Arrogant, cocky and rude

[KarenThirl]

J (9, AS) is so arrogant. It makes him a very unpleasant person to be around, and I can see that if he adopts this attitude in secondary school (currently Y4) he'll spend half his time in detention and the other half being beaten to a pulp by kids he's irritated.

He's pedantic, not literal - will find a loophole to behave in what he sees as a 'cool' way. Mostly it seems typical age-appropriate behaviour rather than Aspie, just exaggerated and without controls. Eg, he has a thing with mirrors, his reflection can over-excite or upset him, depending on the mood to begin with. One day he was bubbling and being silly (clear signs that he's on the way to losing control) when he got out of the shower so I advised him to take a couple of steps away from the mirror so it wouldn't bother him, so he stepped BACKWARDS where he could still see it and continued making faces at it. He was most definitely doing it to prove he's cleverer than I am. I just can't get it through to him that he's making himself rude and dislikable and that he'll get into trouble for it as he gets older.

Has anyone else had experience of dealing with this with their Aspies?

Karen,sadly this is all very familiar.Ds (7 as) is just the same.It drives me mad and makes me so cross.It is the whole attitude thing and the fact that when you tell him what will happen to him if he carries on ie being beaten to a pulp,he just can not imagine that outcome at all.I guess that is the "lack of social imagination"!!!!I dont know how to deal with it either.I just end up getting exasperated!!Do you havea County Autism Team who you could contact who could come out and see J?That is the route i am going to go down with ds.I think he will take things better from someone other than me.We also have an appt with the consultant who dx him next week and i might try and get her topoint ds in the right direction re social behaviour.

Hi Yummymum. I thought there'd be others, surprised you're the only one who's replied though! Not so sure it's lack of social imagination with J, he certainly grasps the concept of being lamped/detention but at times he either seems not to be able to stop himself (when the silliness has kicked in) or gets so caught up in what he perceives as cool lippiness that he doesn't care any more - showing off NOW is far more important to him than being lamped in two years' time, iykwim.

He does have a social skills group at school, and we're meeting soon for an IEP review, so I think I'll ask then if it can be addressed as part of the group. Hope you have some luck with your ds' consultant. Let me know if you pick up any tips!

My ds(8) is certainly rude, no doubt about that!

What I find really difficult regarding ds and his difficult behaviour, is that he has real problems recalling any consequences that I've threatened him with. He's so wrapped up in the 'present', that whatever I've said previously is not even brought to thought. It's like if I'm not there, I'm not thought about, including what I've said about behaviour.

I know this doesn't really have have much relevance to your OP but you've helped so many people on mumsnet with your wise advice, that I didn't want to not post on your thread.

Thanks for your reply, macwoozy. It IS relevant, in that I'm looking for different experiences of dealing with rudeness and how effective they've been - I think what you've said does have a bearing on J because, when he is beginning to lose control and act silly, he's similar to your boy. He too (at times) acts as though my advice isn't being heard and keeps on going. The key to J has always been Staying Calm (we have a social story on the subject!) because once he gets unsettled he can't think clearly to act appropriately, and that's defnitely part of the problem. With all strategies I've used on him it's taken many, many months to begin to take effect so I'm hoping that this will be the same, that if I keep on keepin' on he'll get it eventually.

Thank you for your kind comments too - what a nice thing to say!