Very concerned and confused about DS's education, could you please share with me your experiences?

[TinySocks]

I am so worried about DS's education. I wanted to know from other MNTRS who are a little ahead along the education line and enlighten me a little. I am starting to get very fearful of making the wrong decision about schooling. He is 3.3 years old, and he has a general developmental delay due to a brain atrophy. It is not evident at first sight, people don't notice by just seeing him but he is very behind his peers.

We have a very special situation, we live in a country where English is not the first language, however we speak to DS only in english as well as all our friends, nursery, etc, after investigating our options on the schooling front we came to the conclusion that there is only ONE English school that DS could go to. The school has experience with SN children, they will assess DS at some point to determine if his needs can be met by them and they will point out to us if they believe he will need a full time 1:1 support or part time only.

So my question is, what is best for children like DS, 1) a "normal" school with support, or b) a special needs school?. Maybe other mums out there with similar children could help me with their experiences. Just to give you an idea of how he is:

• He doesn't really have any behavior issues (although he doesn't play appropriately with other children).
• His understanding is very good, can follow instructions, understands verbs, lots of nouns and some prepositions, but still doesn't understand I, me, mine. Doesn't get colours,shapes yet.
• Difficulty with motor skills, I know he will struggle with learning to write. He scribbles, but cannot copy shapes yet, or draw.
• He loves books, but I know he will struggle with reading.
• His concentration has improved a lot, but still not great.
• His expressive language is really really delayed (speaks in single words only, although has plenty of them, but not always clear).
• I am still trying to potty train him

I am sorry this is so long and thank you for reading so far! And I do realize that every child is different, I am not asking you to help me make such an important decision, but just to tell me how it has gone for your DC. I don't know anyone in RL with a DS similar to mine!

Varies from school to school. We did 4 terms in mainstream with ds1 (who sounds behind your son- he was non-verbal, didn't have behaviour problems when he started- did when he left) but it didn't really work out. Now he's doing very well in special.

But other children are different and all schools are different too. It's getting the right child/school match.

Which country are you in? It might be a good idea to start a general thread (even under another name if you wish) asking for experiences of schooling in that particular country and ask if they have any experience of special needs within the school system. There seems to be so many people on mumsnet these days, I am sure someone will have experience My daughter had a moderate GDD before she started school and we tried a sole special school placement, then a mixed special school/mainstream placement at nursery level. We didnt have that many mainstream options at primary level so opted for the special school route. DDs SN is significant even though iots a hidden disability. We felt it was best for her to have support in learning all her primary care needs (SLD/PMLD schol) It has worked out well for us but you really need to go with your own instinct. Nothing is set in stone though and you can go down either route and change again, its just a bit more difficult once they start

A lot seems to depend on the individual school. Our local mainstream one doesn't do so well in league tables etc but has so far been ideal for ds1 (ASD) and ds2 (AS).

Ds1 is now 7yrs old and in Yr3. When he started in Reception just after his 4th birthday he had only been out of nappies (daytime) for literally a few weeks. His understanding of langage was at the low end of the normal range. He had only started to talk about a year before so his expressive language was still a bit odd. He had only recently stopped talking about himself in the 3rd person. His fine motor skills were very delayed, and he had problems to a lesser extent with his balance and co-ordination.

By the end of Reception his language skills had really improved. The school had noticed that he was quite floppy and so had worked on that with him over the year. His fine motor skills were still very delayed and he could just about hold a pencil by then.

At the beginning of Yr1 it became obvious that his fine motor skills were really holding him back and his teacher started talking about him probably needing to use a laptop to record his work as he got older. By the end of Yr1 his language skills were assessed as being ahead for his age and so he was signed off from SALT.

In Yr2 things really began to come together for him. All the work the school had done to help his fine motor skills had really paid off. He could now write (if slower than the rest of the class) and it was discovered that he had a real talent for writing stories. His co-ordination and strength was also much better (again thanks to the school). He was like a different boy.

He's now in Yr3 with another really good teacher and still enjoys school.

M/s school can work but a lot of it seems to come down to luck. We were very lucky to live near a school that really cared about children with SN. Ds1 has also been lucky to have had teachers who seem to really 'get' him.

Ds2 is also at the same school and is also doing well but so far he hasn't really needed all that much in the way of support for his SN.

Hi Tinysocks
As we've said before, our Dses are quite similar, though I think your Ds's receptive language is probably better. In our experience it depends very much on the individual school, not just in terms of the teaching but the make-up of the class. DS2 attended special school for a term and a half- they were great with him and their open-door policy was fantastic - but there were no other verbal children in his class and we felt that, at this stage in his education at least, we wanted him to be around verbal and sociable peers. The fact that he has learned to imitate (through an ABA programme) and had started watching other children with interest was crucial to our decision - if he hadn't been doing these things I don't think we would have changed to m/s.

So it may be worth checking out the 'profile' of the other children in any special school or class you're considering, if social interaction is key for you. (The older classes in our special school are totally different btw - lots of verbal and/or sociable children across the range of SN).

He's been at m/s half a term so far - it hasn't all been plain sailing by any means. They are a bit less willing to take on our ideas (he's only doing mornings with ABA at home in the afternoons) - but this is gradually changing ,with a LOT of pushing on my side. They've given him half a term to settle in and are only just creating an IEP for him - so the outcomes as regards learning are yet to be seen. But the difference in DS2 with other children has been great - he has a friend who he approaches and greets in the mornings and has even started playing simple games of chase at play time.

It may be worth trying to find out how much a m/s school would be willing to work with you - I have to keep harping on and on and on about how important consistency is!

The great likelihood is that DS2 will go back to the special school for secondary ed - but atm our priority for school is for him to progress with social interaction and I do think that m/s is better for this - for him.

Sorry - have gone on a bit. Hope it helps though.

Thank you all for posting your experience with so much detail!
oiFoiF, don?t you worry, I?ve already done lots of investigation locally.

coppertop, it sounds like your DS has done amazingly well, your story has given me a little ray of hope, however, as you say a lot of it is down to luck and that scares me. Everything seems to be down to luck, getting a good OT, a good physio, a good SALT, getting a caring school.

sphil, I couldn?t have put it better, I am inclined to think that a m/s school would be better for DS because of the interaction with other children who are more socially and verbally able than him, on the other hand I worry about bullying and also about him not being able to cope academically (although probably an EIP would solve this?). I don?t have the choice of a special school here (they provide education only in the local language, which I am sure DS couldn't handle). So for him to go to a special school would mean packing our bags and relocating to the UK. A very difficult thing for us to do. You can imagine how important it is for us to make the right decision. I have no idea how much a m/s school should work with a parent, more or less what expectations do you have from the school? Would you expect to be involved in creating the IEP? Or is your involvement more about regular meetings to discuss his progress?

Tclanger, you mention precisely one of my concerns, for DS to be lost and out of his depth academically. But shouldn?t an EIP help with this?

As you can see I have a lot of reading and investigating to do with regards to schooling. This is the hardest decision I have ever taken in my life.

Tinysocks - I am involved in creating the IEP and have weekly meetings with the 1:1 and SENCO. I think this level of involvement might be unusual though. Part of it is because we're doing a p/t home prog, so it's vital to coordinate school and home. School have been a little suspicious of this, but {whispers} I think are coming around to the idea, after an enormous amount of discussion!
Part of it is because it's an excellent school, with a lot of SEN experience and part of it is that I've forced myself on them

Imo, the most important thing is that the school put realistic, achievable targets on the IEP and that these are reviewed regularly. Normally it's once a term, but I think it shoul be more often for a child with SEN. Tclanger's point about a 'sitting on the carpet' target is a really good one. Your DS, like mine, is pretty compliant, and I'm really trying to make sure that the targets they give him are to do with learning, and with language in particular.

I would absolutely agree with Tclanger about the quality of TA support.

Please ask any more questions you want - I'm in the thick of this atm and it's quite therapeutic to write about it! It's a worrying time - we went through agonies trying to decide where was best for DS2 (as a search through the archives will probably reveal )

Tbh Tclanger, it's probably easier for me because I used to be a teacher, so schools are familiar places (and I know all the tricks). Put me in a doctor's surgery and I'm a gibbering wreck!

sphil, are you around?
Do you mind me asking, how much time does the school expect your DS to sit a a table and "work"?
I am trying to get DS to sit for longer periods of time at the table while we do therapy, it is really hard work to motivate him. The problem is that I have no idea what my target should be, is it 15/30/45 minutes?
I am not sure if your DS has concentration issues, so this may not be relevant for you.
How is mainstream going for him BTW?