Rant: I'm not your effing mother, stop calling me 'mum'!

[Arabica]

Just a little rant about the patronising cow of an admissions nurse who dealt with DD at the otherwise excellent Gt Ormond St last Weds.
Upon arrival we were taken for a quick pre-admissions check by a youngish staff nurse. That meant taking DD's temperature, BP, oxygen saturation levels, and asking a few simple questions, like 'do you know which operation your daughter is scheduled for today?'. All very routine, and yes, probably she does it 10 times a day. BUT. This does not mean it's OK to call me 'mum' and then, when I objected, to say 'I see so many mothers and children I can't be expected to remember all their names'!
I thought, but was too unassertive to say, 'I don't care how many ear operations you effing well process every day, it's the only GA my DD has had and I am bloody nervous and need to feel you are seeing her as an individual and not just no. 3 on the list, or whatever.
It wasn't as if we were just seeing her for 10 mins, either. We were on her ward for 4 hours as DD ended up last on the operations list. For most of the last 2 hours Mr Coffee and I were the only adults on the ward apart from the nurses. And still it was, 'Now it's time to go to theatre MUM'
WHY do nurses do this? It's so annoying. She didn't even check I was DD's mother. I could have been her grandmother, goodness knows I look old enough! Grrrrrrrrrrr. I'm taking a stick-on name label next time.

I'm with you, it's extremely annoying. How did the op and the GA go, or will you update on the toehr thread?

So fucking rude isn't it?
Perhaps answer with 'I'll be with yuo right now maid'

(Last time I took my dd to hospital for summat or other,the nurse ushering people in was a foul old boot and as i left the consulting room,I stood in front of her,smiled sweetly and said 'My,you're quite a charmer aren't you?'

I heard her huffing and puffing in protest as i swept regally down the corridor.

Just saw the update. Glad it went okay.

moondog! It came as a bit of a shock because you kind of expect more from Gt Ormond Street nurses as it's so hard to get a job there.

Can sympathise.

Am on both sides of the fence as it were.

dds consultant often says "is that ok,mum?".He is a lovely man though

I do try to use patients' given names,and ask re relationship to patient of relatives,after a particularly embarrassing faux pas made in my early days of mistaking someones wife for their daughter

I do think nurses can sometimes come out with silly euphemisms

"We'll just pop you on the bed and take a look" (I always think of the hungry caterpillar popping out of the egg when I hear colleagues say this)

Oh and "Just a sharp scratch" when taking bloods.LMAO at a patient who retaliated with "No its not,its an f*ing great needle,luv" in a broad Yorkshire accent

I hate too. But I hate even more the letters that most hospitals send, addressed to the "parent / carer of X X".

But at least GOS do actually address them to me! (not sure how DH feels about that though).

They do take down so many details, it can't be too hard to add in a slot for the parent / carer name, and who cares if they sometimes get it wrong?

Not nice, but as i am horrifically bad at remembering names I do have some sympathy on both sides.

Interesting that calling someone 'Nurse' or 'Doctor' is socially OK, but 'Mum' or 'teacher isn't

I loathe this as well, but I'm trying to get comfortable with it as I can see the problems. My toes curl though and it really sets me on edge.

I wonder if 'nurse' or 'doctor' arose from the military style of managment in hospitals; the only person who ever normally calls you 'mum' is your own child though. Actaully that's probably part of the problem for me - DS calls me 'Mummy' so I'd feel more comfortable if they addressed me as 'Mummy'. The only people who ever call me 'Mum' are professionals. I think it's a linguistic problem; if we spoke French they could just call you 'Madame' and the problem's solved.

I friend who's a SW, and a decade older than me, started calling me 'Mum' from the day DS was born. He meant it really nicely, but I had to ask him to stop.

I think that sometimes they don't know what else to call you.
Mrs so and so may not be the case these days.
It is just shorthand in a busy place, but is annoying too, I agree

I don't really mind to be honest. Ds wouldn't know me by any other name so at least this way he knows the doctor/nurse is talking to me. Perhaps I have sympathy because I'm terrible at remembering names myself .

I hate the "sad face" that some professionals use when giving you what they consider bads news (but is usually old news to me) about DS2, DS2's SALT and the HV are particularly bad for this, it makes me cringe. I don't even do the 'sad face' when toddlers fall over and hurt themselves, I prefer the straight up, matter of fact approach, don't cloud communication with emotion (Maybe I'm a bit AS myself).

|Actually Pixel I think you are right there. I'm sure I've read about research that shows that in these settings children are much more comfortable when the parent with them is called 'Mum'ir 'Dad' rather than Mrs X (or Ms, Miss mr etc...!)
I don't seem to get called anything by the doctors and we see all the therapists so often that they all know my name. I'm sure it will happen sooner or later though and I'm not looking forward to it!

DD is only 20 months old and even if she could understand/hear what someone is calling me she would be well aware that the only person who calls me mum is DS!
I think it would take no time at all for the relevant health professional to ask my name--except in an emergency situation, of course. After all, it was on the notes of the day's operating list she was looking at every time she had to talk to me! And the whole point was supposed to be to make us feel a bit more relaxed and not like we were on a conveyor belt, another case off to surgery, one down, three to go, kind of thing.
We know most of our regular therapists & they all call me Arabica.
I'd be incensed with fury if anyone referred to DD as 'the GDD or the Grommets'--you must have felt like decking them, riven!

I think that (from my brief experience as a neonatal nurse before returning to adults) it is an attempt to acknowledge your role. It is their way of saying "you have the power" in a situation where parents can feel like they need permission to do anything with their child.

FWIW I hated it, too! So I didn't do it. But I didn't last long...

The only people who have called me Mum are the ones who set out to patronise me: the Education Welfare Officer and her ilk. I felt it was definitely about power. I mean, if you're spending an hour assessing somebody, how hard is it to peek at their files and check the name? I'd rather not be called anything; 'Mum' to me is powerspeak.

Name badges would actually not be a bad idea! I have an awful memory, but I never use Mum to the parent - I use 'you' if I can't recall the name! I do use Mummy or Dad when conversing with child and referring to their parent. Would you be offended not to have your name used?
My child calls me by first name although I,ve tried to get 'mummy' - so hospital visits are the only time I get called Mum!

I think it's all about the nurse's power, not the mother's power. Remember we're not talking about a high turnover situation or an emergency, I'm posting about about a situation where the nurse (whose first name I can still remember) was going to be with us for at least an hour and ended up seeing us for four hours.

Agree in that situation finding out your name(simply asking what you would prefer to be called is she did not know) would have been polite and friendly! If she has a real problem with names then admitting that would have been friendlier than saying what she did! Hope your dd is recovered and it will be last GA!

Yes, thanks, she seems totally unaffected by the GA--and her grommets operation seems to have been a success because she is reacting to sounds which never seemed to affect her before.

the nurse got all the details on my son right. she even checked the pronunciation of his name. as long as he was happy, she can call me what she wants.