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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Original poster

How to tell a friend you think their child may need a check up?

23 replies

feb · 19/04/2008 17:16

A friend of mine has a 2.4yr old who I think may have some problems.

I'm certainly no expert but we meet up with the same group of friends, all with children the same age every week and this little girl takes ages to leave her mums side then eventually goes off to play on her own. she doesn't socialise with the others at all. she can talk well but hardly says anything. its hard to put my finger on it but she just doesn't socialise properly. she also walks on her tiptoes a lot.

She had a check at 2yrs with HV who said she was fine, but my opinion of HVs isn't great...

Should I mention my concerns? and if so how?

tia

OP posts:

ReallyTired · 19/04/2008 17:42

I think you should mind your own business.

Toewalking in toddlers is very common and many children at 2.4 years old are not particularly socialible. Children don't normally play together until they are about three years old.

She sounds lovely and I am sure that the girl's Mum has had good advice.

misdee · 19/04/2008 17:46

does she walk on tiptoes all the time or just a lot big difference IMO. dd3 walks on tiptoes a lot. her cousins, who both have CP, walked on tiptoes all the time.

it sounds like she is shy.

Twiglett · 19/04/2008 17:49

walking on tiptoes is fine so long as she is capable of putting her feet down flat

shyness is not a sign of a problem

2 year olds never socialise 'properly' if you think of it, she's probably just different from yours

I'd not say anything

cyberseraphim · 19/04/2008 17:53

If the speech is normal - ie not uncommunicative or parrotted, then i don't think it is very likely that there is a problem.

Original poster

feb · 19/04/2008 19:12

she dosn't walk on tiptoes all the time, and is likely just shy as you say.
thanks for the advice.

OP posts:

fannysparkle · 20/04/2008 18:08

I agree, say nothing as even if there are problems she won't thank you for it, i know i wouldn't have if a friend had told me. It had to come from an expert and even then i denied it for a while.
I'm in a similar situation but i have given a few subtle hints and she is not taking it onboard so i'm leaving well alone, i think nursery will pick up on it and i don't want her to think that because my ds has asd that i assume everyone else'e dc have some problem too.

WigWamBam · 20/04/2008 18:10

Say nothing. It can be perfectly normal to not want to socialise at this age. It can also be perfectly normal to walk on her toes ... particularly if it's something she's just found she can do.

If there is anything which needs investigating, the girl's mother will be much, much more aware of it than you will be.

ReallyTired · 20/04/2008 18:24

Loads of kids walk on tiptoes without being on the autistic spectrum. A very common reason for a neurologically typical child to walk on tiptoes is hypermobility of the joints. (Ie. having very flexible joints)

Children with very flexible tendons sometimes walk on tiptoes as a way of "locking" the legs to support their weight.

Children generally outgrow toewalking with no intervention.

Judd · 20/04/2008 18:39

Really Tired - thanks for that! DD (6) walks on tiptoes if she is just wearing socks, and I never knew why. The HV did comment at one of her checks that she thought she had very flexible fingers and she can bend them back horribly far. It's just always been one of the things at the back of my mind to pursue at some stage...and now I don't think I need to.

cory · 20/04/2008 20:38

I might add that there have been two children among my own circle of acquaintance whom I thought might have Aspergers or similar until well after they started school- and they are definitely NT now. They just needed time to develop. On the other hand, the child that did have Aspergers, seemed perfectly normal when I saw her-but her parents knew her better than I did.

My dd was extremely clingy and shy when she was 2, my niece screamed if she saw a stranger and was even wary of her extended family. Both have grown into delightfully sociable girls.

Tclanger · 20/04/2008 22:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TotalChaos · 20/04/2008 23:31

Agree with the others - if her speech is OK, it doesn't sound like much is amiss, so I wouldn't raise anything at all. Any half decent nursery/cm would pick up on any concerns and advise the mum accordingly.

Original poster

feb · 21/04/2008 10:18

Agree with Tclanger that I would hate her mum to think I had been gossiping about her dd. Nobody else in the group has mentioned it (to me at least). That's why i thought it best to consult those more knowledgeable on MN!
BTW, when i said she dosn't socialise with the others at all, i mean she dosn't go and play with/alongside them, she just stands next to her mum.
Her mum is SAHM, and this group is the only social activity they attend, so am not sure she would get the advice/support. Having said that, this will probably also contribute to her shyness if she is used to it just being the 2 of them, but she has been meeting the same children every week since she was born...
anyway, i'll not say anything. I wouldn't know what to say even if i was going to.

OP posts:

cory · 21/04/2008 10:31

Just want to repeat- there is nothing wrong with being shy at the age of 2. In fact, there isn't necessarily anything wrong with being shy later in life either, as long as you are able to function. Not everybody is the happy back-slapping hail-fellow-well-met type.

Original poster

feb · 21/04/2008 10:46

couldn't agree more cory.

OP posts:

wannaBe · 21/04/2008 10:52

at two my ds was a real mummy's boy and wouldn't leave me if we went to a strange place/to someone's house. Now he's 5 and runs off without so much as a backward glance.

Some children just take time, as do some adults.

Tclanger · 21/04/2008 21:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

feb · 22/04/2008 10:21

thanks for your kind words tclanger, and sorry to hear of your experience.

OP posts:

Tclanger · 22/04/2008 10:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tclanger · 22/04/2008 10:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotABanana · 22/04/2008 10:59

Nothing in your OP makes me feel that this child has SN tbh.

hifi · 22/04/2008 11:53

dd still walks on tip toes, v late walker, took her to paediatrician and he checked her over. the out come is she likes to walk on tip toes. dd is only just speaking in public although she has above average vocabulary.
so she sounds exactly like my dd at her age and dd is age appropriate or above in most things.
she is socially immature and is only just starting to play with friends. 4 weeks prem and a very difficult start in life.
it sounds like your friends dd may also socially immature, was she prem? is she june, july august baby? these may be the reasons not sn.

PrimulaVeris · 22/04/2008 12:18

Nothing there that rings alarm bells - no such thing as a standard 2 yr old

Even if you did have suspcicions, I really really wouldn't mention them because (1) if you notice, the mum will have noticed too (2) you're only seeing child in one situation and (3) you could put your foot right in it.

I'll never forget the day a friend came up to me and told me she could recommend an educational psychologist for my ds, who was going through a difficult phase and 'behind' in some areas. She meant well but I was so and very, very hurt and upset.

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