Bedtimes -

[Sunshineclouds11]

Hi

Can anyone help please

DS6, no diagnosis following a peads app 2 year ago. ASD, possible ADHD.

Bedtimes are just absolutely horrendous.
He's doing the following;
Screaming
Wailing
Thrashing round the bed
Nipping
Hitting
Repeats the same noise over and over

I feel horrendous to say that I'm starting to loose my shit.
I have a 5 month old baby, single mum.
I just can't cope with it anymore.

5/7 nights is like this. I end up sitting feeling so guilty once he's actually down and settled.

What can I do for him?

Sorry @Sunshineclouds11 do you mean that he does or doesn't have a diagnosis for ASD?

Has he been prescribed Melatonin? It doesn't work for everyone but it really helped my DD.

Can DS communicate what he finds distressing about bedtime?

What have you already tried?

How is DS’s eating? How much exercise and sensory activity does he get throughout the day?

Sorry, no diagnosis but is on the spectrum, ADHD has also been mentioned.
Awaiting another referral.
They wouldn't originally diagnose him due to age and wanted to give him more time.

No he hasn't. Is that easy enough to get?

We're still in the process of helping with his emotions as he does find it hard to explain or say how he feels. But he's saying every emotion, mummy I feel nervous, I'm worried, I'm scared, I'm grumpy.

He has a good diet, he loves to have healthy food.
Gets enough exercise and sensory throughout the day also.

I was thinking last night, could this be down to masking?
Because he seems to be great through the day when at school/clubs etc then comes home and sort of crashes.

What is his bedtime routine? At what point does he get upset? I knew a child who was very difficult to put to bed in the summer because it was still so light and he thought it was too early, could it be the light? Do yo uthink it would help to reduce the clubs or does he love them? Would he listen to a story cd or audio book to help him drift off perhaps? It's so tricky to work out exactly what's going on some times!

It could be dysregulation after a difficult day. If that is the case, making the day times easier will help.

You could try a 2 way baby monitor or walkie talkie. It didn’t work for us, but it works for some. You could also try the elastic band technique, increasing the time you leave. Some find things like brushing, white noise, weighted blanket, night light, a special teddy helpful if you haven’t tried those.

Most GPs won’t prescribe melatonin without it being initiated by paeds/CAMHS. You could ask for a referral to paeds, CAMHS or a sleep clinic from melatonin.

@Beth216 We do bath, into PJs, teeth, read a book, I then tell him a made up story and on a good night he'll say good night and turn over.
On a bad night, he tends to start whilst in the bath or getting into PJs.

This isn't new, he can do it in the winter also. But can go through a good period of going to sleep happy and well.

Sorry my fault for not explaining, it's just a holiday club when off school. He just does a couple of days and he loves it.

He's got a tonie box but never really took to it but I might try that instead of reading to see if a different voice can maybe calm/soothe him.

@BrumToTheRescue He won't fall asleep on his own so I have to be with him till he drifts off.
He has a white noise machine and a light.
I wonder if a weighted blanket would help, going to look into thanks.

I guessed as such thank you.

Have you tried the elastic band technique &/or gradual retreat? You can start very small. They don’t work for all, but it is worth a try because they do work for some.

@BrumToTheRescue I have and only made him more upset/stressed.
I don't mind being in with him till he's asleep but obviously when he's having a hard time it does make it harder.

Get some visual pictures and get him to help put them in the order he wants to do everything. Once done, go over it. So e.g., bath, pjs, book, night night. He might need a longer time to relax into bedtime. My DS, almost 9, comes up for bath at 7 but then has a routine where we play games, read books, turn out lights and he's asleep usually about 3 ish hours later. If I tried letting him stay up, he'd still want his long routine as he needs it to settle down after the day. So it might be worth trying going up earlier and giving him more time? It's not easy is it!! Oh and I also do a meditation now to guide him off to sleep!

How late is he going to bed? We have similar bedtimes often with DD (5yo) but they have improved since we made her bedtime later (usually 10pm ish). Also mostly helps the nights which were terrible, now it’s more like 2/7 awful not 5/7.

also for us we couldn’t do it without a safe space type bed - there’s no way she would stay in bed I think it would take to 3am to settle her without that. We aren’t in UK but when we first explored it we had a trial weekend (not one of the big wooden ones but a sort of inflatable one, called cloud cuddle if you are interested) wonder if there’s a trial available to you for something similar.