Struggling SEN parent

[Eupdmumma]

After 6 years of my son screaming at me or crying at me every single time he doesn't get his own way I am really struggling. I've been hot , kicked bitten screamed at and more. He hurt his twin sister emotionally and physically all of her life so far and has hurt his younger sibling a couple of times. After him trying to touch other children in school a year ago I became even more scared. Then he tried to drown a child in my pool and tried to stand on his very young cousins head. All because he didn't want them playing their games. I am lost, I'm angry I'm sad, I do not feel anything but anger 99,% of the time. I believe with his ADHD and global delay he is on the spectrum. I have gotten him in to a specialist school I called fur a disabilities social worker 5 years ago. Since then we have had one who has stayed for 3 years. But nothing has been done to help me. I honestly fear for my family. But what worries me more is that he seems to be able to do things at school, understand emotions..... At home he doesn't even remember why he is screaming at me. This makes me feel even worse. I'm honestly at my wits end and with my own complex needs I can't see things getting any better anytime soon. I do understand why mothers end up taking their lives. This is horrific daily with no sign of the end.

If DS has ADHD, is he on medication? Request a review of meds. If you suspect ASD as well as ADHD and GDD, has DS been referred for an ASD assessment?

How is DS’s sleep and eating?

Contact social care again. You need a review or even complete new assessments. Both for DS by the disabled children’s team and a carer’s assessment for you (and depending on what your own complex needs are, potentially an assessment of your own needs).

Appearing to manage at school but not at home isn’t uncommon. It can mean there are unmet needs at school. If DS is in SS, I presume he has an EHCP? Sounds like you need an early review. What support is DS currently receiving? Any help with his emotional literacy? Has DS had SALT and OT assessments and does he have ongoing input? Any MH support?

Have you had a home OT assessment to look at how the house can better meet DS’s needs and keep everyone safe?

Do you have sensory equipment at home DS can use? Some people find a trampoline &/or punch bag helps.

As difficult as it is, it sounds like DS needs closer supervision.

For DTD, is she known to the local young carers service? Sibs can also be helpful to speak to.

You may find The Explosive Child and The Out of Sync Child books helpful. Some people find Yvonne Newbold’s resources helpful. Some find PDA strategies helpful, too.

Have you asked support from school directly? Maybe worth getting a behaviour analyst involved

Right breathe you sound like me.
Apply for dla if you haven't already. Use the backpayment to pay adhd 360 life is so much better here now. We are on nhs waiting list so I will only have to pay for her meds until nhs take Over

If you go private for an ADHD assessment and continuing to afford private prescriptions would be a problem, before going private for an ADHD assessment, you should check if your GP is willing to take on shared care. Not all will. There is also no guarantee of when or if the NHS will take over without further assessment.

I meant get an nhs referral 5 year wait. But pay from the dla in the interim. Then when he is seen by nhs they will prescribe. My GP won't do shared care and this is what we are doing

Many can’t afford to use the DLA for that for however many years the NHS waiting list takes, which is why I said “If you go private for an ADHD assessment and continuing to afford private prescriptions would be a problem”. Brilliant if it isn't a problem for you, but it may be for the OP, hence my post. Also, if OP isn’t in receipt of DLA already, there is a wait for claims to be processed and an even longer wait if she has to then appeal.