Sometimes I hate my child

[Pops5]

He’s only 3. On the pathway but not yet accepted onto the waiting list for ASD assessment. To be honest I don’t think he’ll be accepted onto the waiting list as he doesn’t show many typical autistic traits. Good eye contact, very sociable, loves other children, all developmentally on track, no stimming or repetitive movements.

However I refuse to believe he is neurotypical. It shouldn’t be as hard as it is. He is extremely strong willed, defiant and controlling. He is also violent at times. He will elope and has no sense of danger. He fights us going to bed and he wakes up in the night screaming and being cross with us. He’ll wake in the morning at 5am and shout until we get him up and then he’ll have a tantrum if it isn’t the parent he wants. He wants full autonomy at all times and when he doesn’t have it he kicks off.

Every day this week I’ve cried. I don’t know what to do.

Sounds like it could be PDA x

Yes he has a lot of PDA traits.

Have you tried some PDA techniques? Some people find Yvonne Newbold’s resources helpful. Others find the books The Explosive Child and the Out of Sync Child helpful - some of what’s discussed will not be suitable given DS’s age but some will be.

It is worth seeing if Home Start can support you.

Does DS go to nursery?

Yes we follow a lot of PDA fb pages and also insta, we try to follow a lot of the techniques we have learned from there. I think it is just tough to be super patient when you are frazzled.

He attends a childminder, who agrees there is neurodivergence but she probably sees 10% of the behaviour. He also attends nursery who say he is absolutely fine - except he completely refuses all food there, won’t eat a thing all day.

How can homestart help, do you know?

I would request a meeting with the nursery. They should be providing support. If they need further advice, have they asked the Area SENCO for input?

Home Start can support you with supporting DS. They can also provide an extra air of hands (and eyes!).

I was going to say PDA as soon as I started to read this. I'm pretty sure that my 5 year old dd has PDA autism.

PDAers often don't appear to be autistic in some ways because they talk a lot. My daughter does this and I think it's her way of trying to feel in control.

Try to remember that the behaviours come from a place of anxiety. Your son needs you to be his anchor. My dd still sleeps in my bed every night.

Can I recommend 'At Peace Parents' - a lady called Casey on YouTube. She runs courses for parents but also shares her advice on YouTube.