Can we share holiday tips please?

[Buckets]

Have you ever had a holiday with your 'harder work' LO? What worked and what was a disaster? Can you recommend anywhere or anything to make a holiday more enjoyable for all? Does anyone else go on holiday and only remember when they get there that it's not actually going to be that much of a holiday for them?

I find it helps to go with wider family- but only if you are absolutely upfront about the fact that you would love them to help by taking not your easy to handle children but your SEN child for some periods of time, so you too can get a bit of a break. I made the mistake one time of going to Italy with mum, dad, brothers etc and NOT ONE PERSON OFFERED ME HELP THE WHOLE TIME. I did ask for help sometimes, but it wasn't offered so I gave up . So effectively I was just doing the same old routine with DS, only it's made 10x more difficult by a new and perilous environment (heat, unfenced pool, sharp stinging insects on ground , no bannisters on stairs etc etc). I won't make that mistake again and infact now I am sticking to English holidays as a) no nightmare airports and flights and b) at least I know he'll eat the food! We now go to a typical British beach holiday in Devon, and we take my in-laws who are wonderful as they take all 4 kids off our hands every day for quite a few hours, and every other evening, so my DH and I actually get to go out to DINNER AND TALK!

We have holidayed a few times with DD2 (SN). I would say get a villa, that way you are more independent and flexible, not tied to mealtimes and stuck in one room once the children are asleep.

If flying, tell the airline in advance you are travelling with a SN passenger. We did this when we went to Australia last year and got plenty of assistance as well as special food.

Take familiar items if needed and put some in hand luggage in case the cases go astray.(my DD is very rigid with behaviours including particular bedtime stories, clothes etc).

Remember if any health issues declare it with your insurers or they may not pay out.

take a portable DVD player!

We always go self catering - whether in a caravan in the UK, or villa or, just recently, an all-suites hotel (really a mini-villa - had 2 bedrooms and a kitchen/living room) as we have food issues with our dds.

Definitely pack important items in hand luggage - important books/comfort toys (even if ones that are only used at bedtimes) - I even packed dd1's favourite bowl/spoon into hand luggage.

Do mention to the airline that you have a SN passenger, but we didn't get much extra help when we flew with BA recently (in fact, at one point they had her seated separately from the rest of us - she's 3 and autistic )

I have definitely found that if we keep a lot of dd1's day similar (similar food (reason for self catering), similar sleep/rest times, and take along her current fave toys (easy for us as she's a bookworm) AND factor in "normal" days ie, "just" a trip to the playground, which we do a lot of at home then she copes well with other changes (such as day trips/theme park visits)

I used to find that I was going on holiday and not having a holiday, but this was due to dh not pulling his weight (to be fair, Ithink he just hadn't thought of it that way - once we sat down and talked it through, he saw my pov and trips away have been a lot better since)

I'd agree with self-catering. Ask for stairgates etc. in advance and keys for any locking internal doors. No harm in asking!

If you have any special dietary requirements you can usually get info in advance - I got onto the FR equivalent of the user group for my daughter's condition and they told me (very kindly in English!) what dairy-free brands to look for in the supermarket.

Suss out the local hospitals online. Depending on where you are going, it may be a lot faster to go to A&E yourselves than call an ambulance.

Order nappies online from a local supplier for delivery to the villa before you arrive (obv talk to the owner up front but they will be fine with it.)

Strongly agree with setting expectations re: sharing care responsibilities.

Flying: where do I start?

• Airline's Disability support varies but they all have a customer services rep whose job it is to sort your requirements. Phone them waaay in advance and discuss. They should put what you need on your booking. However, every person you meet through the airport will fail to have read this so be prepared to repeat your story at checkin, security check, gate, boarding etc.

Try to get seats pre-allocated before you checkin: again this is something customer services should do for you on the phone but can only do when the computer "releases" the seats for allocation which is a variable amount of time before boarding depending on the length of the flight. You may have to call 3 or 4 times before the trip is completely arranged.

Alas, you can't pre-checkin on the internet with most airlines if you are travelling with children. One reason is that they can't distinguish where any infants will be sitting and in some airplanes they need to sit on a specific side to get the extra air mask.

• meds. Airlines will carry anything that is legal in the country you go to as long as you have a) a prescription and b) a doctor's letter saying you need it. You may still hit the 100ml liquids restriction - in theory BAA policy is to let necessary meds through but in case you get a jobsworth on the day, pre-order in 100ml bottles and split between the party's hand luggage.

• small distracting toys for the journey: finger puppets pack up small (£5 for 10 from Ikea) colouring sets etc. Ration them out, including some for the way home. Not that DD1 gets any of the above, but it keeps DD2 out of her hair.

• wheelchairs can be a nightmare. It's OK if a standard adult wheelchair will do you, but if you need restraint/support/small size it's a fight. Airport regs differ and some places simply won't allow your own in the airport because they can't security check them. It's worse if it's a SN buggy because they really don't "get" the necessity. UK airports seem OK, European ones variable. New EU directive (comes in in June) means that if you put your requirements to the airport in writing to arrive 3 days before you do (obv need names, flight details etc.) then they HAVE to do what you ask or provide equivalent support. Hally bluddy lulia - carrying a 4 year old from the plane to the baggage carousel is no joke.

I get "this buggy is actually a wheelchair and needs to be put in the correct hold section to be delivered to the gate on arrival" translated into the local language and printed on a card. Then you can shove it in the faces of the people who take it off you at the gate and they have no excuse they don't understand you. It also helps to put the buggy in a carrying case and then print/laminate a large offical-looking blue "wheelchair" symbol to attach to it.

However, the only person who can actually ensure your wheelchair is delivered to the gate on arrival is the purser (head steward/ess) who asks the captain to radio ahead to the airport you are going to. Befriend them and they will have the arguments on your behalf.

I second 1) portable DVD player and 2) Devon beach holidays

We always say to one another the day before holiday, when we are frantically packing, and getting cold sweats: 'if it's a disaster, we can always come home'.

(DS1 is 4.2 and has ASD)

Agree with everything said so far - the DVD machine is the most vital piece of equipment and spliting care! The rest depends on their age and sn! Holidays can be such hard work but it does get easier! We prefer to rent/sc. Chalets or bungalows don't have stairs (but may have steps). We tend to go to the same place now as we know it is safe and familiar. If we have to overnight in a hotel we prefer a suite style hotel although travel style hotels work once dcs ok in bunks.
We took a portable barrier and balcony net (all sorts of uses!)with us to limit exploration, falls down stairs etc when ds was small enough to be deterred. We take a padlock, and nightlights now. Portable car fridge can be useful if driving in summer with meds or dcs needing milk/ special food. (We found out the hard way to never leave on overnight in a stationary car - the fridge stayed cold but the car stayed put!!).
Some of the supprisingly useful things when Ds was smaller was a tiny inflatable paddling pool (clean play zone, tot bath) inflatable beach ball (half inflated as a cushion/rest or squidgy toy!), bouyancy vest on ds(to give me a couple of seconds longer to grab ds if he jumped in pool -I felt less terrified), bright clothing, reigns.

Getting loads of pictures of where we're going and planning what we'll do before we get there helps ds1. We do tend to go to the same cottage or centre
because it saves the 3 days of screaming before ds1 settles down.
I invite grandparents for the 2nd half of the hols so they don't haver to witness the settling in antics and can babysit because they've got into a sleep routine.
The difference to me is that I order covenience food to be delivered by tescos when we get there, go to the chip shop several times, don't think about any cleaning, alternate morning wake up with dh, don't do any washing and so on!
We go to a cottage with an enclosed garden.