My son is almost 11, has an ehcp and is being referred for asd in the last couple months, it was the last day of school yesterday and a family picnic, i was the first to arrive (as always) and went to sit with my son whilst he ate his lunch and I bought him lots of lovely snacks, he went off to play with his friends and the senco approached me to ask if I’d come in (we were on the playground) for 10 mins to do the checklist for the asd, they were supposed to ring me a week before to do that and yesterday morning but hadn’t, I asked could it wait as I was there for my son but she kind of pressed me and said how important it was and had to be done that day, as my son was playing I asked the dad I was sitting with to watch my things, my neighbour was there with my sons friend, teachers, other parents, so I went in to do the list only it took longer about 20 mins, when I came out my son was at the bottom of the steps visibly upset, he thought I’d left him, I might add I have never ever and would never have left him, I was literally inside and up the corridor if he’d gone to the loo or come in he would have seen me but I feel so guilty for not going to tell him I was popping in the school, my eldest daughter said my only mistake was assuming the dad I was sitting with would let him know I’d popped in, hindsight’s a wonderful thing, I felt railroaded into being ushered in and I should have gone out on the field to find my son and tell him but I honestly had no idea he would think this, his teacher was outside, the head, he does struggle with speaking up it’s on his ehcp that he finds it hard to ask things but he’s got better lately, he’s got to almost 11 and I’ve never upset him like this it’s 3.07 am and I can’t sleep for the guilt thinking about him wandering around the playground thinking I had left, I know I’m only human and I’m going to at some point make a mistake but the guilts eating me up, we come from very severe domestic abuse my son was 3 when we left, I suffer with bad anxiety and cleithrophobia and I can only think I went anxiety blind as I call it when she asked me to go in, going to the school for something like that with lots of people feeling trapped is bad enough but I wasn’t prepared for going into a small room and being questioned, my son was fine when we got home but I’m punishing myself hours and hours later and can’t bear the thought of him upset, maybe I’m overreacting I don’t know it’s hard for me as what we all went through in my marriage was awful so I feel things acutely, I just wanted someone else’s prospective sorry the post is so long x