Anyone have any ideas about real nappies for older children?

[TinkerbellesMum]

I've just been talking to Mum and said I'd post and ask if anyone can help on this.

My nephew is 4 and has TOFs. Basically (amongst other things) he was born with out an anus and had to have one constructed for him. He doesn't have a sphincter muscle so he has very little control over him bowel movements, occasionally he realises something is coming, so he has to still wear nappies.

He is at a nursery attached to the primary school that his brother and sister go to. There was a big fight to get him into that school because they didn't want a child in nappies (he has no SEN). Now they are saying he has to be in pants because the other kids are noticing.

I've been saying for a long time it would be better for his self esteem etc to have real nappies. I've looked for some, but I'm not sure which are best, how good they are for holding solid waste. Has anyone used them? Anyone have any advice?

Hi - My ASD son is 4 and we are in the process of toilet training - he is out of nappies and uses the Boots training pants which are effectively nappies made up as Y fronts. However my DS is very thin ( and tall) and uses the biggest size so if your nephew is chunkier they may be too small. Bright Bots ( Google it) are quite good too.

I forgot to say that actually. One of the things he has wrong is his food pipe wasn't connected. The scar means he can't swallow food very well (scar tissue doesn't stretch which the food pipe should) and often chokes. It's left him with bit of a food phobia so he is very thin. He's not short for his age but weighs less than Tink who is only in 9-12/12-18 at the moment (we're transitioning between sizes).

this company may be useful - i get the impression that the lady who runs the company is very amenable to talking things through on the phone (I don't have any personal experience of real nappies - site is run by a lady who used to post on another parenting site I frequented).

www.snazzypants.co.uk/

sorry school are being so unhelpful.

DD1 is 4 and just moving out of real nappies into disposables. Not because of any problems with the nappies, just as she gets more demanding we could do with freeing up the time the daily nappy wash takes.

Tbh, real nappies are orders of magnitude better at retaining poo. They are closer-fitting so contents are less likely to make off down one trouser leg. However, they are more bulky and would probably be more noticeable.

Real nappies are a bit harder to get right than dispos - there is a huge range of types of system, which juggle the variables of cost, ease of use and drying time. Plus they all fit differently (they have less elastic than dispos so are less one-size-fits-all) hence the usual recommended path is to buy an assortment or "trial pack" and then buy more of whatever works for you. But that is a lot more difficult when you are coming to it fresh at this age when so few nappies are made in the larger sizes.

So - hard to advise. My personal recommendation would be to get hold of a WAHM (Work At Home Mum) supplier and give them your specific measurements and get them to make up one or two samples. They are far more likely to help you out than the big suppliers. I've heard good things about the minki lady for instance.

Is that any help?

I'm partly annoyed they are being like that, but partly pleased because personally I think it will do him the world of good. He knows when he has poo'd and he gets upset about it. He loves playing "stinky feet" (where he makes people smell his feet or socks lol) but if it's too general like "Eeeee Aid you smell" then he gets really upset.

He may have no SEN but he does have SN due to his medical issues. Schoola are not allowed to discriminate against children in nappies - they are bound by the Disability Discrimination Act. Does your nephew have a continence nurse or anyone similar? They would be able to advise re the school issues.

Can't help on the real nappies, I'm afraid but will watch for any ideas - dd2 is in real nappies but still only little.

That's how they eventually got him into the school. They had to take it to the LEA who said they couldn't not take him in. I'm not sure who he sees from the hospital beyond his TOFs doctor.

I've sent an email to Snazzy Pants because theirs looks the most like pants that I've seen, to see if they have any suggestions about what would be best for him.

They should be able to get a grant to buy the nappies and Birmingham CC gives £30 towards real nappies (all together now "Ooooooh") so should be a selling point to SIL.

Does your nephew have any input from the PCT continence advisor. In our county, when a child with SN is still in nappies once 4 and above it is possible to get NHS nappies. This happens following a referral to the Continence advisor- a nurse who came out to see us. For now my DS uses their disposables but she did say that it is possible for them to provide washable trainer pants when we get to a stage where they would be appropriate. So, it may be worth finding out what continence services your nephew is eligable to access (if he isn't already) as he may get trainer pants for free.

My DS used to wear fuzzibunz when he was 4 as they come in large sizes, loads of lovely colours and can contain a lot. The lady on that site was very helpful helping me choose from a range of larger nappies. He's now 6, still in nappies and uses NHS disposables as it's easy to send disposables to school.
IME, washable nappies in large sizes are great for containing squashed/sloppy poo but are very bulky and don't look anything like the pants the others are wearing. I had a minkilady nappy but found it bulky and a bit strange having the fleece on the outside but it looked snazzy! I have also found that as my DS has got older clothes are cut for boys in pants so aren't as roomy for going over real nappies as say toddler clothes are.

have you looked on the Education and Resources for Improving Childhood Continence (ERIC) website? here plenty of info and some pants that look like ordinary pants but have pads in them.

Sounds like it is a balance between having something discreet such as a slim disposable pull up or something that looks like the pants the other boys are wearing but will contain any accidents

I was really saddened to hear that one reason given by nursery for your nephew to be in pants is that the other children are noticing. It is for the staff to deal with the other children's comments in a way that promotes his self esteem, not his job to change so as than be embarrassed. It sounds as though he has been through some major physical challenges so I hope they (the nursery) are making him feel proud of all he has achieved, not inadequate for using nappies.....climbs back down off of continence soap box now....

btw, if you're looking at fuzzi bunz or if you try them and like them, I'd recommend this US supplier: the fuzzi bunz store - even with import duty, US prices are low enough that it's usually cheaper than any of the UK suppliers. And they have them on sale from time to time.

We're just switching from Fuzzis - one of the most highly-rated systems though expensive. They used to make very large ones, going up to teenage sizes. Not sure if they still do the XXL - hard to find on the internet, finding XL (which fits my four year old) is hard enough. You could try contacting the manufacturers direct. mother of eden