Reception Teacher

[LottiePa]

DS started Primary School 3 weeks ago. He is speech delayed (he now speaks in small sentences but his pronunciation can be difficult to understand) but he understands everything that is said to him. We've never had an issue with his behaviour, he has always been a kind and well behaved little boy. Since starting school he has been more challenging but I was putting that down to the transition and tiredness etc.

He has an EHCP.

I am struggling with his teacher. Ever since she found out he had an EHCP and a speech delay she has spoken to him like a puppy. I gently addressed this with her and said how we found some people treat him differently if they know he has a speech delay and how frustrating that was because he is clever and understands everything.

Now she is asking me for "chats" at pick up most days. Using language like "dysregulated" when he is upset at doing something he doesn't want to, come off the screen, share etc. Today she said he was "making strange grunting noises for attention when unhappy" (he has NEVER done this)

I feel like she is only using this language with him because she knows he is on the pathway.

I want to raise this with the School as I am not happy but overall don't know whether I am being sensitive/overreacting etc.

Overall I don't think she is the best person to teach him and I cannot warm to her at all.

What do I do here?

The school should have a SENDCO. Have you spoken to them about it? I don't think you're overreacting. The teacher sounds like they need some training on SEND and how to interact with children based on their specific needs and personalities

Ask to meet with the SENCO and discuss your concerns.

What do you mean by "speaks to him like a puppy"?

Everything else sounds like she is just informing you if what is happening in school. It's not unusual for a child to find school more challenging than home, so just because he hasn't shown that behaviour before, doesn't mean it's a lie. He has been granted an EHCP because an EP, SALT and a panel of professionals believed he would need significant extra support at school.

It is extremely unlikely that they will change who your child's teacher is. However, they are legally required to put in all of the support outlined in section F of his EHCP. Do you know if they are?

This.

It is common for DS to behaviour differently in different settings.

If DS is regularly upset, not doing what is asked of him and struggling socially he does sound dysregulated.

@Thisismynewusernamedoyoulikeit

By talking to him like a puppy I mean she is very high pitched when speaking to him. Praising him “good boy” (like praising a puppy) very exaggerated when he’s done something and to be honest, she comes across as so condescending when speaking to him. Her whole tone changes with him in comparison to how I have observed her with other children.

His EHCP is solely focused around his speech and in section F relates to ongoing SALT with the school SLT, modelling correct pronunciation etc and states the local authority’s obligation to provide him with a set amount of hours SLT over the school year.

He has no behavioural issues at all and nothing is documented re behaviour in his EHCP or has ever been mentioned in the 3.5 years he attended nursery. The is also the case for social interactions. He has no problems with other children, or in a social setting at all. His own “issue” is his speech.

I will reach out to the SENCO at School, that’s a great idea. Thank you.

@EndlessLight

“It is common for DS to behaviour differently in different settings”

I get that completely but claiming he is making grunting noises when upset is not a reflection of him at all. Either at home or the many years he attended nursery - he was whining and imo she is hyper focused on him because of a speech delay and EHCP and not treating him the same as his peers.

“If DS is regularly upset, not doing what is asked of him and struggling socially he does sound dysregulated”

He is not regularly upset or struggling socially. He is a very happy, social, well behaved little boy who has had a few periods of unhappiness as a result of something that has happened. She is only calling him dysregulated because she has zoomed in on the speech delay and decided herself that he is autistic and is singling him out using this language.

As @Thisismynewusernamedoyoulikeit said, just because DS hasn’t done something before doesn’t mean the teacher is lying.

You said the teacher is asking for chats most days, so it must be more than just a ‘few periods’. Not sharing to the point it has been mentioned to you to the extent you feel the need to mention it in your OP does mean DS is struggling socially.

Speech delay will mean there are needs relating to social communication and interaction. They may not be in the EHCP because it isn’t unusual for EHCPs to be poor. It is very unusual for DC with needs complex enough to have an EHCP not to have needs in more than one broad area of SEN.

@EndlessLight

I do think she is lying about the grunting. He has never done that at home or nursery.

The request for “chats” has been four times in almost three weeks.

The first time was because he sat in the wrong seat at lunch time, he was asked to move to his seat but he was hungry and became upset at being asked to move.

Second time he was asked to share a toy he didn’t want to share so became upset.

Third time was he was asked to come off a screen with no warning and wanted to continue to play. (We do give 5 minute warnings when we move into something else at home, Now and Next and I have told her we do this and he responds well to it)

Today was because he wanted to play outside and it was raining so they weren’t allowed.

This to me is typical child behaviour and I don’t think she would mention it or label it dysregulated if he didn’t have an EHCP or a speech delay.

As I’ve said, he has no issues other than the speech delay - we were very surprised an EHCP was awarded.

I do think this teacher is hyper focused and treating him differently and I will raise with the School and SENCO.

The request for “chats” has been four times in almost three weeks.

in your OP it was “Now she is asking me for "chats" at pick up most days.” Four times in almost 3 weeks is not ‘most days’.

Just because DS hasn’t done something at home or nursery doesn’t mean he hasn’t done it at school.

If DS has needs significant enough that you suspect ASD and he has an EHCP in reception it would be unheard of for DS not to have needs relating to something other than C&I. Sadly, it isn’t unusual for this not to be recognised.

I think the best thing you can do is offer tips on how to help him calm down when he's upset. It sounds like she's mentioning the disregulation because she wants to know how best to support him.

It sounds like he is struggling in the classroom which is not unusual. It will be louder, busier and with more demands and lower ratios than nursery. FWIW, I think getting upset enough for a teacher to say "dysregulated" at being asked to move seats and you regularly needing to use a now/next board to support transitions sounds like he does need more support in class than just speech therapy. (And a speech delay alone wouldn't get him on the ASD pathway.)

I can understand that you don't want your son to be patronised and his abilities underestimated. But children with SEN do often need to be treated differently from other children - that's part of their needs being accommodated.

@EndlessLight I shouldn’t have used “most days” I was upset and anxious when I wrote the original post and it felt more/bigger than it is/was.

I don’t think he should have been awarded an EHCP. He has made huge improvements since we started the process and is a completely different child than he was a year ago. We will continue the pathway to see if he is autistic but I don’t know if I even think he is anymore.

I’ve done everything in my power to get him the help and support he needs, pushed for it, fought for it and chased for it and I am FULLY aware of who he is, what his challenges are and what he needs. He has worked so hard on his speech and made enormous progress and is such a kind and happy boy.

I don’t believe her re the grunting. At all. This behaviour is nothing like him and I get your point about because he hasn’t done it at home nursery etc. but I know my son better than you and her and he wouldn’t have done that.

LAs do not issue and continue to maintain EHCPs unless they are legally necessary.

@BusMumsHoliday

“It sounds like he is struggling in the classroom which is not unusual. It will be louder, busier and with more demands and lower ratios than nursery. FWIW, I think getting upset enough for a teacher to say "dysregulated" at being asked to move seats and you regularly needing to use a now/next board to support transitions sounds like he does need more support in class than just speech therapy. (And a speech delay alone wouldn't get him on the ASD pathway.)”

it hasn’t even been three weeks. This is his full week at School where he has done a full day. I think it’s normal for kids to find the transition difficult and overwhelming at times.

He doesn’t have a now and next board. We use “now we’re doing this and next we’re going to….” At home. It was something they did at nursery and he responded well to it and now it’s a habit.

A year ago I would have said he had ASD, now I’m not so sure. He is like a different child than he was a year ago. He’s improved hugely and I do think it’s the teachers inexperience that is highlighting these “issues” rather than him being “dysregulated”

If “now we’re doing this and next we’re going to….” is required, it needs to be in F.

@EndlessLight its not “needed” it’s a helpful thing we do at home that I suggested to her.

It is needed in the sense of the EHCP. If you are saying you use that technique at home, nursery used it, and you are telling the school to try it, it should (in the legal sense) be in the EHCP.

How do you know she is inexperienced?

I do think you should talk to the SENCO and ask her to observe your son in the room, and to ensure the provision in the EHCP is being fully delivered.

@BusMumsHoliday as soon as she was told he has a speech delay and an EHCP she has spoken to him and treated him differently - it’s like she googled autism and picked deregulated as a buzz word and ran with it. Her whole demeanour with him in comparison to the other kids in his class (that I have observed) is different. That’s why I think it’s her inexperience at dealing with a child who may have additional needs and she’s over compensating.

That’s a great idea about getting the SENCO to observe in the room. I will call her in the morning. Thank you.

You have decided that the teacher is lying to you. That is highly unlikely (not impossible, but highly unlikely). What would be the purpose of that lie?

I totally hear your concerns about being condescending to your son. You should definitely focus on that in your meeting with school, and in asking her to ensure all ehcp provisions and salt recommendations are in place.

Children do weird things and i think you are being over sensitive re the grunting. Why would she lie? The “baby talk” needs addressing, you have already raised it so if it continues keep picking her up.

I think if you’re feeling uncomfortable at this stage you should ask for a meeting with the SENco. Ultimately everyone needs to work as a team for your son to thrive. I wouldn’t go into the meeting listing everything she has done that you don’t like, I’d go in with pointers that work well at home or worked well in nursery. This will make the meeting a positive one rather than accusatory or personal.

The teacher may well be young and inexperienced but it sounds like she cares. She might just need a little bit of supportive guidance from the SENco.