ASD/ toilet training

[BeDearQuoter]

Hi everyone
DD is 3 and she has ASD. I’m currently trying to potty train for the 2nd time. First time I stuck at it for 7 months and didn’t have 1 single wee in the toilet or potty. This time round I’ve tried again as she’s definitely physically ready but I’m not so sure about emotionally now I’m in the thick of it again.
she seems to be terrified of the toilet and potty, she won’t sit on them at all. I’ve tried everything, from letting her read a book on the toilet to screen time on the toilet, to singing, rewards, the lot. She is now withholding wee and poos all day so I’m unsure whether it’s the “let go” feeling or the toilet that’s the issue. She thrives on routine and I feel the toileting is a big change which may be contributing to her refusing too. We have a children’s seat with steps for the toilet and a potty so she can choose. She is fine wearing pants just doesn’t do anything or holds until she eventually can’t hold any longer and has an accident. Does anyone have any advice or tips? Should I just approach this gradually? I really don’t want to make any anxieties around toileting she has worst

What’s her language comprehension and speech like? I had this with my dd, she was holding everything in like you describe. She eventually got there about 6 months before starting school (phew).

I would take all the pressure off and leave it for a while. But I totally empathise because it’s very difficult when they hold it in.

I agree with taking the pressure off. You don’t want DD to withhold to the point of constipation because that will make it far more difficult.

Has DD had a sensory OT assessment?

Will DD sit on the potty or toilet with a nappy/pull-up on? That will help you work out if it is the toilet/potty or the feeling of not having a nappy/pull-up on. If DD will sit on the toilet/potty with the nappy on, you could let her do that. Once comfortable, you could start cutting a split in the nappy/pull-up, gradually getting bigger. A strange suggestion but I have known it work.