Helping autistic DS to learn to play

[Montydone]

Hi, my DS is 6 and he is autistic. He is interested in other children and wants to be close to them and to play, but then doesn’t seem to know how to play. I really want to help him with this but I’m not sure how. Has anyone else experiences this with their child and any ideas? Thanks for your help in advance

There are things like Lego therapy that try to teach children to work collaboratively towards an aim - so they each have a role in building a Lego model together. They can be a good foundation for collaborative play. If he has an EHCP it can be included in that.

Are there kinds of play that he likes that you could build on? Like taking turns with a jigsaw puzzle or a scenario around a particular interest?

As well as therapies such as Lego therapy, SALT, OT, play therapy, you could ask the school if they run any other interventions. Lots have nurture groups &/or lunch groups that work on social skills (which can include play).

Some DC find 1:1 &/or organised activities easier to cope with. You could start by building up interaction with a playdate with one other child to do a specific activity the children can do in parallel.

Thanks for your responses @BusMumsHoliday and @EndlessLight. That’s a good idea about asking the school if they have a nurture or a social skills group. He’s actually quite good at working with us or his sister to play a game and build a train set (when not too tired!), but I’ve noticed that he struggles to slot into pretend play in playgrounds for instance. I know pretend play can be tricky for them and come a lot later and I try to pretend with him, but he’s such a logical little chap it can be quite tricky. Any tips? Also a really good idea to arrange a play date and have particular ‘projects’ that they could do together. I’ll also see if I can set more stuff up that he can do together with his sister. Much appreciated! : )

Is there anything he's interested in that he can do pretend play with? E.g
Trains and he can stop at different stations and do things? My son's friend is into this " what did you do at school today?" "Oh we went to legoland on the train".

My other son is asd. Yep, agree. Lego therapy, forest school, maybe being buddied by an older child (and buddyung younger child as he gets older). As he gets older imaginative play seems less important. Find out what other children are interested in (maybe asking for birthday present ideas) and try to see if your son can learn about it. He can then interact with the play, even of he plays alongside? If he's at all sporty, go with that. My asd child doesn't get team games or football but enjoys being or having a personal trainer to run fast.

Also... neurodiverse children often play nicely together. If there's a child similar personality to yours (even if a different gender), maybe invite them and parent round or meet at a park?

Thanks that’s really helpful. Yes DS doesn’t get football at all! But he loves running fast, so reminding me to practise races and things. I’ve also signed him up for a gymnastics class which (although not his area of strength) he seemed to enjoy and I hope might help him to get more of a sense of his personal space and that of other kids!

yes hoping his logical mind will come into its own in the future : )

Now adult DD2 ‘managed’ pretend play by basing the ‘scenarios’ on real-life experiences or books she had read. She struggled with imagination but it wasn’t noticeable to e.g. nursery staff until it was pointed out. Could that be a way to expand DS’s play?

This is a good idea. Actually I’ve always struggled with pretending so this really helps me to help him 😂 he does come home from school and pretend he’s the teacher and we’re doing the learning (but it’s not quite dragons and fairies!)
If you don’t mind me asking, how is your DD2 doing now as an adult?

I am also autistic and when DC were small I preferred playing shops, schools, trains, doctors etc. than e.g. Star Wars.

DD2 is doing amazingly well. She is in the middle of a PhD at the moment. There are still times she needs help, but on the whole she manages really well.

I also have 3 teen DSs. 1 with an ASD diagnosis, 1 with an ADHD diagnosis and awaiting an ASD assessment, and another with other complex needs. DD2 is the one I worry about coping with adult life the least. That’s not to say I don’t worry about her, I do, but one DS will never be independent and I don’t know about another.

More than one friend has recommended the Melissa and Doug ice cream shop toy to encourage back and forth pretend play.

My DS has quite strong pretend play for an autistic child: he'll make up quite complex and extended scenarios with his Playmobiles and Legos. But this is almost always alone and he struggles with input from others. With other children, his pretending does tend to be quite transactional and real-world based: buying tickets, playing school, running a cafe, transport journeys etc. Do you think your DS might find it easier if the scenario has an aim and a defined end? Lots of children find the open endedness of pretending hard work.

I don’t have a diagnosis, but I do clearly remember struggling to know what to do in pretend play when I was little, eg. I’d line up my toys for the register, read out the register and then just not know what to do next! Which probably makes it a bit harder for me to make pretend seem fun for DS. Doctors, shops and schools is a good idea!
Wow doing a PHD! Has she gone away to uni or is she living with you/ locally and at a uni nearby?
It sounds like you have a lot of lived experience with autism and you sound like you’re a lovely mum to your kids. I also connect with what you’re saying about worry and thinking about the future; I find it can be hard to stay in the present sometimes and I’m often feeling worried about the future.

@BusMumsHoliday this is a really good idea and actually fits well as DS is all about ice cream! The one thing that puts me off is DS using the game for another purpose (eg. Colouring them in/ throwing them down the stairs/ seeing if they sink or float) but that is something I need to get used to!
Ah that’s interesting about the aim and defined end, I think this could help, thank you!

Really appreciate you posting. I don’t have many friends with autistic children in real life so this feels like a real blessing!

just not know what to do next!

With DD2, it would be a maths lesson or story time and woe betide you if you moved or made a noise. She would tell the dolls/teddies off for things others had been told off for at nursery/school. It would be word for word copying school staff. She was a very bossy teacher!

DD2 lived away from home for her undergraduate degree but is at home and commuting for her PhD. It is a longish commute, so isn’t without difficulty, but she mostly copes well.

On SN Chat, we have a Goose and Carrot pub thread if you want to join us. Don’t feel you have to read the whole thread. Jump in where we are. There’s a range of posters on there with DC from toddlers to adults.

Thanks so much @EndlessLight I’ll look at that other thread. Also thanks for sharing about your DC : )

I spent a lot of time when ds was little playing train sets, farms and taking it in turns to build towers to be knocked down. He had a couple of sets of colourful blocks that I'd use to build fields, houses, stations etc. He was quite a bit younger when we did this though as I was a SAHM at the time. I also had no idea he had ASD at that time.

I would say that your ds's idea of fun play might be different from NT play and you can't really make him enjoy something that he doesn't. You also can't assume that what he does at home with you, with your particular toys, will then be taken and used in a different setting with different people and different toys. That's not to say it's not worth doing of course! Just that it's not always as simple as if I play shops with ds at home he'll know how to go to school and play shops at school.

I'd also say that kids grow up alarmingly fast now and seem to get into super heroes and that sort of thing by 6. They definitely won't be playing ice cream shops in the playground, more like haring about being characters off the tv or playing football.

I definitely think having play dates and having fun things set up for them to do together is a good idea, I found this worked best for ds too. Treasure hunts, colouring in of favourite characters, lego building, obstacle courses and making dens are all things I remember doing. Also chatting to the kids and their parents and finding out the sorts of things they are into and that you can introduce to ds can be really helpful. At not much older than 6 they started getting into computer games, the lego games were very popular back then.

I would recommend a kids football club if there's one around, ds went to one for a while and the guys running it were brilliant. He was never that interested in football but it helped with coordination, it was very structured and once the kids got to Yr 5/6 and ALL the boys were playing football every single break time it gave him the opportunity to join in and have some idea of what to do. Having some football ability can be extremely useful (although ds didn't so would happily go in goal as no one else ever wanted to!)

The most useful thing I did for ds was to get to know the other parents well, I joined the PTA and had lots of playdates. It is often much easier for a child with ASD to build a friendship away from school on a one to one basis than in school where there are lots of other kids to compete with IMO.

DS is now doing a degree apprenticeship in software engineering and loving it. Computers make more sense to him then people!