Almost 3 and possible ASD

[ag12345]

This is my second time posting about my amazing little boy. He will be 3 in October and it’s really difficult to write this down as when I say it out load its almost like it’s not there.
He communicates very well for his needs and wants but I feel there are some social communication deficits there. (He’s my second child) he’s slightly speech delayed but not too bad. He does the occasional hand flap when excited. He knows who all his family are and says their names but wouldn’t shout mummy to get my attention. He is happy to play along side other children, loves playing with his brother, follows simple instructions. Has 100’s of words and puts 2 together but isn’t conversational. when playing he will ‘talk’ in jargon.

Short attention span, and sometimes hard to know if he understands more complex instructions as if he doesn’t want to do something he simply will not do it.
there does not seem to be any need for
routine, no fixed interests or sensory issues.
he is epic at copying, he copies whatever his big brother does.
will sometimes be hard to engage if he’s doing something.
So we have an appointment at the end of August for a private SALT assessment and she said if she feels we need to, to get the ball rolling for assessment. It just all feels scary, and has really spiked my anxiety levels. In the mean time she wants me to get his hearing tested for glue ear.
does any of this sound familiar? I know it might be premature but I’m finding myself waking up and going to sleep thinking about his future and what it will look like.

Everyone develops differently, and if there are no signs like not maintaining eye contact at all, severe speech delay, id not worry at this stage. Things will take their time and maybe you can get more help when he is about to start school or just a bit after it. I know what it's like, sometimes you need to know, say if you want to choose a special school, but it really is too early. You can get support by talking to his nursery and school stuff saying what you need, e.g. more help with getting him to self regulate, more focus on communicating in sentences etc.

He's still so young it's really hard to know. Nothing here though really stands out hugely. He's only 2 I wouldn't worry too much based on what you've said, try not to worry and just enjoy him for now. Mine has ASD and is about to start his degree apprenticeship, he's been the easiest teen you could possibly imagine and has a great future ahead I'm sure.

My son was very similar at that age. If I were you I'd book for an autism/ developmental assessment for before he starts school so he can get support if needed in school. The wait times can be long. If he doesn't need it then that would be great. Look into Gestalt language processing. There are a lot of accounts online that give tips to work with children who are not conversational. A lot of the work can be done at home. I drove myself insane with worry, it's an awful time when you are wondering what is going on for your child.

Just curious. Is diagnosis/assessment needed to get support? I found that with my preschool, I just told them I need support on potential behavior/ND, and they provided all the support that 3 year olds can get. I am so glad I didn't do anything formal because it mostly feels ok now and we didn't get too stressed.

@Lemonbalm8 I'm in Ireland so a diagnosis is necessary for services and for access to an ASD class in a mainstream school.

Ah I see, I didn't realize there was asd class separate to the main class. Did you manage to get the diagnosis and the support? My son is mixed with everyone, but classes are usually small, so easier to pay attention. I still don't know if he will have diagnosis in future but some things I used to be worried of are gone and some new things popped up but it could be developmental anyway.

@Lemonbalm8 Yes , my son got a diagnosis, he would not be able to cope in a mainstream class. He will go into mainstream for some lessons - I hope this will increase as he settles in. He is improving all the time- in communication and social skills, they are the areas he struggles with.

Thank you all for your replies. I want to stress that it’s not ASD I’m scared of. It’s the world we live in for him that’s all. And I guess how severe. @Lemonbalm8 i totally know what you mean and maybe that’s what I keep thinking but don’t want to put it off any longer as he will start school in 2026 and it means I have plenty time to make sure he’s potentially diagnosed before school. @Beth216 that’s absolutely amazing. I bet your so proud of him.
@Crystalball84 yes that’s my plan lovely. I want to make sure we have what we need if he does need it.
the speech and language assessment I think will tell me what I need to know. She works with a lot of children who are diagnosed with asd and she wilL advise whether to go down assessment rout. Does your son have behaviour difficulties? I notice you wrote he wouldn’t cope on mainstream? It’s just my sons nursery say they have no concerns as of yet and copes there quite well.
thanks everyone for your replies. X

@Crystalball84 @ag12345
Sorry, I tagged myself and couldn't delete it for some reason. My son is different socially to the other children and can't communicate in the same way with adults or children so he does not really confirm. He will sit and do things that he is interested in and if he's not interested it takes effort to make it interesting. I think in a class of 25 or 30 he wouldn't be able to learn and would disrupt others too. He has a lot of vocabulary but he is still behind in conversational language and so it's hard to know what he understands about higher order ideas. He will have a much better opportunity to learn and thrive in a class tailored to his needs. I have met a lot of children who go undiagnosed until much older because they don't cause any ' trouble's in a class but they are not learning either if that makes sense. I think with ASD behavior and coping can change as children get older and demands get higher. I thought it better he gets his place and can move in and out of mainstream. It would be impossible to get him in at a later date because the places are like gold dust and there are only 6. Lack of places and resources in Ireland is a huge issue. Every August there are parents pleading for help from government to get an appropriate place for their children. I couldn't pass up a place. My son was noticably different to others in preschool, he didn't just sit and do what everyone else was doing. Your son seems to be getting on well so maybe that will be a different scenario. Every child is different. That's what makes it a challenge to know what is going on. I was down a rabbit hole researching for two years. Speech and language and OT appointments privately etc.

@ag12345 I just read your post again and the ' if he doesn't want to do something he will not do it ' line is very familiar to me. That is my concern for school. He will not confirm and do as the other will so it could have been a disaster for him in a big group.

@ag12345 Sorry, one more thing. Your son is very young and my son made huge progress in communication between the age of 3 and 5, and is still continuing to progress 😊

@Beth216 @Crystalball84 @Lemonbalm8 hi everyone. I just wanted to update you… we have a hearing test booked in for Monday to see if he has glue ear and on the 23rd we have a private speech and language initial assessment.
I have really been thinking this last week and I generally think what needs improvement is listening and attention and understanding.
it will be hard for me to list all the things he can understand but here it goes
what do horses do? - can change these to lots of animals and different vehicles.
happy and sad face
what colour is this
where is the sky
who is this (looking at a picture of a family or pointing to someone who’s walked in)
get your shoes and sit down
do you want to go to mama’s and papa’s (grandparents)
what’s your name.
put your toys in the box
give kisses, give hugs etc

• all of these he will respond appropriately

this is just a summary of things he understands. he also knows all colours, counts to 20, and can recognise numbers 1-10 and can count items properly.

What do you guys think?

@ag12345 I think persistent differences in social communication are a key indicator of autism. Also expressive language is often more advanced than receptive.
The speech and language therapist will observe him for your concerns. I'd mention them at the start. He sounds like he is doing really well with learning and recognizing numbers etc seems brilliant for that age. Best of luck. I hope it goes well.

@Crystalball84 i don’t think expressive language is behind understanding. I think they are on par really. We will see. And his social communication I think is ok. I will
iodate after we have seen her :)

@ag12345 typically expressive language is ahead of understanding.

I'd make a list of concerns for the appointment and examples. Sometimes it's easy to go blank when under pressure.

@Crystalball84 so are you saying that expressive language should be better than his understanding?
I’ve already spoken with her on several
occasions so she knows everything. I don’t really want to list off everything I want her to assess him off her own back and then I will discuss what I feel. She’s a very experienced private SLT who has worked with alot of children with ASD. So I’m hoping she will have a good idea on next steps

@ag12345 the speech therapist I spoke with said that with autistic children it is very common for expressive language to be more developed than receptive. I guess because some children learn off whole sentences or phrases and may know what the whole statement means but not the words individually if that makes sense. Keep us updated on how it goes. It's brilliant she has experience.

Oh I see what you’re saying. No I wouldn’t say his expressive language is more advanced. I would say his understanding is more advanced than his actual speech! Yes I will keep you posted xx

@ag12345 I hope the speech therapy session went well....

@Crystalball84 hi lovely. It’s on Friday! Will
update after! :)

@ag12345 why did I think Monday?? 🥴
Apologies x

@Crystalball84 because I said he was going for a hearing test I think! X

@Crystalball84 hi. Just a quick updated from me! had our initial assessment with the SALT and she said that his speech is in line with his age and isn’t concerned about that. She also did an understanding task and he also did what he should.
it’s the listening and attention that needs work. She said she doesn’t think we will need her for long, and going to have a block and therapy to improve listening and attention. Gave us activities to do, and going to go from there. He will sit and engage on things he wants to but if he doesn’t with adult led activities then he doesnt always want to do that. So he’s all over and losing concentration. Said it could be a mixture of age and just who he is but thinks it will come.
I asked her outright if she thought he was autistic and she said no not at all and believes he’s developing typically but his listening and attention isn’t where it should be. She is a very experienced SALT and has worked with children who have been diagnosed with ASD. So I do feel she knows what she’s talking about. X

@ag12345 Ah fantastic. That's great news. He is so young too so will definitely improve with age. That's a great relief. Best of luck with the sessions. And you can also work with him at home when you see what she is doing.

@Crystalball84 yeah that’s it! I will work hard with him at home to help too.
it is a relief but just know I’ve got to put the work in. I’m hoping it will improve. X