Feel lost with suspected autistic child

[stressedatbestt]

So my son who is 7 has always been abit emotional, since he was around 3 he struggled with certain situations and would really blow up and throw tantrums. It was lockdown so he didn’t attend nursery, I assumed it was the “terrible twos”.

Fast forward to now he is still highly emotional and everything seems a really big deal to him. He really struggles with social skills both at school and home, including even talking to some family members he refuses and hides. He has issues with the toilet where he urines himself frequently and he states he doesn’t know he has to go until it’s too late. He has wet himself twice at school in the past month, he does it at least twice a week at home. Sometimes soils himself but this is much less frequent. I approached the GP who agreed this is most like a behavioural issue as the urine test come back ok.. They told me any referrals for tests relating to autism needs to be done via the school.

I approached the school the teacher was nice but said she had seen no issues with my son, even though I have been complaining frequently about my son being picked on and his lack of social skills. She stated she would watch him for a six week period before asking SEN to come in. I agreed and wrote her a list of things I had noticed he does and she agreed she would have a look into it. Fast forward six weeks, I approached the teacher who said in fact there was a long list of children waiting for the SEN teacher to pay them a visit in class and my son wasn’t “that bad” compared to others. I asked how long I’d have to wait she said at least another six weeks, I’m just so unsure what to do next as the school are telling me this is a new issue I have raised and they have no record of me ever having concerns before and at school he isn’t “that bad”.

I feel awful on my son and I don’t know how to encourage his social skills or anything at all as I’ve never dealt with a SEN child. He stims a lot and chews his jumpers, shoe laces etc which I have at home allowed him a chew blanket. I have also gave him a bag with spare clothes for school, but honestly not sure what to do next?

Firstly I don't know what your GP is on about. You don't need the school to refer a child for an autism assessment. It would help of course but I'd still push for it regardless. The fact they said he's not "that bad" which is an awful statement in itself, means they obviously see something.

There's definitely some signs there I can relate to. You can either go back to your GP (ask to see a different one) or look into a private diagnosis.The quiet ones are always the ones that get overlooked, he sounds like an anxious child who is probably internally dealing with things and I'd definitely be pushing for more support. Even look into an EHCP (you can apply yourself).

If you aren’t getting anywhere with the class teacher, have you approached the SENCO or HT directly?

On the practical side, there are watches you can buy that vibrate at set times to remind the wearer to go to the loo. My son sounds similar to yours, doesn’t notice he needs to go until he is already weeing. But as long as he is reminded to go every 3 hours he is fine!

https://shop.eric.org.uk/products/tab-time-vibration-watch-red

Link is to one on the ERIC website but I’m sure others are available!

There is also chew pedants and things you could try to see if that would save his clothes.

Thank for all your responses! I am going to make another appointment with the GP about a referral, I love the watch idea! So I’ve just ordered one of those! Thank you so much

Your GP simply wants to save himself work. The best way is for you to go via Right To Choose. Choose a Right to Choose provider, complete their online questionnaire and send it to your GP for referral (a simple forwarding job of an email attachment). It's much quicker that way and no work for your GP. They probably want some infos from your school prior to assessment, so I'd keep checking in with your SENDco and sharing your concerns and observations with them, ideally via email, too. Not feeling the need to go to the toilet is not a behaviour issue, it can often indeed be a sensory processing issue with ASD. Some autistic people feel things more acutely than 'normal', and some less. Autistic dd hardly flinched when her arm fractured in several parts, while autistic ds screams in pain when I stroke his hair.