Got Autistic Diagnostic Interview tomorrow for DS - is it possible to f*** it up?

[Buckets]

Just really nervous, seems such a black and white concept with the scoring etc. Also feel guilty for feeling like I'm auditioning to get him on to the autistic spectrum.
We get the diagnosis (or not) on Thursday, just don't know what the right way to feel is. Don't want to be sad if he is but know I won't be able to help crying. If he's not, what if I feel disappointed? Does it make a nutter for going through all this if he's not? Fairly sure he is so would be useful to have it labelled. But "Oh yeah we had you tested for autism when you were younger, hohoho" - does it become the family joke? Does anyone get to this stage of assessment and come out not on the spectrum?

ds3 has been diagnosed twice and had it pulled twice- we know he is, Paed seems rather lacking in confidence though (salt have said he is)

whatever feelings you have arenormal. there's nothing wrong with feeling disappointed, wanting answers is perfectly ok. as for crying youre talking to a pro LOL!

good luck, you'll be Ok and whatever happens allow yourself to feel as you do, denial of emotions is a bad thing.

I am always nervous and still find every meeting on my son's autism/education etc a trial - as a mum, you naturally want your kid to "do well" in tests, yet this ADI is a very different kind of test! There's just no right way to feel, just be there to reassure him as mum. Good luck!

Thanks. That should say 'does it make me a nutter', we already know he's bonkers LOL .

In answer to your question - DS wasn't investigated as thoroughly as this - but conclusion of joint clinic appointment last month was that DS probably wasn't on the autistic spectrum but "just" has language problems, which are causing the social issues.I actually feel a bit rug pulled under feet at not getting the diagnosis TBH - as at least the dx might have made getting further help a little easier.

I can't recall off hand how old your DS is - have a feeling he is a little older than my 4 year old, but sometimes the answer isn't a clear yes or not, but a wait and see how your child develops.

It is normal to want to defend your child and the ADI, necessarily, focusses on all your dc's negative characteristics. However, in this situation you have to be honest and tell them all the gory details, otherwise the test will be meaningless.

During my ds's ADI, I found myself wanting to say, 'yes, but my ds is very good at xyz and he's so cuddly', etc, as a way of balancing out all the negative comments that I was making about him behind his back!!!

If you do get an ASD dx, then it will take time for you to fully absorb all its implications, even if you have been expecting it for years. But it is always better to know for sure one way or the other.

P.S. just after my ds had had his ADI/ADOS, a friend's ds went through the same process but he did not get an ASD dx. I think they were told that their ds has some kind of speech disorder because he didn't fully meet all the ASD criteria. He is now in mainstream school with 1-1 support every day. So, it is possible to emerge from the ADI/ADOS process without an ASD dx.

DS is only 3 so we are still in the realms of 'might grow out of it all.' I'm not worried longterm if he is ASD because we are here so early we'll be able to help 'programme' him to cope with normal life - there are some great role models out there who didn't find out until they were adult so he will have such a big head start.
I'm just finally getting my head around the negative side of labelling - the big concept of my child having 'A Disorder.' Thought I had already grieved about this when I first started chasing for assessment last year but I'm realising there'll be more grieving this week if he gets the DX . Better buy some tissues.

We had ds's initial assessment today, a 3 hr structured interview with dh and I.
I feel shattered, like you I feel guilty about wanting him to have a dx and unsure how I'll cope if he isn't.

You can never tell what's ahead. For a start, I do wish the professionals wouldn't call it a "disorder". It's a different brain wiring pattern, not a tangle of wires in the brain that are all in a knot. I prefer to think of it as a "neurodiversity" - a different way of thinking and being. It's helped me to think that way, anyway.
I was a pretty typical autistic child. I'm now a happily married mum with a business of my own. I'm not saying that's the outcome for everyone, but what I am saying is Don't Despair. Even with a diagnosis, it doesn't mean the worst. In a lot of cases we just learn social things really slowly compared to other people, and need a lot more information about what's expected of us. We're also sometimes a heck of a lot better at some things than most people.
I know it's not the same, having a child who's different. Our own son was diagnosed disabled (dyslexia) when he was younger and I remember the absolute shock and the tears. We struggled with his behaviour and his not being able to write...But he's a fantastic young man and achieving really well now, because we fought to get him the help he needed, and really believed in him and what he had to offer the world, no matter whether his 'offering' was different or not.

Shall be thinking of you all.

DS got diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome today, which was not really a surprise (although after the interview yesterday DH & I were thinking we'd made him sound pretty normal!) I was a lot less upset than I expected, cried a little bit when we were on our own. Think it's just the finality of diagnosis, being a watershed in our lives that is upsetting. But I've done so much research over the last year (mostly on MN and talking to other mums online LOL) and kind of did my grieving for the DS that never actually existed last year, so I don't think I could have been any more prepared than I was. DH says he's happy for me to do all the thinking etc and tell him what to feel as I'm better informed! How lazy is that LOL?
Longterm I'm fine about it, he will be fine, better than most adults with AS in fact as most of them are still undiagnosed, let alone having help from the age of 3 like DS will. And I am now even more convinced that my Dad has AS so we have a wonderful role model in him - I'm sure he would reckon he and DS are the next phase of human evolution LOL. I think that's the way to play it really, X-men style.
Thanks for all your advice and, well, listening.

Hope you're getting the support you need.
Good Luck!

It may take some time for the dx to 'hit home', I was as cool as a cucumber when the docs gave us ds's dx but the next day I was in pieces. My dh was much more 'stable' emotionally so you may find that you and your dh react in different ways and at different times too. Good luck with getting all the right support in place before your ds starts school.

DT1 was seen at the autism clinic 2 weeks ago, he is 4 yrs old and we 1st went to our HV when he was 18 months due to behaviour, vileonce etc.

It's always been an age thing with DT1 wait till he's 2, wait till he's 3 so on.

Autism doc said that if he was a few yrs older she would have dx that dau with aspergers but as he's 4 she won't- WTF is that about. I mean if they know then why not do the dx then he can get the help he needs FFS.

Needless to say we have asked for a 2nd opinion and are awaiting the reply from the doctor

Jambuttie, from chatting on MN I've gathered that the response you get varies from health trust to health trust, LEA to LEA, paediatrician to paediatrician . We're very lucky in Southampton, the assessment place is a centre of excellence apparently so they are confident to assess and diagnose even younger than DS (he's 3). They've also observed him weekly and the interview scores in my OP were combined with those obs.
Are yours even willing to officially say your DS is on the spectrum?

Yeah they say when he's a few yr older hence why we have asked for a 2nd opinion they just dont realise these so called specialists just how hard it is at time do they?

Message withdrawn

yes it all seems very different. My dd is 4.7 and we have just had second session with paed who went through questionnaires we and the preschool fille din (including Connors) turns out she's positive for Autism (although no telling where she is on the spectrum - highly likely Aspergers or high functioning as very intelligent and can read like a 10 yr old), positive for Oppositional Defiant Disorder and positive for ADHD (this was a shock). Now we're having specialist nurse comeout to take history and waiting for SALt. We've waited for over a year for this and cant get any further really until we have this! Fortunately as we've been fairly open about it everyone involved is talking Aspergers/HFA so we kinda think this is what its going to be and she does have a teaching assistant lined up for September when she goes to school which is just brilliant even though there is no formal diagnosis yet.

hope you are felling ok

my ds was diagnosed yesterday with HFA and still feel slightly shell shocked but so much more positive now

he is 3 but with very poor speech although improving on daily basis with alot of my help but now we have help from others thanks to diagnosis

i too felt the same what if its not how do i help him where do we go next but cried when i was told but woke up tjis morning with a weight off my shoulders as last yr has been such waiting game wait 6 months then another 6 months no sopeech therapy no nothing i was dreading no help for anoyther yr

so i hope you are feeling ok i know how it feels also still fresh for me feel ok but deep inside i do feel so sad but over all have much more of a positive outlook after all his still my gorgeous boy

I'm sorry that you are having to go through all these assessments with your son. I don't think that an assessment for autism is pass or fail. It is about working out what sort of help a child needs.

My son had assessments for autism by a SLT and paediatrian. He also had a hearing test. Our paediatrian was able to rule out autism because my son had good play skills. However my son failed his hearing test.

My son is now doing well with his hearing aids.