Anyone out there who didnt have a clue that their child was ASD or Aspergers?

[ALMummy]

My DS is 5 and currently awaiting assessment for possible ASD or Aspergers.

I ask this question because constantly at the back of my mind is the thought that I should have realised something was not right but I just didnt. DS was my first and the only real thing I noticed was that his speech seemed delayed. He is fully verbal now though - just few little quirks. I didnt have a clue otherwise. It was only when he started nursery and he was around other children that he seemed to be a bit different and even then I didnt really feel that it was a problem - just thought that he was an individual. I keep thinking that as his mother I should have known and I have done him a real disservice by not getting the process of assessment started sooner.

Hope I am not alone or I will feel even worse .

TotalChaos - it amazes me how the professional opinons differ wherever you happen to live with regard to AS. Where we are (London) they are falling over themselves to get the assessment process started. I think this is why I found it so difficult initially - there was no time to adapt and not much counselling for the parents either - obviously I am really glad now that they are so switched on.

Almummy - our ds showed the same traits as yours. His odd behaviour only really comes out in group situations. He's 3.5 now, and he is improving so rapidly that I do question a potential Aspergers dx. During the school holidays he's been playing brilliantly with his siblings, using imagination and initiating play. But yesterday we went to soft play with some friends and he would only play for a short while and then come out and want to be away from the other children.
Totalchaos - I am wondering if he has had a language delay that is showing as autistic like traits. Were you told that speech delay can cause autistic like symtoms? I'm not trying to deny ASD but I think being clear about what is wrong helps with treatment.

Thanks Nikos and AL. At the moment, whatever the cause of the speech problems, he needs input into social play/language and pretend play, so I don't think the DX or lack thereof makes a huge difference (he doesn't have strong sensory issues). I was told that DS social problems are more likely to be due to his speech difficulties than ASD. Reason I am thinking ASD is partly because both me and DH are floating so close to the spectrum (DH is a train spotter who when he does manage to converse with others, tends to hark back to his special interests, and I am just bog standard socially awkward) and partly because DS has I think aspie traits - pedantic, anxious in big groups.

also as well DS's language development followed a weird pattern - as a 1 year old he was OK, single words at 15-18 months. But then his language development stagnated between 2 and 3, with the odd learnt 2 word phrase, and no putting 2 words together (so no mummy dance etc).

I'm wondering if my own son's behaviour is down to speech delay as we are seeing such rapid progress in his play skills at home, although he still struggles in groups.
Anyone know how to tell the difference or is it just wait and see. Either way I know ASD type interventions will help him.

@ALMummy

At first with my DS I expected ADHD but looked into ASD's futher and then suspected Aspergers Syndrome aka HFA, my son was 14 months when I first suspected and 2yo when I first went to the doctors over it and all I was told was it was terrible 2's, then my parenting, not picking up on it would have been better for me tbh, my DS is now 5yo and is just going through ASD testing he is still unDX'ed, I have been battling for 3 and a half years now and am very drained by it, he has just had a partial Grifiths (spell?) Assessment hopefully the battle will be over soon, at least you know it is a possibility now and you are seeking help and a DX, at least then you will know what you are dealing with.

Amber85, I hear a lot of stories like that from parents who suspected something and were just brushed off. I can probably assume that would have been the case for me. After all my HV did not pick up on it. At his 2 year check she just said that it looked like he was having a bad day today and that was it. I honestly never suspected a thing. He was always very affectionate and interactive with me and other family members. It was only when he left the family unit so to speak that things became apparent.

You sound worn out from your experiences. I hope you get a good outcome.

To be honest I got to the point of when we moved from NW England to SW Scotland I was taking no mor buck passing here or there and sat down with the new lovely HV explained my thoughts fears and feelings and it was then the ball started rolling, children tire parents out enough without having to fight for what they need, at least we are on the way now and our support team is really good here, moving was the best thing that happened to us

Jelly - how is your ds now? I'm curious how mild symptoms play out as the child gets older?

At pre-school, DS was described as a 'naughty boy' and the leader said he was 'spoilt and not biddable'.
In Reception I was told that I had forced his reading forward to the detriment of his other skills, and it was my fault he didn't know how to play like a little boy - he started reading fluently at 4 with very little help from me!
Really thoughtful teacher in Y1 put loads of strategies in place which kept him happy-ish; but we were having problems with tantrums or total silence out shopping and I started to think there was a bigger issue which we weren't 'getting'.
In Year 2 he was very depressed and I used his obvious misery to get advice from GP and Camhs - he reacted badly to the transition to juniors and by Christmas when he was 7 we had diagnosis of Asperger's.
I still feel that I should have done something for him sooner; but looking forward, I am doing what I can now, and he is a delightful, if rather confused and immature, 9 year old.

Catok he sounds lovely. I am horrified by what his teacher said to you regarding his reading being to the detriment of other skills as I am by all the unfair and ignorant things that have been said to others on this thread by so called professionals. Never once did I have a negative response like that from a teacher or my GP, they were great. I suppose I have been really lucky.

I got a lot of negativity from other parents though especially at DS's first nursery. After the first couple of weeks no one talked to me anymore and two would pointedly turn their backs on me when I arrived to pick DS up. It was only after concerns had been raised about DS that I realised why. We pulled him out immediately because I didnt think that was a suitable place for him to be with other parents acting like that. They must have thought I was a complete idiot or didnt care .