Really need advice

[coco111]

My son has just turnt 5. From the age of 2 he has been stimming. At first I kind of turnt a blind eye to it until one day his nursery called me in and said they noticed it. Until he was 4 I kind of thought it was a phase until he started school nursery and they called me in and mentioned it. He was then referred for an assessment. They said they weren't concerned and discharged him. Since then it has got progressively worse. He is constantly stimming. Today for instance I would say he was stimming the whole day. He will make this buzzing noise and clap his hands whilst pacing up and down. I've spoken to him about it and all he said is he likes to do it . It's like he goes in a trance and just can't stop. He is now in reception at school and the SEN teacher there has requested for another assessment but told me it could take years. I don't know what do I'm massively struggling with it. His speech is amazing and he is very intelligent but the stimming has just became out of control. He also has terrible melt downs like terrible where he can become quite violent. I have 2 other children. My partner works full time and doesn't seem to understand how hard I'm finding it at the moment. I just don't know how to help him and deal with it.

Why does it matter if everything else is fine? I mean I guess it. Old be annoying if it’s intrusive but it’s just a noise.

Because it's not just a noise. It's flapping, pacing up and down, it's clapping and mine I said it's constant some days so obviously would like to get some answers.

Hi OP I totally understand how overwhelming it can feel when stimming becomes intense. My son hums a lot, and I know how it can be hard to handle sometimes. For me, leaning into his sensory needs has really helped. Giving him things like a trampoline has been a game-changer—he absolutely loves it and it helps him get his energy out in a way that works for him.

I’ve also noticed that stimming can change over time. When my son was 2, he would hum, shake his head and flap his hands, but now he’s 5 it’s more of a gallop and hum. So, the ways they express themselves might shift as they grow, even if the need to stim is always there. I try to look for patterns in what might lead up to those intense moments—sometimes certain situations or feelings make it stronger.

Does it stop him doing what he needs to do?
ultimately stimming is just self soothing, which we all do, so if you want to reduce it really you need to focus up stream and think about why he needs to soothe himself so much. Does he have other challenges/support needs? Logically you could reduce stress or modify his reaction to it (ie find something that gives him more comfort). I suppose if he is happy and it works for him you could also think about how to reduce its impact on you if it is causing you stress.