Handling meltdown when touching causes panic?New difficulty.

[wooga]

Title says most of it,I need some help please.

My ds with hf autism,who's nearly seven,has recently found it severely unpleasant being touched during a meltdown.

Before I could keep him safe from roads etc by holding/moving him somewhere until he felt calmer.

Lately,this makes things worse but ds gets sudden urge to run/thrash about and it's really dangerous to leave him to it if we're out somewhere.

He's getting stronger and I've noticed that ds's anger is getting so much stronger too-he'll start getting mad,clenching his fists,and won't be talked round,just tells himself loads of negative stuff and works himself up.

I feel so helpless and it breaks my heart to see him like this.

Please can anyone in similar situations share your wisdom?

wooga, I have no idea but I am sure someone will be along soon to help. It sounds very distressing for you both

wooga - only thing I can think of is maybe if he has sensory problems he doesn't like a relative gentle touch so would respond better to a very firm grab?

bump

This sounds so difficult for you! My son (now 8 but SLD/ASD traits) used to react badly (push away, thrash about)to touch when in melt down, and for a while I was very careful where I went and used the car perhaps more than I should have! He reacted well to wrapping himself in a blanket, the saftey of the car, and calming down with a drink. (I always have thes things in the car!) I know everthing says you should never shout at a child, but this was the one occasion when sometimes I did! Nothing else broke through to him - but then Ds really does have some listening problems! Once calmer (and usually crying) he needed a good hard hug. He comes and asks for this now and the meltdowns are rarer and more predictable.
Ds is a curious mixture of mostly undersensative (needs lots of sensory play, squashing and hard hugs) to oversensative (labels, seams, wearing cloths). A sound or touch sensative child would probably be further insensed by a raised voice and need quite different handling!

Thank you for your replies,I will have to think about the stuff that calms ds down and think of using it somehow.

It's just tricky if it happens out somewhere as I have dd aged 3 with us too and I'm single,so no back up.

I can't always predict what'll trigger the meltdowns,I get caught off-guard sometimes!

wooga your DS sounds like my DS. He regularly has these meltdowns and hates being held/touched. I dont know what advice to give you because i think it is all down to the individual.
Personally when DS is having a meltdown i only touch enough to move him to a safe area then i let him go. At school they did restrain him till he was calm but have now set up a room which they move him to and let him go!
Currently im housebound when DH isnt around becasue i cannot ensure both my DCs safety when out especially if DS is having a meltdown. Its so hard!

I really feel for you, I have a ds who has high functioning autism, he is 10 and has regular meltdowns and can sometimes occur before i see them coming. Any interaction with my ds fuels the meltdown so we I have a choice between letting him get it out til he breaks and the crying start or restraning him for his own safety. unfortunately he is very tall and strong and I cant do this on my own. am also single with younger daughter. the pattern of your ds in meltdown sounds similar to my ds. Its really hard managing it on your own, I know. We should chat more.
I have had to the ring the police on a few occassions for help, not that I would recommend that but its a last resort if you dont have anywhere else to turn and you need physical help. Good luck, I really do feel for you. Would be great if you lived near plymouth. Do you belong to any support groups?

Thank you bonkerz,it certainly is hard!

emsylou,I hope I don't ever need the police,but hv said ds'll probably be 6ft 2",when he's older-who knows how I'll manage if he still has meltdowns then!

I did an NAS course recently,which was great for learning more about prevention of anxiety,but I need more advice on what to do when it's too late!

I live in Wiltshire,still trying to find out about support groups.

I would like it if ds could join a group like beavers to get his confidence up but he doesn't 'get on' with boys as he can't figure out when they're playing rough and when they're being mean,which has led to missunderstandings and his confidence takes a nose-dive.

He also doesn't have the same interests as them,not into the 'fads' that are 'in' for his age group,and he's quite innocent about stuff,thinks 'shut up' is a swear word.I hate the look the other boys give him,full of scorn because he's not like them.

If I ever mention 'clubs' of any kind,he panics,even though I say that I'd stay with him.

His only real friend at school is a girl-she's a tomboy so the balance is about right,however,because of ds's need for obeying rules etc,they have quite a few fall outs over things.

I'm getting geared up for next week as he'll be back at school so it'll be tears at bedtime again.

On the positve side,ds told me to be careful the other day when I was taking the stabilizers off his bike,in case I hurt myself-first time he's done that-I was so happy!

Hi wooga I have a DS who is nearly 9 who reacts in this way too and it has been trial and error to see what really works with him and I find it much much better for him if I don't touch him at all (or I get thumps, lumps and a mouthful of abuse). Saying that he does run off and I use my very powerful 'teacher voice' to get him to stand still, then don't go any nearer until he is a bit calmer. After that I can usually use 'force of personality' with him to get him to come back and hold his hand as he returns which seems to calm him down.

I have a DD who is nearly 7 and have taught her since being about 3 or 4 to stay still wherever I leave her (always somewhere safe and in my eyesight) rather than have to worry about dragging her too - she is very reliable and doesn't panic as she knows I will return asap and that he is just having 'one of his tantrums'.

Occasionally I have to carry him back if it is a really dangerous situation which I don't relish doing. Quite apart from the bruises, evil looks and staring from people, DS is currently over 5 feet tall and 6.5 stone and is predicted to grow to 6 foot 8 inches!!! Can you imagine what it'll be like when he is a teenager!

WedgiesMum,that is a really good idea about teaching younger dc to stay put while it's all going on!

My dd is very much like ds in the way that she'll keep going-doesn't stop nearby like most children her age seem to-they seem to have a particular distance they'll go then not go any further IYSWIM-since she turned 3 she's been hard work-I hope she'll calm down soon!

It has worked so well for us. DD knows when it is ok to charge around and generally be herself, but then she also now is an expert at recognising when to just sit calmly. It's the years of practice She is also now in charge of my bag and any other valuables I have on me! We always have a special cuddle and chat about it afterwards too so she can talk about what has happened if she needs to.

DS always verbally 'beats himself up too' about how awful he is, naughty, ugly, needs to die etc etc when he is feeling bad about himself and at the time I find it generally better not to say too much about it to him because it just makes him say worse and worse things. Afterwards when he is calm I tell him about how special he is and how much we love him etc etc to generally bolster his self esteem. I find that his sense of self worth is really low at these times which can be very hard to cope with, but it seems that it is a very common ASD trait. We have a referral to CAMHS and he is now working with a child psychologist on his anger and self esteem to help him when he is going off on one - perhaps that could help your DS?

Best of luck calming your DD down! At 3 mine was like a wild thing for what seemed like months but it got better

Thank you WedgiesMum.