Please help with 14m old atypical development

[sarahhill22]

please help me, this is long!

I have some big concerns about my baby’s development but my partner gets very hostile if I mention it and gaslights me so I am reaching out for those that have gone through this so I don’t feel so alone or that I am going mad.

my baby is 14m old, he is mostly happy and smiley, he is very responsive, laughs his head off at games such as boo/chasing him/telling him no/anything with anticipation. He eats very well and aside of the fact he’s never slept through the night and is appalling to get to sleep, my partner thinks he’s “on track”.

I have, however, worked with babies all my life and there is just a feeling I cannot shift. I have done the MChAt test (I know this is from 16m) where he scored a 9 and have completed a SALT ‘test’ where he was developmentally delayed for a 12m old (at 14m)

the majority of my concerns are social communication. He has never initiated joint attention. He loves sirens, Donald Duck, airplanes, and if you hear/see anything and act shocked and say what’s that! He will get excited and do this whisper thing that he does when he’s excited, but if HE hears it, he will just stop and locate the sound. He has never tried to tell me he can hear it.

he has never brought me a toy to play with.
he has never tried to engage me in his play, he can ‘play’ for hours on his own if I am in the room. Wandering from one toy to the next, he has no play skills. He bangs and taps most things and likes to hold things in his hands as he crawls.
he cannot point, if you ask him where something is (he understands a lot) he will look in the correct place, but he will not point and he will not go and get it if you ask.
he cannot clap no matter how many times I show him how he cannot do it.
he can wave, and contextually.
he babbles a lot and chats through the day/ he can say mama and dada although not contextually, he has no other words.
He doesn’t really try and imitate us.
he understands kiss and will lean in, and often on his own accord he will give things a kiss (teddies)
he has great eye contact and loves games, no interest in sitting and reading a book together although he has recently started getting s book out to look by himself
the last few weeks he has began staring and showing an interest in other children but we were out with my friends 9m old this week and he just crawls off (he loves finding sticks) where she showed great interest in trying to ‘engage’ with him.
He doesn’t play appropriately with any toys, he just mouths most of them or carries/bangs them, cannot stack or build towers.

my partner has a non verbal severely autistic nephew and so this has reinforced my concerns. Am I being over sensitive? What do I do next?

I appreciate if you have read! Thank you

I know how you feel, my DD is now 3 years 8 months and although I knew from a early age there was something there I couldn’t be sure, i decided to watch and wait til she started preschool to see what there view was, they asked for referral to paediatrician for suspected neurodivergence's within weeks of her starting. She had a health visitor assessment at 2 which is routine ( you may want to bring up your concerns at this appointment ) she showed a lot of grey areas at this meeting and a appointment for a follow up was made, this got cancelled by the health visitor and never rearranged so we are still waiting to be seen now. In the mean time I see how much my DD symptoms are progressing and until we get seen by the paediatrician there doesn’t seem to be much help. Go with your gut feeling, keep your concerns wrote down and at your health visitor appointment you will have everything ready if they feel he needs to be referred.

I would speak to your HV &/or GP.

While doing that, you could look at the Ages and Stages questionnaires.

Thank you both for your reply. @Mummyof5kiddos how is your child doing now? I wonder if he’s going to be showing signs of neurodivergence but not so severe it’s obvious to everyone around me or if everyone is just gaslighting me because they see him so happy and keep saying “he’s fine he’s just developing at his own pace”… @EndlessLight do I have to ask the HV for those or can I find them online?

You can see them online. The ASQ-3 for 14 months is here and the ASQ:SE-2 for 12 months (the 12 months questionnaire is still used up to 14 months and 30 days) is here.

She really needs to be seen by a professional but the wait times are silly, she has no sense of danger, speed walks or runs everywhere, will stop and spin a lot, over sociable with strangers, meltdowns, triggered easily and will get verbally and physical toward anyone, sensory to touch, picky eater, her sleep is getting worse. Sensory to touch was the first thing I noticed as a baby but as she’s got older and trying to keep her safe outside is hard it causes meltdowns. But she has got better in some things her talking is getting better, she will willingly come for a hug or kiss on her terms but never for long, likes to play with other children, has started playing with toys. It’s more obvious now she’s 3 that she’s more adhd maybe some asd too but before a lot was very sensory issues and hard to tell if there was anything more. If your little one does have something you will know, he will progress as he gets older, but don’t leave it to late to seek help, that is the one thing I do wish I had done before she turned 3 because now I’m struggling trying to find different ways to make things better for her and need professional help but having to wait for it.

My daughter is 3 years 8 month, the health visitor said she would need to wait til her 4 year appointment now do you have the questionnaire for that age?

@Mummyof5kiddos the 42 month ASQ-3 is here and that is used until 44 months and 30 days. The 48 month ASQ:SE-2 is used for those who are 44 months old and it is here.

@EndlessLight thank you so much!! This has actually made me feel so much better. He scored mostly in the grey area, only one was below, one was above. I can still see the delays but it’s way less depressing than the M-chat. Sounds extreme but it really has made me feel much less anxious, like maybe the skills he doesn’t have I can work on. Thank you

@Mummyof5kiddos how did you get on with the questions? It sounds super tough for you and I hope you get better support. My best friend has a boy who sounds similar to yours, on the outside he masks so unless you see it and deal with it 24/7 it seems less severe, although at times she struggles a lot. My partners nephew is high needs, non verbal, I don’t think he will ever live independently. I am both heartbroken and devastated to think my son could be like that and I am absolutely desperate to do all I can now to improve his outcomes. I did a lot of research into the link of gut health and autism, it’s actually so interesting— I started my baby on supplements immediately. I’m also looking into a hair test but I don’t know that much about it yet. X

I’m glad it has reassured you. It is still worth contacting the HV, I think. Whether DS has ASD or not, it is definitely possible to support the areas DS is struggling with.

Her Score was 250 🤦‍♀️ way over what it should be! Her paediatric appointment got cancelled due to the paediatrician being poorly so they have said she will have another appointment before the end of the year so hopefully it won’t be to much longer. She doesn’t mask she is like it at preschool and home, luckily they are pretty good with sen children at her preschool because I’m sure a lot of preschools wouldn’t accept her. I know what you mean it’s hard the not knowing of what there life will be like going forward, I’ve been month after month thinking she will get easier but I’ve now realised it’s not coming and it’s sad but they can’t help it and it’s more about finding the new normal I suppose

@Mummyof5kiddos, if you haven’t already, you should request an EHCNA.

Is that the same as EHCP? Her preschool are writing one up incase it’s needed but I think she going to need extra help

@Mummyof5kiddos the EHCNA is the needs assessment you first request as part of the process to getting an EHCP. The EHCNA is undertaken (and an EHCP issued) by the LA, not the preschool. If an EHCNA hasn’t been requested from the LA by the preschool, another professional involved or you, you should do so now. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use.

Thank you so much, I sent the preschool manager everything I have a few weeks ago because she wanted to put things in place so I will talk to her and see if she’s put in for a EHCNA and if not I will do it myself, I feel like I’ve been trying to get extra help with my daughter for a while now and because of wait times nothing has happened, even the health visitors said they would help while waiting to be seen by the paediatrician but all I’ve had it bowel and bladder appointments ready for a referral for that. So I’m so greatful for your help

You would know if an EHCNA had already been requested.