ASD Mum looking for tips on reducing ADHD son’s constant talking

[dottieautie]

Hi

the TL; DR - can anyone share techniques for reducing a 7 yo adhd child’s need for constant verbalising every thought and action?

I want to preface this with I am autistic and sensitive to external noise with a constant stream of thoughts in my head contributing to internal noise too. This probably contributes to my struggling with my 7 year old, most likely AuDHD (on the forever waiting list for assessment) and his incessant verbalising every thought from the moment he wakes at 6/7 am until the moment he goes to bed (now closer to 11pm)

He is a lovely, caring and funny child. He has a wonderful personality and charms everyone, mostly adults and teens, with his sense of humour. I know he can’t help his incessant talking and it does disturb him sometimes when he feels compelled to talk all the
time and doesn’t understand why he can’t stop. When he’s not chatting to others he runs commentary on every action, thought and movement. He literally verbalises his every thought.

This has got progressively worse since easter and it’s not helped by my being with him so much so I’m not really getting a break from it which is affecting my ability to process other information. His dad works long shifts.

Ive tried exhausting him with physical activity but that just makes his mind more hyper and then he stays up later at night buzzing and is bouncing off the walls.

His quiet time used to be getting an hour or so on the iPad but now he commentates on that whether it’s watching a tv show or playing a game.

He’s new to the assessment waiting list because he behaves so well in school (albeit chatty and needing reminded to focus regularly) so it’s going to take years before he’s seen.

I’m worried with this explosion in verbalising that he’s going to start getting into trouble at school. At his playscheme he said kids were telling him to go away because he was annoying because he couldn’t stop talking. He doesn’t deserve any of this.

His dad has ADHD and while he does try to curb our sons over verbalisation he also justifies jt because he was the same before diagnosis and medication, and it doesn’t seem to bother him as much.

I don’t want to be forever chastising my beautiful child but I head for meltdown daily because of the constant noise. I can’t wear earplugs or noise cancelling headphones as I need to be able to hear he’s not getting into trouble (he takes risks a lot and is accident prone)

sorry for this being so long.
I’m looking for techniques to introduce to help him filter his thoughts better and reduce his need to verbalise them all the time.

Have you thought about trying loop ear plugs? You can still listen out but they are great at reducing noise and have been lifesavers for me.

I would struggle with this as well, i think everyone needs quiet time and if you have your own sensory issues it’s even harder. My adrenaline would be coursing constantly and fight/flight/freeze mode triggered.

Can you stay in separate rooms sometimes for some peace? Does he do any activities alone?

Try right to choose for a shorter wait for assessment.

You are doing an amazing job and don’t forget it!

I second trying noise cancelling earphones or headphones such as Loop or Bose, which can still allow you to hear if DS gets up to something he shouldn’t.

Has DS had a sensory OT assessment? Sometimes excessive talking can be to meet a sensory need.

Thanks but earplugs and headphones aren’t an option as per OP.

He hasnt had any assessments but is on waiting lists. We’re trying to call the health centre for kids but get stuck in queues for
hours and get no response. We were hoping being irritating parents might speed up the process to get rid of us.

We did wonder if it was meeting a sensory need or a release for him. he’s not able to articulate that yet. He just says he can’t help it and his brain makes him do it.

If you think it could be meeting a sensory need, you could try some sensory equipment/toys to see if they help.

Also, speak to the school in September. They should be providing support and if school was easier, home life is likely to get easier too.

Does DS have an EHCP? If so, sensory OT can be included in there without having to sit on the normal waiting list.

I only mentioned noise cancelling earphones/headphones because your OP mentioned you couldn’t use them because need to be able to hear DS and some will still enable that.

I struggle with this too, my eldest when he was this age was very much like this. My middle one is coming up to this age now and he isn't SO hyperverbal but he is quite sensory-seeking/wants a lot of attention and it's very difficult.

What actually helped the most with DS1, was when he got to an age that it was normal for him to be phoning up his friends. He is on discord/whatsapp for so much of the day! I think in hindsight, when he was younger, I should have found any willing relatives who would have been happy for a phone call and found a way that he could check in with them to see if it was a good time to chat. And maybe something like a voice recorder, so that he could make his own radio programmes, pretend youtube videos etc.

I did find it helpful to set some boundaries e.g. after a certain time was bedtime where he was not supposed to come and talk any more. I would also set limits on activities like reading together, playing computer games together, because after a certain time he would get more hyper and it would frustrate me so I wanted to cut the activity short before it got to that point. Trying to alternate times where I do offer attention and times where I take a break helps a bit (it is tricky for a younger child to stick to this though).

Sometimes putting on some music seemed to help meet the sensory need for him and he would stop trying to fill the silence.

I did see this recently, haven't got around to watching it yet but her stuff is usually really good:

Have you tried asking him if he would like to record his thoughts on a tablet and play you a top 5 every hour?

Try and sell it as mummy and DS time when you listen together?