EHCP

[blameitonthesunshine]

Evening!

DD(7) has ASD and is "high functioning". She is im mainstream and loves the school. She is masking heavily in all environments outside of the home and school although supportive don't seem to recognise her as SEN (they recently had a parents evening where they invite SEN children's parents for longer more detailed discussions and didn't include her with the other SEN children.)

She is doing really well academically and gets on with all of the children in her class. She's polite, helpful kind etc.

I think she is currently going through burn out. At home she is completely dysregulated we are having frequent violent out bursts, attacking me, DH and younger DD. She's saying the most horrible things she can conjure up. She is stimming constantly, repetitive behaviours, biting, kicking screaming. The weekend has felt like a tipping point. I just don't know how we can carry on like this anymore.

I have emailed school to say I am keeping her off tomorrow as I think she needs some quiet time to try and regulate her emotions. We have started to see a therapist.

I don't know where else to go from here? School don't know how to help on there end as her behavior is perfect, they have tried to give her movement breaks etc which she declines as she doesn't want to appear different to her friends. It doesn't look like I will get anywhere with an EHCP as I don't even know what I am asking for from school and school aren't able to comment as to them it doesn't seem like she needs any extra support. But things just seem to be getting worse and worse and I am so concerned about puberty hitting / high school etc.

I am very very concerned about her and her mental health, she looks completely run down on top of everything. I am trying my best to be her safe person and stay regulated for her but I feel like I'm at breaking point too. I am being woken most mornings by being hit in the face and screamed at.

Doesn't anyone have any advice about where to go to get the help she needs or is this just it?

Sorry for the babbling post and sorry @mnhq I think the title is probably incorrect here. Can you help me change?

You could ask school to contact their local autism outreach service to get advice about your daughter on how they can support her in school to decrease anxiety about school?

Has she got occupational health involvement? If not, ask for a referral.

Try discussing with the GP?

There is also the option of asking for a social services assessment, usually called early help, but the name might depend on the area of the country you're in. They might be able to speed along referrals.

The dysregulation at home after appearing to manage school signifies there are unmet needs at school. It is known as the coke bottle effect. If school was easier, home life would improve too. Request to speak to the SENCO. They should be providing support and not fob you off with there’s nothing they can do. If you haven’t already sent the email, change the wording to DD can’t attend rather than you keeping her off. Check the school record the absence as authorised.

If the school needs advice on how to support DD, they should bring in outside services. Not all areas have an autism specialist teaching service anymore, but if your LA does, they are one of the services they can ask for advice.

You should request an EHCNA yourself. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use. You don’t need to know exactly what support DD needs at this point. You can get EHCPs for DC who mask. Although you might have to appeal.

If DD doesn’t want to appear different, the school could build in movement covertly. It isn’t the same as a proper sensory movement break, but they could ask DD to, e.g. give the books out, take a message to the office, take the box next door. They could introduce the daily mile for the whole class.

Early help is one type of support social care can give. It isn’t the same as requesting assessments (a carer’s assessment for you and an assessment of DD’s needs) from children’s services.

How are DD’s eating and sleeping? When you speak to the GP about DD's MH, it is worth asking about bloods to check, e.g. iron if you think DD looks run down, especially if she doesn't eat particularly well.

@Thisismynewusernamedoyoulikeit

Thanks so much for your reply.

Sorry for the late reply on this, the problem is she doesn't appear to have any anxiety about school. She seems to love being at school. She was upset about me keeping her off yesterday. So whenever we try and engage with a service or with school she will not say anything negative about it at all.

No involvement from OH I didn't even know they were available in a school setting so I can ask about this.

Yes can try going back to GP.

Do you have any idea what social services would do?

Thanks so much again.

Thanks so much for all your wisdom on this, sorry for the late reply.

School have been / were really supportive about me keeping her off. My problem is she doesnt seem to recognise she has any problems at school. In her eyes she loves it. Has friends does well etc. SENCO suggested movement breaks sensory toys etc but she won't engage with them. They do choose her to do special jobs in class like giving out papers etc. I don't think she has any understanding of the impact school is having on her and the correlation with how it is effecting home. I am racking my brains of try to think of ways they could help her and I genuinely don't know because she just seems so happy there.

Thank you, LA has an autism / neurodiversity team came in to do an ADAPT meeting with us.
I am in contact with them as attending a course in September so could try and reach out to them.

I will speak to school about EhCP again. I just wish I knew what she needed.

What would children's services be able to support with do you know at all? I am reading back what I am putting and feel like home is the problem not school. We have a very settled home life other than what is going on at the moment, she's given lots of love etc but wondering if it's something we are doing. I feel like I am really letting her down.

She takes melatonin so her sleeping is much improved, she usually also has a good appetite although I have noticed recently that she is not eating as much so may be worth a trip to the GP's to check out that. She seems to constantly have dark circles around her eyes and dry patches of skin around her mouth / looks run down.

I'm finding this so hard to navigate and keep thinking about that we are letting her down terribly at the moment. DH is very neurotypical and struggling to get him to engage with ways to help her understand ASD better. I feel very alone with everything at the moment. I had huge burnout from masking as a teenager which I feel has ended up with a life time of anxiety issues and I so desperately don't want that for her.

Thanks so much for your reply I really appreciate it.

I don’t think EHCP is necessarily going to be helpful because it seems that the initial SEN level provision is what is needed. A ND inclusive environment. There are some resources by neurowild around ‘helping neurodivergent children thrive’ or something. Some are free. Maybe that would open some conversations. Are there sensory aspects to her overwhelm. My son has loops that are very discreet as he also does not like looking different. I think some of the things on different brains accommodations etc are very affirming. I think school needs a thorough understanding of ND children and how school can be experienced. Are they open to learning?

does your DD have any further co-occurring differences? ADHD/dyslexia? Otherwise if you want some support in how to approach school I’m happy to pm some suggestions. The school have an initial obligation to make accommodations under the equality act but it sounds like knowing what she needs can be difficult. Is she sensitive to tone? The way she is addressed? Fear of sanctions? That may be way off but the stress of school behaviour systems can compound things even if she is compliant.

I am reading back what I am putting and feel like home is the problem not school

Please don’t think this or let anyone make you feel this way. This is not your fault and you are not letting DD down. The dysregulation after school is showing DD’s unmet needs at school even if DD doesn’t recognise that for what it is.

I think the pp meant occupational therapy rather than OH.

Social care could provide respite or support at home. You could also look at your local short breaks offer. They will tell you they can’t, but they can also help with therapeutic support.

Don’t let the school put you off requesting an EHCNA. Some incorrectly tell parents their child doesn’t need or won’t get an EHCP. I disagree with the pp, an EHCP will be helpful. The EHCNA alone will help everyone understand DD’s needs better.

When you speak to the GP, I would definitely be requesting bloods including for B12, Vit D, folate, ferritin.