I posted eight months ago expressing concerns about my little boy (turned 2 in June) as I’d noticed what seemed like a regression and some possible autistic traits. While lots has improved since then, other concerns have emerged. Anyway, I just feel really alone with it all. Our health visitor completely shut down my concerns and even my partner says things like ‘he’s just shy/anxious/quirky/a slow burn’. I just wanted to share here what has been on my mind in the hope that someone might understand.
He has recently had grommets put in for glue ear which has hugely improved his language, so I do think that was impacting him. However I’m not sure it’s the whole story.
One recent thing is some seriously big tantrums (meltdowns?). I stopped breastfeeding him at 2 and since I haven’t had that up my sleeve to help him regulate, his big feelings have been so hard to manage. He screams to the point of hysteria and has started banging his head on the floor at times. He lashes out and he doesn’t seem to know what he wants. He is clearly overwhelmed at the time but also seems to be seeking opposition in a way, as he will shout that he needs something and as soon as you give it to him he shouts that he doesn’t want it. And so it repeats. I get defiance is standard two year old behaviour but it seems so extreme with him. We end up removing all choice as it clearly overwhelms him but that also sends him into distress. The only way out of it is usually with some sensory change, like getting outside, looking at flowers etc. but it often lasts over 30 minutes, sometimes up to an hour.
He has also been having huge fits of rage in the middle of the night where he is inconsolable and wants things but then doesn’t want then. I don’t think it is night terrors as he is talking to us and seems aware of his surroundings. But he will scream to get his water for example but then when you give it to him he throws it across the room screaming no water then immediately screams for it back. We don’t engage in this to and fro anymore as we have seen it gets us nowhere, although it does feel awful when a child is screaming for water to not give it to them (!!)
He also isn’t a great sleeper - until I night weaned him at 18months he woke every two-three hours consistently. Now he sleeps most of the night (except one nightly fit of rage that usually lasts up to 20 mins) but not for very long, usually about nine hours, ten if we’re very lucky. He also sleeps one hour in the day.
He also seems to have some sensory issues - he won’t wear trousers ever and rarely accepts anything with long sleeves. This only started over the past few months so we will see what happens in winter. He will engage in messy play and use his hands for food but he gets very upset when he suddenly decides his hands need to be wiped and it has to be done immediately otherwise he gets distressed. He has also started walking on his tip toes on various textures (gravel, certain types of concrete and sometimes long grass). We live by the beach so he is fine with sand.
He is a very active child, loves to be on the move and doesn’t often sit still. If on the sofa he is typically rolling and climbing and upside down - perhaps sensory seeking somehow.
His eye contact was typical until around 16 months when it changed. It reduced a lot during a two week period when he was ill, and never seemed to return to how it was. It has improved a lot since then (particularly with me and my partner) and a lot may have been down to glue ear, however he still avoids direct eye contact a fair amount, and often completely blanks adults that try to engage with him.
I’ve also noticed he doesn’t always use eye contact socially, like when requesting something he often doesn’t look at me and back at the thing, he just keeps looking at the thing he wants and asking for it.
Also in group settings he quite often seems unaware of things happening around him (although in some ways he is extremely observant), like he gets hyper fixated on what he is doing and it isn’t until I point out what’s happening elsewhere or what someone is saying that he will look and listen.
He is very particular about me doing things for him at the moment too. Nobody else is allowed to pick something up for him, rub his knee better if he falls, carry anything of his etc. It has to be mummy and if it isn’t he gets very distressed and starts screaming.
There are some big positives though…
Since he had grommets his language has exploded and is now advanced, he uses long sentences and correct tenses and a huge vocabulary.
His SALT said his joint attention, name
response and eye contact have improved a lot since she saw him four months ago.
He is incredibly interactive with my partner and I, playing games, taking turns, initiating conversations etc.
He is interested in other children (particularly older girls it seems) and will follow them, ask their name and play together. He also plays well with his cousins.
He is able to name emotions like happy, sad and angry - and can sometimes identify these feelings in others. He asks for a cuddle when he is sad and dances when he is happy. Anger is the one we seem to be struggling with the most.
He is starting a couple of mornings at nursery in September so we are hoping this is going to help him.
However if anyone has any advice, reassurance or validating comments I would be so grateful. So many people around me seem to think I am neurotic for thinking he could be neurodivergent.
He is a joy to be around and I don’t want to change him - I just want to understand him better and do the best I possibly can as his mum.