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SN children

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Original poster

You know me, I do "guilting" really well. So today I feel incredibly guilty about still letting ds have his dummy. While on the other hand...

25 replies

emkana · 30/04/2008 20:32

... I am thinking "sod it, he hasn't always had it easy and the dummy is so important to him emotionally, why should I stop him"

But his speech is quite delayed and I feel that it is partly/to some extent/all (delete according to mood) my fault becasue of the blooming dummy!

What doesn't help is that I have a friend who is a SALT and when she sees ds with the dummy the disapproval, though not always spoken about, nearly floors me.

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Original poster

emkana · 30/04/2008 20:42

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ladytophamhatt · 30/04/2008 20:48

Em, ds1 and 2 both had a dummy until about 2.5 yrs...they gave them up quite easily.

ds3 never had a dummy and his speech is teh only one I've ever been concerned about....I'm not actually concerned because I know they are only minor problems and it will all even out eventually but he definatly has some language probs.

Your Ds is still so young, he's not even 2 yet....stop worrying about the dummy.

daisy5678 · 30/04/2008 21:02

J had a dummy until he was 3. I couldn't get him off it at night until then, though he didn't ever really have it in the day, and felt that his sleep/ calmness was more important than the possible speech issues. He does have a lisp and speaks very quickly, but no major speech issues. And I didn't think it was affecting his speech, so it was easy for me to feel OK about it.

I think that, if you think it's affecting his speech, you should probably start trying to wean him off it to prevent the emotional impact of later speech problems, but do it for you and him, not to stave off disapproval.

J got a special teddy to hug at night instead of his 'dodo', as he called it, and it seemed to be fine in the end. He felt very grown up and I made a big thing of him being like a big boy now.

TheodoresMummy · 30/04/2008 21:05

DS is 4.5 and still has a dummy to go to sleep with.

I have no intention of stopping him, TBH.

His speech is now fine (was a bit delayed), but don't think it had anything to do with dummy as he has never had it all day long or anything (although he would if he could ).

Original poster

emkana · 30/04/2008 22:42

It wouldn't worry me if he had it only for sleeping, but he often has it during the day as well. I try and cut down on dummy use during the day, but ds gets very upset.

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magso · 30/04/2008 22:43

Ds had a dummy at night till we 'lost it'. He has sucked his finger to go to sleep ever since! The best made plans eh! At least the finger falls out after a few minutes and is easy to find if monsters appear!

TotalChaos · 30/04/2008 22:46

my gut reaction to your post is - he's so very very young for you to be worrying about dummy use. and DS never had a dummy, and he has a major speech delay! but then if you are going to beat yourself up with guilt, maybe it's better to start weaning him off it.

magso · 30/04/2008 22:46

Meant to add Ds has language delay/ disorder but looking back I dont think the dummy was the cause.

TotalChaos · 30/04/2008 22:46

I suppose I think that dummy use at this age is much more common than speech delay, that I'm a bit sceptical as to how far a dummy can affect things.

moondog · 30/04/2008 22:49

Let it go.
And tell your salt friend that recent research suggests that dummies do not impede lang. developmeny,contrary to what has been believed for years.

His lang. delay has nothing to do with this.If it makes him feel secure and happy,leave it be.

Heavens,I'm 4o and still suck my thumb!

Original poster

emkana · 30/04/2008 22:50

My wish would be to let ds overcome his need for the dummy in his own time, similar to self-weaning of the breast, which his sisters did, with encouragment, but without strict enforcement, from me. When he is doing something he really enjoys I can say to him "give me the dummy" and he'll give me the dummy and forget about it for a while, and ideally I would like to build on that more and more.

If only there wasn't this SALT friend...

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Original poster

emkana · 30/04/2008 22:51

x-post md.

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Original poster

emkana · 30/04/2008 22:52

SALT friend hasn't been practising for quite a while, would be lovely to be able to quote some relevant research to her...

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MrsJohnCusack · 30/04/2008 23:01

yes what moondog said (except she actually knows what she's talking about - I'd just read that research)

and my sister still occasionally sucks her thumb now and she was an early talker (and hasn't shut up since)

Original poster

emkana · 30/04/2008 23:02

MrsJC, where did you get the research from?

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TotalChaos · 30/04/2008 23:05

someone should really tell some of our local surestart centres about that research MD, at least one of them makes a huge song and dance about getting rid of the dummy to avoid speech problems . far easier to blame the parents than to have adequate services or let parents self-refer without gatekeeping.

moondog · 30/04/2008 23:08

Been googling.
Found this but it is a bit vague

TC,I am on my local DSure Start board and they go overboard on this too. I don't bring it up though as they are all completely fabuolous in every other way.

MrsJohnCusack · 30/04/2008 23:11

do you know, I'm not sure? I'll have a think. but I remember reading it somewhere and telling my mother (mine wouldn't have dummies but she was wibbling on about how children with dummies would never talk and I felt like a scrap)

it'll probably turn out I read it on here, won't it...

TotalChaos · 30/04/2008 23:11

so possibly I might be getting it a teensy weensy bit out of proportion then Moondog . I also think very highly of Surestart. Some of the centres near me do offer amazing stuff - free relaxation treatments with creche, home maintenance course with creche, gardening classes, cooking classes.....I feel far more confident taking DS to Surestart groups and classes to private sector classes in terms of inclusion and awareness of SN.

moondog · 30/04/2008 23:13

Well, I'm sure I spout crap quite a lot too. None of us immune.

Yes, staff are wonderful and knowledge of SAL issues second to none.

Original poster

emkana · 30/04/2008 23:23

Well my googling just brings up lots of things that support my SALT friend's pov...

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moondog · 30/04/2008 23:27

Oh ignore that.

(I konw there is a recent definitive study. The anti dummy stuff is only opinion, not research backed.)

Original poster

emkana · 30/04/2008 23:31

Okay if you ever come across it and could let me know the details, that would be great!

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cyberseraphim · 01/05/2008 06:41

I see/hear children shouting perfect sentences through their dummies every day. People need to get this into proportion. Also when I visited Vienna 2 years ago, it semed like every child up to about 5 had a dummy and I didn't notice lack of speech in the adult population.

Original poster

emkana · 02/05/2008 20:54

Quick update: Have tried to restrict dummy use to sleep times and times when I know he's anxious (eg therapeutic swimming today) and he has coped really without it. Hasn't suddenly started to speak fluently but has been babbling more, which I guess is a good thing.

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