Dla being abused by parent

[Crazyhousewife23]

To cut a long story short I’ve recently moved my child to a new school and started speaking to this mum we are both in receipt of dla and she will tell everyone her child has adhd (not diagnosed), the problem I have is aside from the fact that she neglects her child (severely overweight, lives on takeaways, up playing games all night while she sleeps in bed, no after school clubs or contact with anyone other then dad) she seems to be spending the child’s dla money on her other child. When I was speaking to one of the other mothers in the playground about it; she said everyone knew what she was like. The dad had called her out on Facebook for being neglectful (child dirty and unclean, never buys new clothes, haircuts, no registered dentist, doesn’t go to school meetings) and ignoring the door to children’s services (I’m more concerned that they are letting her), but he doesn’t know about the dla he has already shouted at her for spending his child maintenance on her new child (not his child) but she is now spending this child’s dla and other money as she is subject to the 3 child rule as this is her third child. To note this new child’s father lives with her but they do seem to be spending money on drugs, takeaways and the new child. I’m just concerned about the child in general but also that money is supposed to be spent on him, can they not do anything about her abusing it?!

The family is obviously known to children’s services, so I would mind my own business and certainly wouldn’t be discussing it with other parents.

You are new; you can’t possibly know the intricacies of their lives. Difficulties with eating and sleeping can be part of a child’s additional needs. Not all children with additional needs can cope with extra-curricular activities. The father could take the child to a dentist/for a haircut/buy clothes and he cannot dictate how the mother spends maintenance.

Surely he should be able to dictate that it goes on his child only. He really shouldn’t be paying for her other child that isn’t his.
no this is what has put me off approaching the subject with her as she explained to me when we were discussing our child’s needs that her child was fine until 8 years old and now has adhd. It all seemed very weird.
the topic was brought up among the other mothers and I was included in the conversation about the father posting on Facebook with concerns.
having a child on a computer surely isn’t good. He is on this from 5am in the morning until midnight on a weekend and during holidays and then up until midnight on a school night and up playing at 5am. I did state there was help available in our area that could support her but she refuses to have anyone in the house due to the condition of the house.

Surely he should be able to dictate that it goes on his child only.

Absolutely not. The paying parent has precisely zero control what over what the receiving parent uses maintenance for.

I will ignore the rest of your post. It is judgemental and other parents discussing the family and being judgemental isn’t an excuse to join in.

If you have genuine concerns for the child, then report your concerns. As it stands, it sounds like playground gossip which may or may not have a real basis. The father paying maintenance and 'calling her out' on social media could always have the child 50/50 if he's concerned for their welfare and what money is being spent on. But I suspect that's the last thing he actually wants.

Butt out and focus on your own child.

Surely he should be able to dictate that it goes on his child, only.

No. The legal position on this is that if the father (or NRP) has a higher standard of living than the parent with care, it is expected that the CM calculation enables the child to have the same standard of living as they would if their parents lived together. This can and will also mean that other people living in the same household may benefit from this.