets anxious.

We split out his food so he knows exactly what he is eating. We add in an extra food, something he is less likely to eat but offer a reward for eating it.

The joy of a tablet is that it is something they can totally control, they can choose the game and allows them to focus on one thing rather than lots of things going on around them that they can't control. We set times on it so he knows how long he has to play with it and when it is finished he knows what he can do next like choose a book or a game.

The perfectionist, I can totally relate. Maybe they need to pick easier goals and build up if the concern is they can't do the full amount that is asked of them.

Sorry I waffled on a bit and not totally related to your meeting. I hope some of it helps though.

For socks and underwear, have you tried seamless and seamfree versions?

Some things to think about that might help at school include:
Does DD use ear defenders or noise cancelling headphones?
Think about placement within the classroom - front, back, side, near window, near door, which children next to or not sharing a desk with other children, etc.
Things to support DD’s sensory needs in the classroom, e.g. standing desk, rocker chair, bands on chair legs, wobble cushion, exercise pedals, fidget toys…
Proper movement breaks
Written/visual instructions
Breaking instructions down into steps
Checking DD has understood and processed the information
Sometimes a whiteboard or tablet can help with perfectionism.
Somewhere separate to eat at lunchtime and relaxation of any packed lunch rules.
Sensory circuits
Emotional literacy support/Zones of Regulation
Nurture group
Drawing and talking therapy or similar.

The school may not be able to provide some of these without an EHCP.

Can DD communicate what she is anxious about?
What are DD’s motor skills like? Is it a case of can’t physically do things like get dressed or is it the demand she struggles with?

Diagnosis is important for understanding yourself, so I would go ahead with the assessment. Would DD feel the same if it was a condition like asthma?

These are so helpful thank you. Never even thought about position in the classroom and not aware of all the aids available.

DP is coming round. I have a GP appointment next week for the right to choose appointment.

We tried m&s seamfree tights but she didn't get away with them. We have figured out though that she can manage easily with the cushioned sole socks from Next and some of their underwear so thankfully solved those (just prey they don't discontinue them).

With the help of school we have condensed her packed lunch so she doesn't feel like it takes long to eat. Fortunately she just takes bread cheesestring fruit and a cake bar so all within their rules. She has a school lunch one day a week where the TA supports her bur she hates it as it takes too long.

No ear defenders and reluctant to start them and she's managed this long. But she is particularly sensitive to noises she's not expecting so if an alarm went off she would find it very hard. Same if a loud car drove past etc.

She masks a lot. At school it seems she is anxious of getting things wrong / not being perfect.

If you need to revisit socks/underwear in the future you could look at sensory smart.

I would reconsider ear defenders. Just because DD has managed (more likely masked) previously doesn’t mean she doesn’t need them now. Sensory overwhelm can contribute to anxiety.

Thank you for that. Will definitely take a look if we struggle.

I will see what school say in the meeting regarding ear defenders. If they think she may find them useful.