Lunchbox Red Notes At School!

[Parkerbosily]

My son is SEN with an EHCP at school and has a lot of food sensory issues. He's got a physical disability as well as learning difficulties and food is an issue because one he struggles to eat things independently with his physical disability and two because of his sensory issues. He has very limited things he eats and his dietician, child psychologist and headteacher have agreed he can eat what he wants to at school.
His school has a policy on lunchbox items where if they have too many "red items" they get a red note sent home and if they get so many they don't get put into a raffle at the end of term. It really is horrible.
About a month ago my son was sent home with a red note, I called the headteacher and she said she'd deal with it and apologised. I spoke to my sons 1:1 who said she'd told this dinnerlady several times his lunchbox was no one else's concern.
Since then I've had 3 more notes, each time the head apologised and assured me she'd sort it.
Yesterday another came home so I called the head and she basically told me to just ignore them. She said the dinnerlady obviously wasn't going to understand and my sons 1:1 would always make sure no comments were made to my son directly, and since it didn't go on his record and they'd still put him in the raffle and my son didn't see the notes, I should just ignore them.
I've asked for a meeting with the head this week and there's going to be the SENCO there.
I just feel like there's obviously a dinnerlady who is ignoring not only my sons EHCP and his 1:1 but also the headteacher! It's as if she's got something against my son. What do I need to do? If this continues who do I go to?

How horrible

I wonder what her circumstances are, whether they're getting rid of her

Sorry, op, it's stressful enough for our kids with school without dealing with this

It's a really strange situation because his school are really good with SEN kids! My son has always been treat with a lot of kindness and respect and they've accommodated him since he started a few years back. We even had an incident a couple of years ago with a parent making a comment in a WhatsApp group I wasn't in that my son gets special treatment and the headteachers were on top of it all instantly. I didn't even know about it until after they'd dealt with it.
So it's very concerning they're allowing this dinnerlady to ignore my sons EHCP, his 1:1 and the headteacher. Its very out of the ordinary for the school.

Sounds like something his TA could police.

I assume you mean his 1:1? She's with him at all times and the lunchboxes are put into big plastic tubs after lunch and returned to the rooms later, it's when they're put into the tubs that the dinnerladies put the notes into them so the 1:1 wouldn't see it happen. She has said she's told this dinnerlady his food is no ones business and hes exempt from the lunchbox policy but clearly if the dinnerlady is ignoring the head she's gonna ignore the others.

Is it possible to reduce the number of red items?

No. He has 7 food items that he likes, 5 of them are red items. He takes the 2 they'd deem healthy but they wouldn't be sufficient for him so he takes 3 red items. If he could eat healthier, he would be.

Does he have a diagnosis and is he seeing someone about his diet? If not then this is excellent evidence that he needs to, and if he is then I would be very blunt about reasonable adjustments and discrimination (in writing). School will have plenty of experience of restricted diets.

I would push the school to deal with the dinner lady. It isn’t acceptable to just say ignore it. If the school won’t deal with it, I would formally complain.

He does have a diagnosis that relates to food yes, everyone agrees that seeing him with food he's very obviously in need of freedom, he's had weight loss issues in the past because of certain foods being unavailable and him not eating anything else. We've gotten to a good point where the safe foods he does have have some with a good amount of calories.
Thank you, I will be blunt. After being at school today it seems like the SENCO is extremely upset about it all and definitely ready to take this on with me.

Thank you! I felt like I was in shock listening to the head just saying to ignore it like it didn't matter! Of course it matters. It's awful.

Just as an update for anyone who might be interested, I did have the meeting today and it went really well. I didn't have to do anything, the SENCO pretty much took the lead and said it was unacceptable and a direct breach of sons EHCP and cannot be tolerated. Headteacher assured us the matter would be dealt with and the dinnerlady in question would be retrained and receive appropriate actions and wouldn't be able to issue the red cards anymore and that would fall to another dinnerlady who will be reminded of the policies.
I'm pleased with it but the SENCO definitely spoke how I felt! She said it shouldn't have gotten to this and never should have had a first red note to begin with, let alone anymore after that this should have been a serious issue from the first time.
So all done!

Write a letter to the dinner lady and put it in the lunchbox in an envelope. Say you've spoken to the head several times about this and they have acknowledged she shouldn't be doing this and you are going to make a formal complaint. Maybe a leaflet about ASD and sensory issues around eating might educate her too. What an ignorant cowbag.