How to support a sibling with a child with SEN

[Sadsister232]

My nephew has ADHD and possible ASD awaiting assessment for the ASD. I receive distressed messages from my sister all the time. Nothing I say helps. I feel useless.

Anyone?

I would ask your sister what she wants. Does she want someone who listens and she can offload to? Does she want practical physical support, e.g. offering to help care for DN? Does she want practical support with how to secure support, e.g. support securing a good EHCP, DLA, social care support? Different people want different types of support.

The SN boards are quieter so it takes longer to get replies, but you don’t get some of the awful replies the main boards sometimes attract.

Lots and lots listening. You really can’t ‘fix’ anything. Sometimes you just need to unload.

Try to help her remember she’s a person outside of her caring responsibilities. Sometimes it’s easy to feel like it’s all you are / all you do.

How much you can do in practice will depend on geography / work / your own commitments.

TBH my pet peeve is when people say ‘oh my kid does xyz’ and it’s like 2% of what my boy is doing. Makes me feel like they were t listening to me. But this might just be me.

In what way is she distressed?
DD gets upset witnessing DS behaviour, she worries about getting hurt, she gets less attention than him at times, she gets frustrated. Etc etc.
Depending on how she’s feeling, she may need different things.

DD is part of a “young carers” group where they get to do acts with other siblings of Sen children. It gives them a chance to talk about difficulties.
She has a learning mentor at school for emotional support.
We make sure that each of us gets time 1:1 with her.

Give her a break from her child. That's what I value most with a high needs child. Help her with admin/finding out what her rights are.

God yeah, I've tried to have a word with MN about this. Why do they let people post on AIBU about SEN children causing problems in MS schools because the system is failing and they aren't getting specialist places or support, then and invite a bunch of trolls to perpetuate harmful stereotypes about children with special needs or learning disabilities. Some people were calling a primary aged child a sex offender the other day.

I asked them to move it to the education or SN boards so people could explain to the OP why this is happening and advise them properly, but MNHQ wasn't interested, even though it may sense. Seems they like the traffic that these bigots create.

@Porcelainpig I’m not sure the answer is to move those threads to the SEN or SN boards. Those boards are supposed to be a safe place. Threads like that invite ignorant posts even when they aren’t posted in AIBU. It would be unwise to move that onto boards that are supposed to be a safe place for parents of DC with additional needs.

I sometimes send upset messages to my group of 3 good friends. They are too dar away to be of practical help but they tell me I'm doing my best, they comfort me, they listen and make me feel like someone understands my perspective. It really helps.

If you are close enough, a bit of respite would be great. Especially if she has other chikdren that she might like to do something fun with, without all the dráma and tension and meltdowns.