Incident at fair yesterday.

[NoBiggy]

Witnessed some ugly scenes at a funfair yesterday, and while I don't think anyone came out of it well, think the family of the boy behaved very badly.

Don't know the age of this boy, but he looked like Jordan's Harvey. DD (4) was on the bouncy castle and a woman (mum I assume) and the boy approached. While the man in charge was saying he couldn't go on as he was too big, the boy went and climbed on (with his shoes on). He seemed unaware of other children, but when dp told the mum that she needed to move him from where he was as he wasn't safe, and also there was a chance he could injure some of the others (he was on the edge), she just said "he's special needs" over and over. After a couple of minutes she led him away shouting about it being the same every year.

So then DD wants a go on a ride with little cars on a track. The boy and mum, with another woman are having the same argument with the woman operating this ride. The women were getting quite abusive by this point. The boy dropped his trousers and peed on the floor. Suddenly a couple of men arrived and joined in. It looked as if one of them slapped the ride operator's face, but in fact he'd thrown chips in it. Then the men left.

By now some help had arrived, but not, it appeared, anyone of a "management" type. There seemed to be no one who could resolve things.

We moved away before we got involved at all.

It was a small fair btw, not a travelling thing, there should have been some management there somewhere.

Thinking about it afterwards I couldn't put my sympathies one side or the other entirely (although obviously the ride operator didn't deserve any abuse from anyone).

I just wondered what how people deal with this sort of thing - not go? Go and not participate? Pre-warn them?

Comments please. Sorry it's so long. It's been on my mind.

Well, I can understand the frustration, but regardless, it's no way to behave. If someone is too big, they are too big. If it's a matter of safety, then the danger isn't going become sentient and think oh, I'm not going to be dangerous for this child, cos he's sn..danger is danger, rules are rules.

However, I think that there is generally more wiggle room in many things than people let on and they could be more flexible if they wanted to. Sometimes they are bloody minded for no actual reason and that makes you want to scream! because you know that they could bend the rules without compromising safety or anything. But then again - sometimes they can't and you just have to accept that. Knowing when to accept and when to fight - that's the problem.

But also, you do find yourself becoming a fighter! It's like you see battles everywhere - or maybe that's just me You have to really guard against becoming one of these bitter, world-has-it-in -for-me types, because that's not a good road to go down.

I've just realised I've gone off on one that's nothing to do with your post. Sorry. ok. They were 100% wrong to get aggressive but in their defence, they probably face frustration after frustration and it can make you crazy and prone to 'get in there' at the first sign of anything. (It's still no excuse for throwing stuff at someone )

sorry don't understand what you want comments on.
adults sound very badly behaved.

We don't go.

Had a nightmare the other week as ds2 and ds3 were going to a party. DS1(9) wanted to go but I knew there were bouncy castle, I knew he'd want on them and I knew if he saw them I physically wouldn't be able to keep him off them (he's only 9 but he's stronger than me). But we only have one car. So dh had to drop us off and pick us up. At the pick up he got out of the car and was trying to run up the road to the party- it took 2 of us to get him back in. Usually I would have let him look at the party then go, but I couldn't because of the bouncy castles.

We have the same problem with little trains etc. DS1 has no idea he's too big for them (he wees in his dolls house toilet ffs).

Sometimes you don't know these things are there. I dropped ds2 at a party once. DS1 went running (2 of us chasing after him) he was on the bouncy castle then ran all around the house before we managed to get him under control.

"moving him from where he was" may just have been incredibly difficult. There are times when it's easier to let ds1 do something that really he isn't allowed to and to extract him slowly, than to to put a sudden stop (which would lead to him charging all over the place). If ds1 as sitting on the edge on a banned bouncy castle for example I would wantr to get near him tell he had to countdown and that we had to go. i would then want to count down slowly from 10, and chances are he would leave. If I did a 'right off now" he'd be in the far corner screaming and the situation would be 100X worse.

It's hard without seeing, but I suspect with behaviour as you describe the only way they're not going to upset anyone is to stay at home all the time. And that's pretty miserable for all concerned, and the child then never even gets a chance to learn appropriate behaviour.

overall I think jumping on boucy castle with shoes on/weeing on floor/ wanting a car ride all perfectly understandable in a child who has severe difficulties (I would presume the child was severely autistic - ds1 can behave like that at fairs etc).

Parents don't sound as if they handled it very well, but it may be that they just don't know how to. They sound frustrated 'it's the same every year'. TBH I just wouldn't go.

Always a shame for ds2 and ds3 though so sometimes we try.

WE luckily have a small 'fair' round the corner and we go when its quiet (empty||) and owbners are understanding
failing that we dont go or just go to places dd can cope with

ds1 even managed to cause chaos on the bouncy castle at his school fair (would't get off/then was getting on/off randomly)

brilliant

Whilst I believe there was no onus on them to do so, allowing the boy on the bouncy castle for a short session on his own, would have been a kind gesture (and a more human response than the family got).

But equally, being aggressive about it won't make it very likely that you will get the most favourable result!

and sometimes you just do it for your 'other' kids as we have done
and then i go
'she has special needs'

so i can really understand it

and people give me FOUL looks (I want to punch them, let me at them)

It's the stress as well. I get so stressed trying to keep ds1 under a vague sort of control in public, and he is so strong now.

me too
i give up and dd is very pasisve at time
though tried to force her on atrampoline and she gouged my eyes out in my 'normal' place (I was a bit too over enthusiastic)

I would no longer take ds to a fair unaided!! It would end in tears -mine! I can barely control ds in noisy exciting places and he knows this. When he was small enough to catch or scoop up it was easier. His school are taking them to legoland soon - whoopy I haven't got to go!
Two adults at a quiet time (eg tea time when the little ones have gone home and the older ones are not out yet) works ok.

Yes, I think "they" could have let him on the bouncy castle on his own - it was late, there weren't many little ones about - but I'm sure the staff there did not have the power to allow that (they weren't at all rude or unpleasant btw).

Swift attendance by a manager and I'm sure it could have been sorted somehow, but that didn't happen as far as I could see, and once the rough stuff started happening the staff gathered to move them away.

The boy seemed oblivious to the whole thing - he was being led away from the rides without a fuss, and even when the commotion was going on around him didn't seem perturbed. I suppose that's a good thing.