So angry at myself

[L0ola]

Hi everyone,

I’m not sure what I’m expecting in response to my post, I just guess I need to have a good moan and a little reassurance.

I have a 4-year-old son who has been on the waiting list for an ASD assessment since he was 2. He is pre-verbal and requires a fairly high level of daily support both at home and school, he already has an EHCP in place.

Yesterday, we had an appointment with the paediatrician. Given the number of professionals involved with our son, I assumed it was for the specialist feeding clinic, as we’ve been waiting for that for some time. However, it turned out to be the initial appointment for the ASD assessment. The letter didn’t state any information about the appointment. It just said who we were seeing at and what time. I was alone with my son during the meeting, which made it difficult to focus on the conversation, as I had to keep attending to him. Now, I feel like I missed a lot of important information out that I should’ve mentioned. If I had known this was for the assessment, my husband would have come to help entertain our son. I can't shake the feeling that I let him down. The doctor mentioned arranging a school observation, so I hope that will cover any details I overlooked. I’m really upset with myself; I wish the letter had clearly stated the purpose of the appointment.

Just to be clear- I’m not all about labelling my son. This is about getting him the support later on. I very much doubt mainstream school will be appropriate for him throughout his education. He is in reception at the moment and I have found a school I think would be perfect for him but admissions do not start until year 3 but an ASD diagnosis is required.

thanks for reading if you got this far!

Sorry you feel you have let your son down.

I'm sure that this is not the case and as multiple professionals have seen your son and he's already got an EHCP there should be plenty of evidence of his need without you having to supply extra details.

If there are documents you would like the doctors to see, or really important details that you forgot or didn't get chance to ask/answer you can always try and phone the clinic and ask the secretary? There may be an email or address to post in reports to be seen by the medical team.

Early support can make a big difference to health and education outcomes so no one should think it's about a label.

You've not let your son down at all. You sound like you've done amazing work at getting support in place.

The doctor will have been observing your son the whole appointment. They will see where his development is. While you may have forgotten one or two details, they will see the big picture: I highly doubt from what you've said that forgotten to mention one or two traits is going to be the difference between a diagnosis or not in his case. And as the PP said, you can forward any information you forgot to mention to the doctor afterwards.

I second calling (or emailing if you have an email) the secretary in anything you feel you need to say but didn’t.