Does your as child have a habit of destruction or is it just mine?

[Yummymum1]

I ask because i am reaching my limit with looking out the window and seeing ds1 smashing yet another toy or seemingly mindlessly throwing lumps of stone around.They had a lovly playarea which most children would love with a sandpit,wendy house and buckets etc.They now have no toys left as they have all been smashed,the sandpit is full of gunk,rocks and water and the wendy house is systematically being destroyed and used as an outside loo by him and ds2!!!!!I have had enough and refuse to buy any replacements,and wondered if i was alone in this.

My DS used to throw things ALL THE TIME when he was 2/3. The worst was when he finished half his dinner and then just threw the plate across the room. I can remember cleaning spag bol off soft toys in despair. I stopped it in a way which is not easy in the short term but which saved my sanity in the long term. Basically, I had a zero tolerance policy on any throwing, and on aggression I would wash his hair (he hates it) as a punishment. It meant following him around for a few days/weeks grabbing his hand firmly whenever he was about to throw and saying "no throw". My ABA tutors also helped, and I became manic about it and insisted all the family did same thing. It was hell for a while, but he does not throw stuff any more. My theory is that you have to make the consequence of the throwing more irritating to him than the pleasure he gets out of doing it. So, eventually, he may realise that every time he throws, mummy puts her nose in his business, grabs his hand and says loudly "no throw". This is irritiating, so eventually hopefully it outweighs the pleasure of throwing or destroying. I'm no expert and it may not work for everyone but I just wanted to say I do know how you feel and I can remember the feelings - I also remember we had to buy a new DVD player practically every week at one stage!

Thank you.He is now 7 and when asked why does he have to break things he says it is bcause he wants to see what is inside.I'm not sure this is always true,i think he just enjoys throwing things.I think you are right,i must be stronger about the punisments.It is hard though when you feel so weary with it all and also the feeling of anxiety about it too,you know,the why does he do it and will it ever get any better or will he just be a thug??

mine used to be whirlwind of mass destruction!!!

they are now 5 and 7, and are lots better than they used to be.....mainly as I let them play out the front on their bikes more so their pent up energy is more focused now.

seems to be the more frustrated they get, the more likely they are to break things.......are you able to take them out for a 'run' at all to release energy???

Yes we do take them out and we all have a great time and then as soon as we get home he just gets straight into whatever he was doing before.I think it wouldnt be so bad but we live in a divided house with mum and dad next door and a huge lot of land and garden which they mostly look after so obviously when things get broken my mum is on at the boys and then telling me that me and my brother were never like that so that makes me worry more.After all they are both boys and one has as so it is prob to be expected but there are times that it drives you to despair.We are going to a seminar on weds on Practical strategies for coping with challenging behaviour and i'll be right there with my pen and paper!!!

So presumably you and your brother weren't autistic, so that's why things were different for your mum? Does she not understand that, or does she choose not to understand it. I think it's amazing the way people who are close to you can turn their face away rather than help when you are so obviously in need! I second what Psychomum says, and the trampoline in our garden which DS has been bouncing on now since midday is a godsend. If your DS can talk so well now though yummy, you don't need to do hairwash or anything you can just tell him what the punishments will be and then stick rigidly to your word - could it be something like, if you throw or break anything today you will not be allowed in the garden at all today, or not out on your bike, or whatever it is? Sounds like people are undermining rather than helping you - it makes me so mad on your behalf! When my mum says unhelpful things like this, I feel like saying "ok, you take DS for a 12 hour period and see if you fare better since you were obviously such a great parent. I'm sure you'll take autism totally in your stride, see you tomorrow!!"

Thank you everyone for your support.Having thought about it and read what you have said it is clear that i am being a bit cowardly in dealing with punishments.Lets face it it is pretty horrible dealing with a screaming violent angry 7yr old but it only takes a few days of zero tolerance to get the msg accross.I will start tomorrow.Wish me luck and good luck to all out there facing the same problems!!!!!!

One of DS1's nicknames is destructoboy. I tend to take anything off him as soon as i see him start to destroy it, though, since even if something becomes accidentally slightly damaged, he has a strong compulsion to complete the job. If he has damaged something deliberately, I take the attitude that he doesn't need or deserve the item at that time.

Occasionally, it's too late. In that case, I look at the item with him to see if and how it can be mended (for example, tape down the spine of a book) and if it's not possible, I make sure he sees me putting it into the bin or recycling box.

Good luck Yummy - and by the way, it's not just SEN kids who have this problem. I've just come back from a party where all the kids (except my DS) were normally functioning. Yet there was one boy there who I saw hitting, bargeing pushing and straight out punching other kids. The mum followed in his trail with an ineffectual little cry of "no, xxx, do'nt do that". When the boy punched another kid (hard) right in front of me I shouted loudly at him, "oi, don't you dare hit that child". It stopped him in his tracks, but I could see the mum wasn't best pleased that I was disciplining her child and I ended up saying sorry for shouting at her kid - but WTF, it makes me mad that these mums whose kids - unlike my autistic DS - have the gift of language, and comprehension and social skills let them get away with this stuff because they are told by all the stupid media and parenting books that it's wrong to shout at your kid. She's the adult, he's the kid, he needs to be taught not to hit and a naughty step and a little gentle remonstrating won't do it - I would never hit a child but my god I would get angry and shout if I saw them punch a smaller child! Anyway, you go for it and good luck!